in her words... posted by imani , Friday, December 19, 2008 at 2:08 PM, in Labels: something else

beauty just is.

~emily dickinson

malena posted by imani , at 2:04 PM, in Labels: something else

one of the reasons why malena remains to be my favorite movie is the fact that monica bellucci had but a few lines in the film yet she truly owns her character and her radiance is not just skin deep.

i would like to share a line (or two...or more...) taken from the film with all of you:

Renato Amoroso:

'I pedaled as fast as I could, as if I were escaping…from longing, from innocence, from her. Time has passed, and I have loved many women. And as they’ve held me close and asked if I will remember them, I’ve said ‘Yes, I will remember you.
But the only one I’ve never forgotten is the one who never asked…Malena.'

you have surpassed posted by imani , at 2:01 PM, in Labels: freefall

january 31, 2007

was when you told me…

‘remember this day, because today you knew that you have surpassed all of them.’

and i have no doubt that i will always remember today…or earlier i mean.

today i realized that i love you so much it hurts, that every time i speak of how much i feel for you, my heart literally aches. because i know, within, my words, my kisses and embraces never would suffice, they never would be enough. i always think that i do not give you enough, that i never could give you enough. but what you said have, in a lot of ways, calmed me of my worries. that was all that i have been waiting to hear from you. i never quite had the fortitude to ask that from you…for you know that i do not want to change anything about you. i have come to appreciate every thing about you and would not seek to alter anything. there is absolutely nothing to be remedied. you are loved for who you are. and i know i could not ask for anything more. i do not want to ask for anything more. i am content. i am happy with the way things are. i am glad that we took the time that we both needed before completely acknowledging that we want to be with each other. and i want to be with you. and as i have said before, i will be with you, i will remain for as long as you want me to. i never have passionately wanted to be with anyone until you. i know that you have your fears, you are afraid of instances that might shake what we have. i wish i could take those fears away from you, but i unfortunately can not, for i have my own demons to battle. i suppose if there’s anything i can assure you, that will be the reality that i will be with you to thwart all your fears from consuming your hopes and your dreams.

today i realized that i cannot promise to give you so much, except all that i am. it is the only way i ever could love. it is the only way i know i could make you feel that you are desired beyond the superficial, beyond what i can see from the surface, for i have taken the journey towards the light of your being and have found the reason for my own.

written february 1st, 2007

never a lonely morning posted by imani , Monday, December 15, 2008 at 10:37 AM, in Labels: imani's aphorism

there is something so comforting and peaceful in finding you on the other side of the bed...

does not really matter which side.

postsecret posted by imani , at 6:42 AM, in Labels: imani's 'best list'

for the last year and a half, i have been visiting...no actually, the more appropriate word would be 'following' the secrets (written in postcards) sent in by thousands of anonymous people to frank warren, which are uploaded (not all though) to a site called 'postsecret.'

going to the site has become an addiction of some sort. the site gets updated every sunday at around 2 pm local time. currently (as in right this very time), 201,405,575 visitors have already looked at the site. wow. talk about internet traffic. time for an upgrade, people. ehehe.

the truth of the matter is that reading other people's secrets kind of made me realize that we are all part of everyone else's lives, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. sometimes, i would come across a post card and think to myself: 'i have been in her (or his) shoes one time or another.' that it is my secret as much as it is theirs.

some of the secrets are disturbing, some distressing. but more often than not, they are hopeful...because letting go of a nightmare or a dream by confessing it is to liberate oneself from whatever gravity or control it has over a person.

i think the 'top (10 or 20...depends on how many i can come up with) best list' would be one of the focal points of my blog. i am planning to resort to writing about a 'best list' that will occur to me when i really am not capable of talking about anything else. i think it will be interesting.

so here it is...the top twenty best secrets i have read on postsecret this year...

1. please find comfort in knowing that, 'everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.'
2. i'm thrilled with the person i am becoming.
3. i feel like we are standing on the edge of something big. take a leap of faith with me.
4. you are completely remarkable.
5. i want to tell you that i love you but i'm afraid of the silence that might follow.
6. the fact that you are even reading this gives me faith in humanity.
7. we're all waiting for something.
8. i want my last year back.
9. i am tired of waiting for God to find me. so i'll find myself. i started looking last night.
10. my secret was a lie.
11. i never want you to feel lost again.
12. your heart is an idiot!
13. there is no time i feel more alive than when my heart is breaking.
14. if i could fall out of love with you i would
15. every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around!
16. my entire life has been a lie by omission.
17. i lie the loudest when i lie to myself.
18. i love myself because you loved me first...happy mother's day!
19. your beauty is more than just skin deep.
20. what hurts more than letting you go is knowing you're not fighting to keep me.

for this week, i will post two secrets that took my breath away. here they are:

what would your secret be?

manila posted by imani , Saturday, December 13, 2008 at 7:36 AM, in Labels: imani's 'best list'

in the light of writing about the ten best things about baguio, i realized i shouldn't leave manila out. as a matter of fact there are a lot of great things to be said about manila. though i lived in quezon city and pasay city...i can say i sort of grew up in manila. hell, i spent all my student days there - from elementary to college.

so here's my list for the ten things to be adored about manila:

1. national museum of the filipino people. i know. saying that makes me feel like a freak. a freak, not a loser. i am that kind of person. i like going to museums. so deal with it. the orginal juan luna work, spoliarium, can be found in the national museum. i took nosh there last may 2008 and it was her first time to behold the great painting. i have been there several times but i always make it a point to see it...and up to this moment it still takes my breath away, i get the stendhal syndrome by just looking at it.

2. silahis. it's a huge filipiniana store located inside intramuros. you can find great mementos there - from rainmakers to furniture made of kamagong and what not.

3. university belt. where would we be (mumai, ara, chi, jos, louie and the rest of the femme fetales) if not for the cheap books sold there? i don't suppose going through college would be too easy.

4. my schools - when i was in grade school, i went to dr. a. albert elementary school - the place where i met my first 'terror' teacher, mrs. apilado and was in love with a guy named aaron thala (whereever you are - i hope you are well). in high school, i went to ramon magsaysay - where i met my best friend, monette and was the associate editor of the blue and white (the official campus english newspaper). at one point monette and i were stalked by a couple of kids who called us 'brainy.' fine. for college, i was lucky enough to receive full scholarship from la consolacion college manila, where i met mumai, josane, cherry, louie, ara, aye, bru, liza, aque...and well, the list goes on. it was also in college where i met the following teachers - sir vir de guzman, atty. pol juan, ma'am eunice parungao (i call her eunice and she hates it ehehe), ma'am claude duyala, dr. ruby senatin, dr. jimmy rico, - who taught me more than what was supposed to be shared inside the classroom, they taught me the importance of humility and the fact that we are all forever going to be students of the universe.

5. the history of the city. i am a history buff. i love manila because of its rich culture and because of the fact that intramuros is found in manila. when i was younger and i couldn't go around without my mom or my dad, i knew about manila's history through textbooks. when i started in high school, my classmates (yes, all of us from section edison) and i would go around the greater part of manila to discover the truth written in those textbooks we have read some years back. and i swear there was a moment we were inside intramuros when i'd have an epiphany every time we turn to a new street or avenue.

6. quezon bridge. it's the bridge from quiapo to ermita, and was designed by the man who created the eiffel tower...gustav eiffel.

7. the churches. during lent when we were in college, we'd have visita iglesia - we would go church hopping, as part of our commitment to our faith. it wasn't too hard to find catholic churches - sometimes you won't even have to ride the jeepney to go from one church to another. there's the manila cathedral, san agustin church (which is actually under the auspices of the order of st. augustine. i think i can get a discount if i'd ever decide to wed there), quiapo church (the site of the annual black nazarene procession), binondo church (where my dad used to take me), tondo church (my dad grew up in tondo, and it is in this church we can find the century-old ivory image of sto. niño), and san sebastian church (the only all-steel church in gothic style in asia).

8. liwasang andres bonifacio. i love this park because monette and i had a lot of memories there - one time we asked the manong to play the CD i just burned for monette and he obliged - how nice. it's where i wrote my poem, stillness in shifting, about 6 years ago. the park sits right in front of the philippine post office building.

9. arch of the centuries, in ust. i remember when i was part of the journalism group in high school, we were given lessons in photojournalism and i took a picture of the arch of the centuries...with its view from the entrance, you can actually see the clock at the main building. after taking the photograph, we had to write an article about it - and i did, aptly titled 'fragments of time.' ahhh...memories.

10. the manila hotel. i have never gone inside the hotel. the closest i have been to seeing the 570-room famed five-star hotel is viewing it from the walled city - where the femme fetales would gather every saturday afternoon to share stories and different wonderful reasons to laugh and cry together.

as the popular 80's song goes: manila, manila, i keep coming back to manila...simply no place like manila, manila i'm coming home.

there's no place like home :)

just when you thought i couldn't be posted by imani , at 7:22 AM, in Labels: freefall

any crazier than i already am...

i downloaded the x files main title theme...on my mp3 player!!!

i suddenly miss having to wait for the show to come on every monday night at 9pm.

if you think i am nuts then yes, i am!!!

just feeding my addiction...and believing that the truth - whatever it is - is still out there.

i am unafraid... posted by imani , at 6:51 AM, in Labels: imani's aphorism

to love you.

i am only scarred by the truth that i can never be myself without you.

violence posted by imani , Friday, December 12, 2008 at 9:13 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

seeking the fire in your tongue
longing for the electricity in your fingertips
clashing with the dews of your body
finding familiarity in your strangeness
bowing to the constellation in your eyes
soaring with the sunset in your hair
succumbing to the grace of your skin
arresting silence with the rhythm of your heartbeat
envisioning the light of your soul
trespassing the placid beauty of your shoulders
enfolding the unique, sensual desire in your touch
breathing the energy from your mouth
creating a sanctuary in your chaos
dominating the space on your thighs
tasting the infinite solitude on your flesh
grasping the elements the fill the marrow of your bones
inspiring to hold the air of your belief
sustaining the perpetual image of your smile
inviting to wander on the thoughts in your head
devouring your dignified simplicity
unraveling the hidden mystery of the blood in your veins
...dreams i can only hope to steal from the heavens.

your hands naked posted by imani , at 8:49 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

just a tangle
of flesh on
weakened bones
yearning for
depth in the
bed of your
shallow waters
the faintest scent
seems better than
the flower
the drops that
trickle down the
window
much meaningful
than the storm
because of your
words,
the smallest,
most fragile
moments seem
to bear the light
as it releases the
air in a dense
midnight.