maleficent posted by imani , Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 3:28 AM, in Labels: something else

i found an interesting photograph of angelina jolie on yahoo.com today. they practically waved a slab of meat to a hungry pitbull (or not really) - but this picture is enough to make us wonder how the movie would turn out - more of how it will be polished. this actually is reminiscent of lady gaga's (mother monster) look, she started sporting 'nubbins' and accentuated her lovely bone structure and declared that she was 'born this way.'

i have no doubt at all that angelina jolie can pull something off like this - after all, she's always been our girl, interrupted. she will be playing the coveted role of maleficent, sleeping beauty's arch-enemy in disney's up and coming motion picture.

according to the news, the movie is slated for a 2014 summer release. this is definitely something i'll be looking forward to.

darkness and light posted by imani , Monday, June 18, 2012 at 12:52 AM, in Labels: freefall

they say the sky is always darkest just before dawn.

if that is the case then the sun is not exactly shining in my side of the world. it is the exact same dawn, breathing the exact same perennial air of loneliness i usually get just before i turn a year older. i feel like i have been walking, traveling, treading on that paved avenue for days at no end.

this time, the first thing i heard is not a knock on the door or the alarm clock reminding me to wake up, get my act together and prepare for work. it's a thunderclap.

and in exactly eleven days, i will turn twenty nine.

i do not feel "old" or "ancient." it is not that kind of feeling that pushes me to re-think and re-evaluate my life. it is the notion of whether or not i have actually lived it.

this pseudo-depression, as i would label it, started when my father passed away. i just turned fourteen the year he succumbed to heart attack which lodged him into a coma, the same day my mom was supposedly celebrating her 48th birthday. what happened was she spent it in the hospital, and for an entire week, my family and i split our time between visiting my father, going to school and taking care of the chores at home.

that incident gave me a front row seat to a person's humanity - in short, someone's existence and death. and every year after that, i feel this pang inside my heart, a vague sense of not knowing if i am living up to my dad's wishes for me and my family's expectations of me.

i get that gnawing pain regardless of what i have accomplished or what i can still accomplish. it is as if my heart gets broken once a year - thinking and somehow knowing that things will forever be different because our lives have taken an entirely different direction when we lost my dad.

i am not blaming dad for this, no. it is just something that i could never seem to shake, no matter how i keep myself busy and no matter what i do to get my mind off of the idea of growing old and not being sure if the life that i am leading made any difference in someone else's existence - if i was at all able to touch lives or make someone's day better or if i was able to affect change, one way or another.

i do not want to discount the fact that i now have someone who is as resolute and as unwavering as i could ever dream anyone to be - my lifetime - and i am grateful that she talks to me when i get quiet, or when she feels that i am lost in my own thoughts. i am grateful that she tries to find a way, a means to take me out of that solitary, lonesome space.

i am not sure when i will ever be able to live through a year or some days without ever thinking of my own inadequacy or my own incapacity, but i also do not want to waste meaningful days when i know someone is loving me and looking after me regardless of my pain or my mess or my shortcomings.

maybe the storm will cease when i start to appreciate that there are some things that i can place upon my shoulders, that there are some things that i need to learn, that there are some parts of me that need mending - and that i may be drawn to darkness to begin with but i should also look at the one shining her light upon me.

the stories they tell posted by imani , Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 3:55 AM, in Labels: something else

who would have thought that the skeletal system shows as much as, if not more tell-tale signs of foul play versus its fleshy and muscular counterpart?

who would have.

that is what the fox hit series 'bones' teaches us. or has been teaching us for seven seasons. i doubt that i was the only one to get lost in the scientific blabber jabber when i started following the show. it was one of those that was both daunting and entertaining to watch, but i have to say that it is more science than science fiction.

enter our two major protagonists - dr. temperance brennan, played by the enigmatic emily deschanel and special agent seeley booth, a role given to the former vampire, david boreanaz. they, along with the rest of the jeffersonian institution's lot of squints - experts in pathology, entomology, cartography and perhaps other sciences that i have not heard of - fight crimes to keep the streets of washington d.c. free from criminals (name it - psychos, murderers, crooked cops, sneaky bastards, twisted maniacs).

the nice thing about bones is that the chemistry between the leads are undeniable...to the point - seething hot. that's probably the icing on the cake. what i really like about it is that the show's creator, producers, writers and directors offer the audience something to learn. it is like discovery channel - only that you cannot wait for brennan and booth's next heart-warming scene. these leads are striking contrasts of each other - yin and yang, light and shadow, creation and destruction. some have compared them with mulder and scully - though i think this bit is approached differently in 'bones.'

it got me through a brief, dark period in my life - where i found myself hurrying to go home so i can get myself my 'treatment.' though i would watch four to five episodes in a day, it never felt like i would suffer an overdose of it. what it left me with was the total antithesis of too much - i was left craving for more of it - more of the science and more of the tension between the main characters.

the character of dr. temperance brennan was based on forensic anthropologist's kathy reichs' novels - but according to reichs, who also produces the tv series, it would be a prequel to the more 'mature' dr. brennan as depicted in her books.

one of my favorite bones episodes was from season two - where the serial kidnapper 'gravedigger' was introduced. and just last month, i started streaming episodes from season seven online so i could do some catching up. and dig this: bones and booth had a baby.

the previous season left us with one hell of a cliffhanger - bones' revelation to booth that she is pregnant with his child and fast forward five months - they are sharing a domicile (in bones' own words), creating a new life and new memories together - and still dealing with fresh dead bodies and/or long time dead bodies.

in the last two weeks, i have scoured perhaps three book sale branches to get myself copies of kathy reichs' novels - and i so far have acquired nine of maybe a dozen books - for a little less than php 700.00. not bad at all. i have a good feeling tempe (and emily!) will be mighty proud of me as i attempt to devour the science as understood, interpreted and presented in the brennan tome:

marry the night posted by imani , Tuesday, May 22, 2012 at 12:30 PM, in Labels: freefall

which was what lady gaga did.

with perhaps 15,000 of her faithful minions in last night's final show at the sm mall of asia arena.  

i was there.

i am there.

i feel like i left a fraction of me exactly where she was.

i have never seen the filipino crowd 'obey' an artist the way she made the rest of us did.  we screamed, we hailed her name, we danced, we got off our derrieres, we put our paws up - when she asked us to.

it was like we were all in a trance.  i was in a trance.  i am still in a trance.

she is the consummate artist - her theatrical flair, her musical genius, her sheer talent, her undeniable ingenuity.  that, combined with the capacity of her crew - both onstage and the ones taking care of what happens backstage - left manila with one hell of a performance to remember.

she emerged from her 'castle' on a horse and the clamor for her name was so loud i know my eardrums popped before she even began her third song.  

she cursed and pranced upon the stage like a mad, wild woman.  oh, that she was.  and that she always will be.  she mused about betrayal and freedom and how she cannot tolerate homophobia and violence and hatred and gathered the crowd with her songs - some new, some old, all were unforgettable.  

she gave her audience nothing short of a spectacle - great choreography, great repertoire, innumerable costume changes (it felt like it, i lost count of the number of times she changed costumes), great live performance!

her voice was solid and it was something you cannot mistake to be somebody else's.  her speaking voice, however, was adorable.  it was husky and a little deep.  probably her italian roots has much to do with it.  or just like me - my voice would usually sound 'deeper' during the night.  do not ask me how or why.

she sang some of my favorites - poker face, just dance, paparazzi, alejandro, americano, born this way, you and i, bad romance - and many others that made last night's affair heart-pounding and blood-curdling.  all because i simply cannot fathom how a 26-year old performer who also wowed the crowd the night before could manage to keep herself alive and kicking for two full hours.  

it was undoubtedly her passion.  it was her desire to make sure each and everyone under that roof was dog tired at the end of the show.  it was this sweet, twisted need of hers to ensure that every single human being was having fun and will have much to remember.

she succeeded and has made her little monsters utterly and terribly happy.

when i got home, i was still humming the music to myself - even when i have a bitch of a headache and my ass hurt big time from all the dancing and the jumping.  

more to come as my brain recuperates (if it will cooperate with the rest of my body).  one thing is for certain -- there are moments and instances that one can easily shrug off.  this is not one of them. 

thank you for the wonderful ball, my lady.  hats off to you. :)

the lady is a tramp posted by imani , at 1:07 AM, in Labels: freefall

the erratic manila weather is driving everyone insane - save one - lady gaga. despite protests and vigils left and right, the show went on and we will rock again tonight!  i'm pretty sure she will give the word 'crazy' a totally new meaning.

she unveiled her born this way tour in manila last night and in a few hours, i'll be joining her and her minions for another night of artistry, theatrical flair and sheer musical genius!

i won't be writing much now, i'm really,really excited that i'll have a chance to see her perform tonight at the sm mall of asia arena.  

brand posted by imani , Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 2:47 AM, in Labels: something else

is the swedish equivalent of the word 'fire.'

and you guessed it right. this is a homage to stieg larsson's second installment to what i have aptly called the 'salander saga.'

the second book, which is called 'the girl who played with fire,' pretty much covered salander's tragic beginnings - how her father tortured her mother physically and psychologically, how her long term exposure to violence and disorder lead to 'all that evil,' which ultimately resulted to her being a ward of the state.

the first three paragraphs were actually written at least two months ago. i had the courage to go back to this 'post' again today, june 12th 2012.

for some reason i could not bring myself to write any more than what i have about larsson's opus. i am unsure why. perhaps it is because of my conviction that when i write about a book that i have read or give my piece about a literary material i have come across with means that it is all done. it has been finished.

and that was what i have probably been avoiding for over two months now.

then i realized that i still have the third book to write about. which makes it all the more depressing. i have created some sort of affinity with lisbeth - why she distanced herself from everyone else, especially to those she is most vulnerable with or most vulnerable to. i suppose it is this uncharted or unrecorded human response or instinct of hers that makes her do that.

that is something that i have not 'seen' or 'read' in any work of fiction in the last few years.

where do you get a protagonist who is both as indestructible as a thought made of steel, as resolute as any well thought of, well-written computer code, as volatile as the last known element on the periodic table. only in this novel.

only in this trilogy. only in this heart breaking treatment of possibly the best character ever to surface in the literary universe.

but one thing that is true about lisbeth is that she is elemental. as elemental as anything could get. as a matter of fact, she is sublime. as if her character or her persona transcends all forms of matter without any indication of changing its form.

more to come in the next few days.

that is if i can bring myself to gather what sadness and anguish i can recall about her.

rebirth posted by imani , Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 6:32 PM, in Labels: freefall

it felt like i have just been reborn.

after spending what seemed to be countless of days reading 'the rule of four,' my entanglement with the novel ended an hour or so ago.

it was satisfying. the book revolved around the renaissance text 'hypnerotomachia poliphili,' which translates to poliphilo's strife of love in a dream, a narrative in which the protagonist pursues polia, his love, his lover, whom he would die for and kill for, in a dreamlike escape.

the book itself presented a lot many things that need some serious digesting, and true enough, it took me close to a week before i could say i have read all four hundred something pages of it. what i really liked about the story is that it in itself was a short treatise for one of the major events in renaissance italy, when savonarola gathered all things negating christianity - art and texts alike - and burned them all as if to cleanse the city of its sinfulness.

now i am sitting in my study, watching my lifetime as she goes in and out of slumber, where i am blessed with brief moments to tell her i love her or that she should go back to sleep as i will be here when she wakes up.

i have told her several times over that i have returned to my passion for reading so i can keep myself preoccupied, believing it would make it easier for me to stop thinking about 'that' old mistress - smoking.

true enough, the last 9 books i have read in a month and a half gave as much help as i allowed them to offer.

but what i hope my lifetime would realize is that it is she who i hoped would keep me busy - and whom has actually kept me busy and made the idea of quitting something totally plausible.

then i go back to that notion when we wrestle with love in our wake and even in our dreams - that has so far been the kind of journey i have been sharing with her for the last nineteen months (or more), and every day i am grateful i am able to hear her voice when i open my eyes, and that the notion of closing them does not strangle my desire because she exists everywhere - she breathes and lives in every imaginable space and corner of my being.

it has been an endless renaissance for this soul. since she said she loves me. since that second she could no longer contain her emotions and decided to reach out for me and kiss me. since that moment she said she will do what she can to make me hers.

love liberates. it uplifts, compromises, to some point negotiates. love is the one i am looking at right now, with her hand on her face, her body draped with silence as she rests after a long and arduous day at work. love is her smile and her pause when she thinks or when she tries to conjure an idea to make me forget just how tough the day has been without her, love is her voice when she invites me to join her in a meal. love is her passion to want to build dreams. and it would appear that her love is the sigh of the moon right before the sun retreats in the horizon.

it has all happened. and hundreds of days later we still find moments we laugh and go back to how we began. it has happened and it is still happening.

happy nineteenth, mahal ko.

the trilogy that haunted me posted by imani , Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 10:44 PM, in Labels: freefall

in my dreams.

not exactly, but that was what it felt like.

since i saw the movie 'the girl with the dragon tattoo,' i never stopped thinking of when i can actually read stieg larsson's three-book masterpiece and this time, allow my head to imagine what would become of our punk heroine, lisbeth salander.

and just this morning, as i was set to do a bit of groceries, i saw that national bookstore is holding its annual summer book sale, where bookworms can feast on international titles and enjoy a 20% discount.

so i did the expected - i went around and scoured the shelves for the millennium trilogy. each of the books by larsson were valued at php 299.00 but i found a pack which can be bought for only php 745.00. and i thought i've stumbled upon gold.


when i reached the counter, the cashier personnel said i am still entitled to 20% off the original price. which meant i got the books for a little over php 630.00.

as of today, i have marked page 85 of 'the rule of four.' i am looking forward to starting with larsson's second installment to the salander saga (the girl who played with fire) since i have already seen the polished cinematic equivalent of the first book.


thank you to david fincher and to rooney mara for coming up with a visually enthralling, visceral, delightful interpretation of the girl with the dragon tattoo, that, as i mentioned on a post a few days ago - was enough for me to think the rest of the trilogy is worth delving into.


i do not find it odd that i feel a vague sense of closeness to the character lisbeth salander - how she struggles to keep herself together while the outside world continues to betray her and ostracize her. she has professed her own insanity and seems to be the least to be bothered by such a dense truth.

which is why i need to go back to reading now if i want to spend my weekend with 'the girl.'

i am certain posted by imani , at 10:25 PM, in Labels: freefall

that if i will be insane about a couple of things, that would concern my wife and books.

(and i have a feeling about what she will say about the statement i have just posted above.)

from march 16th up until april 15th, all national bookstore and powerbooks branches will be treating us bibliophiles to their summer book sale.


this means all titles can be bought with a 20% discount (with the exception of philippine publications). some are also available at prices ranging from php 100.00 to php 500.00.

this definitely is one good way to beat the crazy weather - whether you want to be solitary in a beach or in the confines of your room - bring a book with you. :)

an unexpected gift posted by imani , Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 2:03 AM, in Labels: freefall

a couple of days ago, my mom handed me a little package - it was wrapped in a dark olive green plastic bag and had tapes all over it, with a note carefully placed on top.

i didn't have to open it. i just tried to feel what was actually inside and i thought to myself:

it's a journal.

the gift came from ate mater - my cousin whom i have always professed to be the reason i listen to jazz in the first place. she also was the reason i came to like reading books. when i was a kid she would opt to buy me books in english instead of comic books which were a fad then and even now (regardless of what language). also, she was the one who gave me my own dictionary as a graduation present when i was in elementary school. believe it or not i still have the dictionary.

i might have mentioned this at one point, but ate mater always have encouraged me to read more and even delve in writing. for as long as i could remember she only truly gave me two things on my birthday or on christmas: i would get either a journal or a book.

and it was through her and this 'unwritten' but practical training that i knew i was able to develop my speech and writing skills. indeed, i did not have to be confined in any space. it is in books i find both my refuge and my adventures.