I am on Day 4…without a patch…
I have successfully kept myself off the grass, or the plant – the tobacco plant, that is.
After a week, I decided to quit using the patch, I most certainly understand that I eventually would really have to forego with the nicotine, so yeah…I did it…
I haven’t been on the patch for four days and I am armed with nothing but willpower…or maybe it’s the ‘won’t power’…I won’t smoke no matter how tempting it is, no matter how full I am, no matter how stressed out I am, no matter how much coffee I drink…
So yes, I suppose I can say I am actually on the ‘real test.’ Funny thing is that I don’t get to write much this past few days, it feels like all my creative juices went with the patch. Maybe if I put all the patches that I have used I can start writing again.
I think I have not smoked for a total of 12 days – which is just really ‘huge’ for me. I don’t suppose I have been ‘away’ from smoking that long. And just like any ‘lover’ I think of it sometimes, I miss it, and it feels weird for a stick to have that control over you. I would like to find myself, a few months from now, able to tell the world that I will not allow a stick to control me.
So I removed the patch off of my skin, to really see and prove if I could quit smoking without any help. I cannot say that ‘I am hoping it will work for me’ because I know I have to make it work for me – with a patch or without a patch. I just know that I have to stop…sometimes I feel like my body is more polluted than the air in Mexico City.
I used to think that it’s a lot easier to write when I smoke. I don’t know…I think it’s just me…and my idiosyncratic radicalism. Well now I know that I cannot simply just turn to smoking again if I want to write. There must be a patch for this kind of feeling.
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