tempted posted by imani , Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 2:51 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

a voiceless fury
caressing the perfect
stone of your
quiet
emerging on the
rough edges of my
dream
carrying the seed
of a ravaging
desire to wonder
and wander
in the contours
that crowd
your mind.

mirage posted by imani , Tuesday, July 28, 2009 at 4:24 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

hell burning
across unyielding valleys
consciousness transgressing
through uncertainties rippling
evil desires
sin without absolution
emptiness fills
death in motion
motion in death
fills emptiness
absolution without sin
desires evil
rippling uncertainties through
transgressing consciousness
valleys unyielding across
burning hell.

incognito posted by imani , at 4:20 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

your apparition
haunts me
and my soul cannot
escape,
my lips speak of a name
softly gliding
through my consciousness
reverberating
in the mute
chaos...
as you tame
the storms and
vanquish the
battles i have
to face
you touch my
heart like a
blossoming lotus,
but the hourglass is turning and
i cannot break it...
we do not remember days,
only moments
as i do not remember
time nor space,
i only remember you.

fall posted by imani , Friday, July 24, 2009 at 10:11 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

gathering momentum,
accelerating,
gravitating
towards
your earth
your supple skin
and with careful
glances
drink from your
flesh
savor your air

my innocence
begets
wonder.

between posted by imani , at 10:05 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

unknowingly
with all fervor and
desire
i have become the ocean
where i let your
sand play on my
wide shore
i have become the
waters that bathe
and wash your
feet at night

unknowingly
with all grace and
simplicity
you have carved
a heart
out of my stones
you have created
a dream
out of my life

and between
your rivers and
my reveries
lie the leaves
that have fallen
as my soul hastened
to your embrace

a steady, fiery
hunger that
started when
and ends never.

embraced posted by imani , at 10:05 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

by the warm, soft,
sweet yearning
i have found
in your mouth
the heat coming
from your little
fingers as
you touched
my face
i was left
desiring to linger
for five more minutes
to devour the
fire in your eyes,
the mist in your tongue
the electricity in your
gaze, in your words,
in your being
wanting to be lost
inside the mess
in your head,
untangle each knot
the way i would
unravel
you...
with my delicate
hands.

xxi ordinary things | poem ten posted by imani , at 10:00 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

raining heartbeats
the burdened sky
frees my soul
clasped by shadows
moving and stealing
the light away
darkness comes in
to devour and chain
me to a memory still
and all i can utter
is your name like
a prayer ~ i, ever so
silent, mute, unspeaking
my spirit whispering
infiniteness, forever
to a moment i have
yet to hold.

ruin posted by imani , at 10:00 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

as my body grows
cold and numb
it painfully remembers
the instrument of your
wrath
~ shackling my faith
as my eyes overflow
with tears and
all i can see is the
vision of a love
i once felt
the love we once had
and now, even when
its sweetness withers
the flowers
the fire thaws
the ice that covers
my heart
this passion
and disillusion
resurrects my soul
to its ruin.

breathing | poem five posted by imani , at 10:00 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the voices
rape the silence
in my head
scarring, bleeding
not to die
but to remain
alive, drowning in
agony, the ugly
and bitter memory of
my youth
taken away, my hands
are empty and
i am surrounded
by a void.

breathing | poem sixteen posted by imani , at 9:59 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

moving across
this endless tight rope
from one point
to another
in between ~
a gaping space ~
to be filled only
by doubts and disillusions
my soul wrestling
with fate
not wanting to
give up,
pushed to
its limits,
choked and haunted
by your envious
smile.

free posted by imani , at 9:55 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

you may
slowly
walk towards
me

to
touch
everything
i have saved
for you.

blank spaces posted by imani , Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 9:26 PM, in Labels: freefall

i want so bad to go back to writing.

but each and everytime i take a hold of my pen

i remember you

and i am at a loss for words.

mayhem posted by imani , at 7:18 PM, in Labels: freefall

I know of nothing now, save loneliness, haplessness and wretchedness. There is no use wishing to undo the things that I committed or turn back time so I can do them. There is only that hope that the next few days, the next thousand moments of my life wouldn’t be so difficult. But who am I to wish for that?

I am sorry for all the hurt that I caused you, or I am causing you now. I know how stifling it is. That’s the exact same thing that I am feeling. I wish I never had to drag you to my hell. You do not deserve this.

I am not making a lot of sense. These days I cannot even write a proper sentence. All that I could afford are phrases void of meaning. Because that is how I feel about myself. I am blank. I am empty. I am a stranger to myself.

I know I cannot wish for things to be easy – because when that happens, what will I be left to struggle for? I just wish I did not have to go through life like this – hurting people along the way, making them feel unnecessary, making it seem like all I care about is myself.

It is a long and dark road to destruction – it appears that I am destroying my life. And I never have felt so powerless to change anything. I know I can only change myself, I am so scared because I once have lost the things I wanted to run after. The days are long and the nights are imbued with desperation.

I am fading. I am slowly being consumed by my misery. I feel nothing. I am nothing.

sheetal sheth posted by imani , Tuesday, July 14, 2009 at 4:23 PM, in Labels: freefall

about a couple of months ago, i sent actor sheetal sheth an e-mail - through an e-mail address posted on her official website (sheetalsheth.com)...and she has replied.

OMG!

i first saw her in the movie 'i can't think straight,' with lisa ray.

--- On Mon, 7/13/09, Sheetal Sheth wrote: From: Sheetal Sheth
Subject: Re: Thank you.
To: alab_imani@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, July 13, 2009, 7:09 AM

lovely teresa-

thank you for that amazing email and for reaching out!! your support means so much and best to you with everything! wish you SO MUCH!!

take care, s.

On May 30, 2009, at 8:21 PM, alab_imani@yahoo.com wrote:

Sheetal, Hi! I am Teresa Anne Salvador and I come from Manila, Philippines. I just recently saw your movie with Lisa Ray, 'I can't think straight.' I just want to let you know that I think you two are phenomenal in the film. There are so many things about both your characters and the story line that just hit home.

You are emphatically a beautiful actor but more than that, you did a wonderful job portraying the character of Leyla. I think what drew me to the movie was the reality that I share a lot of similarities with your character - I also am aspiring to be a writer (poet, actually), and I also went through a 'difficult' experience in terms of coming out to my mother and sister. There was a phase in my life, even after I 'outed' (is that even a term? haha) myself that I felt invisible - that I wasn't being appreciated for who I am, that those who I love the most weren't seeing the real me.

I have read in one of your interviews that Leyla's the kind of person who would like to live her life in the truest, most honest way, which is why she made sure that her family knows her sexual identity - despite the truth that they might not understand it at first and that they might get hurt. Also, I find it to be a really huge inspiration that despite the bounds and frontiers your character was facing - you made sure that her 'inner fire' burned steadily throughout the movie. At the end of the film, it dawned on me that Leyla wasn't just one of the roles you had to play...you defined her and have become her.

I applaud you for accepting the challenge to take on such a complex character. Your movie definitely has reached out to a lot of people - I have actually just become your (biggest!) fan. The matters that were unveiled in the movie were critical, realistic and current. You, Lisa, Shamim and everyone else involved in creating 'I can't think straight' did a terrific job - because a lot of people can relate to what you have shown. Your movie and your character is timeless...and I say it is timeless because wherever we are, whatever our race or gender is, we would always be conflicted with issues, but your movie tells people, your movie tells me that things will get better, that there is something to hope for. That if we are not upfront with who we are, the only person we risk hurting is ourselves.

Again, I would like to say thank you so very much. You are a great inspiration to a lot of women - of all age range - you are a great inspiration to me.

I wish you all the very best.

Sincerely,

Téa

aj plus ea posted by imani , Friday, July 10, 2009 at 10:20 PM, in Labels: something else

it is an interesting equation, actually. my favorite actor, the ephemeral angelina jolie just signed a deal with top fashion house emporio armani to front the advertising campaign for their new scent, still unnamed as of this minute.

what an idea. angelina jolie definitely is dynamic, she is maverick, she is tough, she is committed, she is emotional, she is assertive, she is a humanitarian, she is ageing gracefully, she is a mother of six and she still is undeniably scorching hot. i don't believe she has done a campaign for perfume ever so to accept this offer would emphatically further her career.

in other news, aj just ranked number one as the world's ultimate lesbian heroine, says a poll that sought the opinion of at least 2, 600 lesbians - which proves that her appeal is unquestionable, and her star power won't dwindle any time soon.

The complete top 20 ranking of lesbian heroines is as follows:

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Madonna
3. Pink
4. Martina Navratilova
5. Ellen DeGeneres
6. Kylie Minogue
7. Lady Gaga
8. Annie Lennox
9. Beyoncé
10. Germaine Greer
11. Liza Minnelli
12. Gwen Stefani
13. Cher
14. Janet Jackson
15. Tori Amos
16. Britney Spears
17. Cyndi Lauper
18. Scarlet Johansson
19. Sarah Jessica Parker
20. Dolly Parton

her unintentional intensity posted by imani , Thursday, July 9, 2009 at 4:02 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

i.
her unintentional intensity,
tense, unperturbed, illogical
frightens the shit out of your
skull in a fashion that
would leave anyone at
the end of their wits.

ii.
her unintentional intensity
illuminates and obliterates
that which lacks complexity
in a manner that extinguishes
your minute, dreamy, make-believe fire
exhaling an elegy of ashes
from your lethal, lethargic mouth.

iii.
her unintentional intensity
filling what once was just a blank,
passionless, desecrate desert
of black would-have-beens
the painful, unremitting evocation
of smoke from the cunning
cigarette filters tainting your
lips with cancer.

iv.
her unintentional intensity
beguiling even the shadow of your
juvenile delusions that lead
to wet dreams and raging hormones
your eyes peeping through the
midnight hole and into hers,
deep into her mystic, dark beginnings
finally summoning a brutal war
of rhetorical provocation.

the pandemonium posted by imani , Wednesday, July 8, 2009 at 3:29 PM, in Labels: freefall

is becoming more and more selfish.

i am reduced to a tangle, a figment, an image of nothingness.

i am fading.

j. d. salinger posted by imani , Tuesday, July 7, 2009 at 3:00 PM, in Labels: something else

Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.

~from the book, the catcher in the rye

crossroads posted by imani , at 1:09 AM, in Labels: freefall

will find the light soon. will make sense of the senselessness. will fight. will remember. will cherish. will be alone. will be grateful. will be one. will be together. will be fulfilled.

crawling posted by imani , Friday, July 3, 2009 at 7:13 PM, in Labels: freefall

it has been five days since i got inked...and my tattoo is peeling. it looks horrible. on the plus side, this means that i am not afflicted with diabetes because my wounds heal fast. wahahaha. the tattoo is so itchy there's this heat that crawls under my skin. i am not sure why i have to gripe - it isn't like it's the first time i am going through all this. i suppose the itch will always shock me.

my friend reich told me earlier that she wants to have a tattoo again. this time, she is thinking of having the russian word for 'infinity' etched on her back. wow. what an original idea!

it has been two days since i took my leave. the work that i had to do the last couple of days shocked my system. but i do feel good that i am productive and that i am able to help the people i am handling, and the feeling of being responsible to a huge group and still manage to pull through (without breakdowns) is priceless. i like the feeling that i matter.

the promise of sunsets posted by imani , Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 3:27 PM, in Labels: freefall

i just chatted with tin tin (thanks to facebook - i cannot open my yahoo messenger huhuhu)...and promised that each and everytime i will go to harbor square (in CCP), i shall take a picture of the horizon and post it on my blog.

hope that makes you feel closer to your family and friends.

we are all missing you like hell, woman!

limbo posted by imani , at 12:39 AM, in Labels: freefall

how many times have i been in limbo?

i have lost count...no actually, the fact of the matter is...i wasn't counting to begin with. but i do know, within me, that there has been a handful of instances i felt 'stuck.'

before i turned 26, i was...pretty excited about it - about 'ageing' and all that. i was a little daunted by the idea that there's nothing that i can do really to stop the world from revolving - but was pretty excited that there definitely would be a whole lot of other new things to understand and to learn and to discover.

until three days later...poof. all the excitement is gone. i can't really gather my thoughts and i do not believe i am making sense as i type (now).

sure i had fun when i celebrated my birthday...and was so relieved to find myself alive the day after my birthday. not exactly unscathed but hey...i am breathing and kicking and that definitely should be good enough.

then i realized that it isn't.

dowa posted by imani , Wednesday, July 1, 2009 at 6:46 AM, in Labels: freefall

i miss you like hell.

last weekend i was cleaning my room and i found some of the post-its you gave me. it'd be a whole lot better if we'd spend time to get that cuppa joe - but i want for you to know that your words keep me optimistic and always remind me of your light and love.

i miss your laughter.

dowa is one hell of a writer - here's something she wrote a couple of years back:

i find myself itching to reach out

and grab warmth from your

mouth,

as slowly and as deeply as to

make you forget for a moment

where you come from,

and who waits for you after this.

breathtaking posted by imani , at 6:34 AM, in Labels: freefall

i am the kind who thinks too much...even when i am not idle...which i think is nuts and is unusual. i mean, come on, the stuff that i do at work should be more than enough to help me burn neurons.

now that i am officially 26 (and i say officially because i have denied every possibility that i can go back to not being 26 - it's already july for pete's sake!) - i have a feeling that i will be more inclined than i normally am to contemplate.

last monday was a blast. more than anything, the truth is that the people i have surrounded myself with made celebrating my birthday a lot more fun. in fact i received a couple more gifts that truly made monday rock! i got a portrait and 26 poems!!!

so thank you - for all your love and wisdom and magic and patience. i celebrate having you all in my life.