I know of nothing now, save loneliness, haplessness and wretchedness. There is no use wishing to undo the things that I committed or turn back time so I can do them. There is only that hope that the next few days, the next thousand moments of my life wouldn’t be so difficult. But who am I to wish for that?
I am sorry for all the hurt that I caused you, or I am causing you now. I know how stifling it is. That’s the exact same thing that I am feeling. I wish I never had to drag you to my hell. You do not deserve this.
I am not making a lot of sense. These days I cannot even write a proper sentence. All that I could afford are phrases void of meaning. Because that is how I feel about myself. I am blank. I am empty. I am a stranger to myself.
I know I cannot wish for things to be easy – because when that happens, what will I be left to struggle for? I just wish I did not have to go through life like this – hurting people along the way, making them feel unnecessary, making it seem like all I care about is myself.
It is a long and dark road to destruction – it appears that I am destroying my life. And I never have felt so powerless to change anything. I know I can only change myself, I am so scared because I once have lost the things I wanted to run after. The days are long and the nights are imbued with desperation.
I am fading. I am slowly being consumed by my misery. I feel nothing. I am nothing.
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