sonnet five posted by imani , Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 10:53 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

you and me
sonnet five

the rapture, the elation, the bliss
that you leave me in when the sunlight grace my
window and your shadow haunts me,
follows me like a dream, a desire, a fantasy

there are times i am left
with nothing except the incessant longing to
be in your arms, within your safe harbor,
surrounded by peace, resting in stillness

loving the life that you have given me
living in love and loving you, my life
i have been treading the path blindly

but now everything becomes clear
that my heart beats and breathes because
you are near and you sustain me.

sonnet four posted by imani , at 9:45 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

you and me
sonnet four

your skin a shimmering land of honey
yet i know it is a shroud betraying the
beauty that thrives within you
for you are who you are and what i see,

what i feel and what i touch is magic and
energy untainted and your fingers stir
my senses and give rise to a thousand
reveries conceived by a mind that thinks of

nothing but the wonder that the lithe
and impeccable contours of your body
exude in the silence of seconds and

eras, in the death and ruin of lies
i have your tranquil and unperturbed
glance leading me back home.

i raise my cup posted by imani , at 8:37 AM, in Labels: freefall

I do not know why it took me so long to finally let things out and empty my system.

Perhaps I was afraid that once I have revealed what I truly feel about what happened, I would end up with nothing.

I was wrong.

The Doyen of Weird Attraction – Jerlen – spent her last day in the company with Erick and myself last October 1st. We went to Starbucks beside E-telecare (am not sure if that was really the name of the company…or maybe I am just plainly not paying attention.)

We spent about 3 hours together…something that we have not been able to do for a long time. This year, the three of us went out to get coffee 3 times. Once every quarter. It is more than depressing. It is freaking unbelievable and just made all of us feel somehow that the universe is consipiring for the Doyens to never ever spend some quality time together.

Anyway…hanging out with each other always meant getting a cup of coffee from Starbucks. Our favorite Starbucks branch used to be in Glorietta 2, until that fateful day.

Starbucks (both the ambiance and the coffee) paved way to a lot interesting discussions for the Doyens - some are satisfying, others are unsettling. Honestly, I do not believe there's a lot of people who can spend an entire day with me (without leaving them feeling like all their energies have been depleted). But all three of them managed to survive occasions when they had to put up with my childishness, my foolishness, my inability to process thoughts on my own.

In this place, over a cuppa joe, we babbled about anything and everything under the sun, we pondered on the mysterious depths of the universe (our universe), we revealed memories we did not dare unveil to other people. We also were subjected to Erick's perfectly-timed innuendoes, Jerlen's wicked sense of humor and Ernie's ceaseless enthusiasm.

So last October 1st, we shared some really great stories, we laughed our lungs out, we scalded our sinuses with coffee (except for Erick, who bought a burger meal from McDo, adjacent to Starbucks), we laughed some more to the point all three of became flatulent.

But there was something that day. There was an air of sadness, an air of nostalgia. We all know that things won’t ever be the same again, but we all avoided having to talk about it.

It was as if discussing the ‘end’ or anything that has to do with any kind of ‘ending’ has become a taboo.

I miss Jerlen so much. Erick and I had a nice little conversation the other day. That we cannot accept it would be the last time we’d ever be together. I, for one, just want to really hold on to Jerlen and have her stay with us (meaning work in the same place) for as long as possible, but I know I have to respect her decisions. So I held myself back – because I understand what it means to her.

Before we ended the coffee session, we clinked our ‘cups’ (since we were drinking coffee) and smiled. Ernie, if you would ever read this, don’t worry, we raised our ‘cups’ for you…to honor you, to honor what we have, to honor the Doyens.

I suppose there is only one thing that won’t ever be the same again. I won't ever be the same again. I won’t ever be the same because Jerlen, Erick and Ernie all have become part of me ~ part of my id if you will. I won’t ever be the same because they have allowed me to look at situations differently, they have made so many should-have-been ‘shackling’ moments seem to not matter at all.

More than anything, I know that the friendship that all four of us share encompasses stories and secrets and blackmail (in case you would attempt to share it with someone outside the group). Our friendship is about life, and living it the best possible way we can.

So let me raise my cup/mug/glass/goblet for you, my Doyens ~ in the end we only think of the beginning…and let me confess…I doubt that there would ever be an end to this.

I love you guys.

i dream of you posted by imani , Saturday, October 4, 2008 at 3:11 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

becoming the narrow
banks my bare feet would
walk upon…
becoming the sudden,
perfect tear to wash
my hands of my sorrow…
becoming the crescent
moon that kisses my
skin at midnight…
becoming the unaltered
peace i find in my
dreams…
becoming the intrepid
sunlight that pierce
my eyes…
becoming the ardent,
unexpected
spring in my october…
becoming the only one
i desire

now
and
always.

on my skin posted by imani , Friday, October 3, 2008 at 3:05 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

sometimes
i am
tempted
to write
my words
all over you
because
i know that
anytime
you want to
you can write
your thoughts
on my
skin
too.

this world posted by imani , at 3:01 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

to be
without

you

is
a

frightening
angle
of

peace.

levity posted by imani , at 3:00 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

high up in the air

weightless, a moment's despair

void of my own life.

zilch posted by imani , at 2:53 PM, in Labels: freefall

nothing seems to suffice right now.

everything is just so crazy. everything is suffocating.

i wrap my mind on thoughts and things that i really cannot do anything about.

i no longer feel like i can stop the downward spiral.

i no longer feel like i am able to do the things that i want to do.

or maybe it is just because i am looking at one direction.

that i do not value the detour.

or that i am rushing to understand the truth of what is happening to me.

perhaps.

perhaps i have changed.

perhaps it wasn't necessarily the situation that has maimed me.

perhaps i was too weak to fight it and just allowed for things to be.

sonnet three posted by imani , Thursday, October 2, 2008 at 3:08 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

you and me
sonnet three

your graceful soul unceasing
never losing radiance or hope
when the dark memories loom and threaten
the mist of the night and i am here

beloved aching and breathing only for you
my light and my life, my soul and my peace
holding the infiniteness in each breath
you take and in all the truths you give away

shattering my doubts and breaking my tears
before they fall you have caused my heart
to hasten to your arms and enfold

every fiber of my being with contentment
and delight, you have without uncertainty
permitted this soul to exist.

sonnet two posted by imani , at 3:05 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

you and me
sonnet two

when my book opens, your gaze
and smile flutters through the wilderness,
through the vast expanse of the universe,
through the haze, through the void

and my hands will take yours
and will know it like all beautiful
things should be recognized
and will remember every trace of

simplicity and grace, unravel each
strand of mystery from your body
that conquer my fears

and with my eyes dreaming, my thoughts
shall wander and find your heart
in my life as my book closes.