between posted by imani , Friday, December 12, 2008 at 8:36 AM, in Labels: imani's aphorism

today and tomorrow


is you.

and only you. because you are the one who steers your course, who decides, who chooses what direction to take, who is solely responsible for the mess, the carnage, the wreckage, the disappointments, the frustrations, and more importantly - the life you want to lead.

musings at 12 midnight posted by imani , at 8:04 AM, in Labels: freefall

so i am on leave for one whole week...but in about five days time, the notion of 'having so much time in my hands' no longer would apply. and usually, if we have time in our hands, we ponder too much to the point of having an epiphany everytime we breathe in and out.

here are a few things that i wish to accomplish by next year:

• start saving. i am 25 years old and have been working for five years but i do not have a savings account. can you freaking believe that?
• continue collecting neil gaiman's the sandman series. i currently have 4 books, which means i 'only' need 6 more. anyone interested to get me book 5 this christmas?
• resign from my current job. wahaha. totally kidding there.
• look for another job - not kidding, but maybe weighing options. darn, i better make my mind up.
• invest on clothes. i need to 'fill' the cabinet i just bought myself, which got my sister wondering if i am getting married because over the last year and a half i have been buying furniture.
• finally get myself a copy of 'chicken pox for the soul' by jessica zafra.
• rekindle. with people. with myself.
• take anxiety management classes. my body still hasn't gotten used to the sudden bursts of terror and distress caused by my work.
• get more good books for botchok.
• continue being 'visible' to my friends - especially my high school and college friends. i miss you guys.
• go back to swimming. i need to exercise.
• maybe take up yoga classes - again.
• stop being tortured by people from my past.
• stop being maimed by the idea that she would need someone else other than me.
• stop destroying the things that i create.
• sing my heart out. in the bathroom. or in the silence of the night.
• continue writing poetry. who knows, they might get published, posthumously.
• immerse myself in the things that i am capable of.
• celebrate life. by creating another life?!?! wahaha.
• buy fake dvds of the complete 5 seasons of ally mcbeal.
• wait for the 6th and final season of the l word.
• be more thankful for the things that i actually have, and not whine because i cannot get some things.
• bring myself closer to Him.
• visit my dad, sister and grandparents at least once a year.
• stop harming myself by swallowing my pain.
• continue being a source of light.
• start loving myself a little more.

that's a long list. i better start working on them soon.

the future posted by imani , at 7:58 AM, in Labels: imani's aphorism

is one big space.

do not kill yourself over one mistake. there's plenty of room for you to fufill your heart's desires, to write your history and rewrite it, to realize that you have faltered and make amends.

1051200 minutes posted by imani , at 6:18 AM, in Labels: imani's 'best list'

it was our 2nd anniversary last december 8th...and we went to baguio to celebrate. we previously have been there twice and though we (sort of) have gotten familiar with the place, there is something about baguio that continues to captivate us. i am listing the top ten best things about the summer capital (what a cliché!) of the philippines.

1. zola. it's this little café at the end of session road. they have really good food, which is available at really affordable prices (i should get a discount next time because i plugged it ehehe). plus...coffee is freeflowing from 3am to 11am. you can just imagine our relentlessness to wake up early so we can drown ourselves in caffeine.

2. what else...strawberries! i love the fact that really ripe and sweet strawberries are available for as low as php50 every corner we turn to. wow. we haven't tried eating strawberries coated in chocolate though. okay...expletives deleted wehehehe.

3. café by the ruins. next time anyone of you would have the chance to go to baguio, visit the café (that is if not all of you have gone there...sometimes i feel so primitive, like i am always the last person to discover a good place). their foccacia bread really goes well with the liver spread and cheese spread. and the meal is actually very filling. nosh and i had a blast of a morning, agot isidro was dining on the other table when we got in. here are a few pictures we took of ourselves while we were eating breakfast at the café:

4. the people. the baguio natives are just so courteous. the manong taxi drivers aren't manunubas (ehehe, that's just so coñotic). i mean, the flag down rate for the cabs is at php25 and if for example the ride costs you php37 and you give php50 (because of the additional php10), they would really give you your php3 back...and would graciously tell you that they don't have change if they cannot hand you anything. i hope all the cab drivers in manila are like them.

5. our lady of atonement cathedral. for the feast of the immaculate conception, i heard a mass at the cathedral and it truly was solemn. i love the fact that i was inside the church for a good hour and shared that genuine moment with possibly about 300 hundred people yet i have never felt so close to silence and so joyful to celebrate my faith.

6. cheap hotels. you can get a room for as low as php800 a night - and you never have to be too far from session road. wow. at night when you travel to baguio, do not miss looking at the lights on the side of the mountains...they sight is simply breathtaking. it's as if place is covered in a sheet of stars.

7. ube jam from good sheperd. my mom and my sister loves the ube jam and for our trip this year i bought them 3 jars...which i think wouldn't last more than 3 days. ehehe. my sister told me she's planning to hide one of the jars under their bed. wahahah.

8. the cold. i think i have mentioned this on one of my posts...i get hives when the weather is too cold or too hot. but knowing that the average temperature in baguio falls at about 16 degrees celcius (or something), i could care less. i love the weather...for 3 days i did not have any zit and my cheeks are always pinkish (wow, ako na mestiza wehehe). and because of the weather, we can afford to wear coats (i have a knee length trench) and mufflers. but dig this - i went there armed with halters and tank tops. ahaha. i think i made agot wonder why i was wearing a tank top and muffler at 8 in the morning.

9. ukay ukay. cheapness galore! i was able to get a pair of brown knee-high boots and a brown bag for php500. tawaran portion to the highest level especially that nosh is there with me. i was also able to get my very first pair of isaac mizrahis (moccasins) for only php500. and the best part is that it is new. for my mom's birthday, i got her a pair of moccasins by aerosoles (which would normally cost around php5000) for only...tadah...php350!!! OMG.

10. mine's view park. this year was different. for the last couple of times that nosh and i have been to baguio, we would go to mine's view park because that is where you can get cheap pasalubongs - native crafts that includes kitchen utensils, woven bags, t-shirts, keychains (of every shape...yeah, you know what i mean...from pine cones to penises to totem poles to sandals)...but there was something else that caught nosh' attention. in mine's view, there are photographers who would snap your picture for about php10 (depends on the size of the photograph)...so she was looking at the samples and noticed a picture of jolibee - the backdrop being the lush mountains and the foggy air.

which beg the questions: what was jolibee doing in mine's view park? and secondly...who the hell took the mascot there?

pseudo overhaul posted by imani , at 6:10 AM, in Labels: freefall

before our anniversary, nosh and i decided to have a bit of an overhaul...of our do's. it's my first major haircut since i started growing my hair.

surfacing... posted by imani , at 5:56 AM, in Labels: freefall

i know...

i have been gone a long time...a total of 12 days. i was caught in a wreck called 'work' prior to me taking my week long vacation leave, so please forgive me.

and now that i finally found the time to write...the boy who keeps on yelling like a testosterone-crazed hyena is occupying the terminal a few seats away from me.

the universe is not joking. i am telling you.

just a thought posted by imani , Monday, December 1, 2008 at 8:19 AM, in Labels: freefall

okay...i will make sure that this is my last post for today...as i need to relieve my bladder. i have a feeling that one of two things will happen if i don't finish this in 10 minutes. one, my bladder will explode. or two, my pee will shoot out of my nose. neither would look good so i better be quick with this.

nosh and i have been thinking of getting another tattoo. i know. another. you must think that i am nuts. well you are not wrong. i won't argue with you about that. i currently have six tattoos. and i thought to myself, six is not really a good number. maybe i would stop with eight. ehehe.

so, this afternoon, before nosh and i went to sleep, we saw the movie 'mimzy' and came across a hindi/buddhist term - mandala - which in common use, refers to any plan, chart or geometric pattern that represents the cosmos metaphysically or symbolically. a microcosm of the universe from the human perspective. sometimes, a mandala can also represent the entire universe. in buddhist belief, the purpose of the mandala is to put a halt to human affliction, to attain a heightened sense of being and to achieve the correct view of reality. it is a means to unveil divinity by the understanding and realization that it resides within one's own self.

so i would like to invite everyone (all two of you) who would read this post to vote. i will have my 7th tattoo in less than a week's time (i think)...just let me know which looks better on my back.

mandala figure one

mandala figure two

seven posted by imani , at 7:56 AM, in Labels: freefall

i just posted rosiehardy's interpretation of the seven deadly sins.

here are seven of the holy virtues that correspond invertly to the sins:

vice - virtue

lust - chastity
gluttony - temperance
greed - charity
sloth - diligence
wrath - patience
envy - kindness
pride - humility

just the same, each of the seven deadly sins is paired with a demon, who tempted people by means of the associated sin.

lucifer - pride
mammon - greed
asmodeus - lust
leviathan - envy
beezlebub - gluttony
satan/amon - wrath
belphegor - sloth

unearthing beauty posted by imani , at 6:53 AM, in Labels: freefall

i found a couple of great things today.

actually i found out about the first of my two discoveries last night, while i was updating my blog and was surfing the net. i was looking for photos and chanced upon an artist called rosiehardy. she has a profile on flickr.com. she's just awesome. she's a photographer and a lot of her works are found on the website i just mentioned. her photos are really interesting and there's just the right amount of darkness (and light) in it (i am talking figuratively - not technically) to get anyone curious. you guys should check her stuff out. i will be posting her take on the seven deadly sins on this post.

secondly...i found a collection of pablo neruda's poetry called 'intimacies' (or in spanish - 'intimismos'). i just finished getting coffee at starbucks (all by myself) and decided to drop by national bookstore to look for 'the claiming of sleeping beauty' (and they do not have a copy - huhuhu) and i am so excited to get one for myself. isn't spanish just the most romantic language (aside from Filipino, of course). the book is as big as his other poetry book 'on the blue shores of silence.' today is a day of discoveries. i unveiled one which is a feast for the eyes, and another, a feast for the mind.

as promised...here are rosiehardy's photographs outlining the seven deadly sins (also known as capital vices or cardinal sins):

envy (latin, invidia)

greed (latin, avaritia)

gluttony (latin, gula)



lust (latin, luxuria)

pride (latin, superbia)

sloth (latin, acedia)

wrath (latin, ira)

what a way to end the month posted by imani , at 6:10 AM, in Labels: freefall

i know that it's the onset of december and i should be done griping.

but i cannot.

last sunday on my way home to clark, i left my book on the bus. i had a couple of books with me that time. twisted 8 by jessica zafra, which by the way am so relieved to find inside my bag, and the claiming of sleeping beauty by anne rice, which i hoped i could re-read over the weekend. i am actually off on sunday and monday nights. monday does not really count as a day at the end of the week, but it is for me - in my own universe.

so yeah. i lost a book. i LOST a book. this is the first time something like this happened. and i am still in mourning. nosh did not know how to console or pacify me. neither did i. it's just all too tragic for me. i have never lost a book in my life. i've lent books to friends and some never found its way back to me but i am okay with that. at least i know that the ones who have my stuff are taking care of them.

i am a little depressed. for Christ's sake! that book is as old as me. i got it when i was in college but it was first published in 1983. i know i can always get myself another copy...but there is something about losing a book and not knowing whose hands it will fall on. i am not sure if that person will ever find it in his heart to appreciate the literature. and more than anything - it's an erotica - emphatically not for the faint hearted.

and what is more distressing is that the second and third book of anne rice' beauty series is sitting at home...and they have not the vaguest idea that their sister's not going to be there.

nosh told me that perhaps it is time that my book find its journey. i know we have to learn to let go of some things - it is one way for me to unclutter two of my already brimming bookshelves. but i wish i knew that the next person to read it would take the time to consider what is written - and to keep an open mind about it.

anyone who would attempt to read the entire book would die of exhaustion and dehydration - from sweating too much. you know what i am talking about.