feed the hungry posted by imani , Wednesday, January 21, 2009 at 6:45 PM, in Labels: freefall

i am halfway done with salman rushdie's the enchantress of florence. i had to put the book down sometimes so i can watch videos at home. anyway, here's a line from the book that i want to share with you:

if she was a meaning

i would have meant her.

i'm dead.

mumai...i found this in my inbox :) posted by imani , Tuesday, January 20, 2009 at 4:50 PM, in Labels: freefall

this is for you mumai - thank you for your unwavering faith in our friendship. thank you for 9 great years (and counting!)

From: Mai Lyte Lopez [mailto:mailyte.lopez@pioneer.com.ph]
Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2006 10:27 PM
To: Teresa.Salvador
Subject: Re: reasons

Dear Pot,

Whatever you revealed the other night would be kept unless you wanted so otherwise. And no, you did not spoil the night because of what you did. Somehow, moments like those are the ones that make a difference in our friendship. What we shared made us closer than we were when we got to your place and made that night more special than it already is. I was deeply affected about what you had to go through but now I also know that there is a much deeper reason behind you being a strong and determined person.

Remember that I'll always be here for you. There may be times when you feel I'm nonexistent. There may be times when you feel that I don't care. There may even be times that it would seem I'm too busy with my life that I can't accommodate you. When you feel this, bear in mind that for you guys, I'll never be busy and I'll never be indifferent.

Last night, although I haven't really slept for more than 36 hours, the conversations we had kept popping in my mind. I just felt that what each of us went through had made us more at peace with ourselves knowing that the next obstacle that we have to face will not be of much different from the last one and will not be much harder. There's nothing in this world that can break us. After all, like you said, we've been through hell and back. It's just that we have different hells thus having various tolerance for pain (now, it's much clearer to me why you had such tolerance for anything painful). And for as long as we're together as friends (more than that actually), we all know tomorrow's not so unknown anymore. Let's just create our own heaven in this hell. ;-)

Love you always,
Mumai
----- Original Message -----
From: Teresa.Salvador
To: Mai Lyte Lopez
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2006 1:17 AM
Subject: reasons

Dear Mumai,

There are a lot of reasons why I am writing this. Thank you for being there last February 14, not only to celebrate the ‘singles awareness day,’ but also to hear out whatever mess and confusion that I shared with you. And like what I said, there never would be a perfect time to unveil my history…and I apologize if I actually spoiled our ‘drinking spree.’ But I am relieved now, more than ever, because one of the few people whom I really trust (with my life) is aware of it, and I know that there is nothing that we cannot accept about one another. I appreciate you listening to me and without you saying it; I am assured you’d graciously keep my story in your heart. I am no longer terrorized by that person, but that past is of course, the reason why I am who I am today. I am old enough to protect myself, and I know now, that a lot of you will be protecting me too. And I thank you for that. So now you will realize and believe that I have my own reasons, I have deeper reasons that I know not too many people will understand, or will even ‘attempt’ to look beyond. Yes, I have been through hell and back, and I emerged bruised, scathed…beaten, but never broken. But at the end of it all, we all are capable of creating a hell out of our heaven, or a heaven out of our hell. I hope in time I’ll master that.
Anyways, thank you for being there always. Love much.

Imani

ten random things about me posted by imani , Sunday, January 18, 2009 at 6:43 PM, in Labels: imani's 'best list'

here are some of the things my closest friends and my family may or may not know about me.

1. i have an AB+ blood type - i share the same blood type with only one person in my family - my father, and he has been gone over eleven years.
2. i have a penchant for all things black.
3. i lose myself to and reveal myself through writing. I find myself in books.
4. i am allergic to crustaceans and i get hives when the weather is too hot or too cold. lately, the only thing that rid me of my hives would be a shot of benadryl. somehow the capsules don't work anymore.
5. i had rollerblades when i was 11 years old. i lost my virginity because of my bike when i was nine - the breaks did not work and the bike sped downhill. the next thing i know i was on the ground and you probably know what happened.


6. my favorite book as a child was charles dickens' 'the christmas carol.'
7. we do not have a family picture. my sisters and i would have a photograph with either my mom or my dad but never all of us together. it was sad at first then i resolved to thinking that perhaps one of them was always taking the picture.
8. i come from a family wherein most of us have hispanic names (my last name, salvador is actually portuguese, while my middle name, cruz is spanish - so i suppose that makes me one-fourth of each) - my dad is ernesto romeo, my mom is federica, my sisters - jasmin and monica; i have cousins whose names are maria theresa, ana cecilia, rodolfo jr., federico II, angelo ricardo, paulo ricardo (then we have a number of maria's in the family) - maria angelica, maria mirasol, maria cristina, maria lea - then there is aurora, ireneo, mario, milagros; my neice and nephews' names are ana isabelle, miguel and angelo, also known as botchok.
9. my bladder problem started when i was in high school - when i would eat a big bag of jack and jill's tortillos and drink coca-cola when i review my notes from class each night. i made my mom cry when she found out that i was sick.
10. i was born 29th of june, at around 8 o'clock in the morning, it was a wednesday in 1983. my mom had an extreme liking for cucumber and queso de bola when she was pregnant with me (which, i think, explains my pale, yellowish skin). i share the same birthday with maria of aragon (born 1482), antoine de saint-exupéry (born 1900) and nicole scherzinger (born 1978). so maybe one time or another i was a queen of portugal, a french writer and a pussycat doll. american actress katherine hepburn died on the same day, in 2003.

when it rains posted by imani , at 6:40 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

i open my hands
to enclose your face inside
i open my eyes
and turn the lights off
to bit by bit
slide down your spine
to fall, glide and hide
under the covers
and deep into you
where the water is
still and the stars
in your universe
are undraped by my touch
here i am
attempting to conceal
the burning desire
to take you in
and let you begin
the dance, make you
feel every inch of my
skin that throbs,
every string of my breath
that lingers
on all the corners
of your mind
wanting nothing
but me.

silent summon posted by imani , at 6:36 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

strangely at this
very moment
i will lose myself
to you...
like i always have,
in my dreamland
where our
rendezvous
is my reprieve
i imagine you
closer to me now...
parched in my
consciousness
is the lingering
trace of yourbeing
infusing my atmosphere
with your
pristine promises,
our passion in
midmorning,
and i behold my hopeful contentment
to lastly see you
weaving the air
of entangled memories
with your delicate
fingertips
and your inflamed touch,
the blazing light
burning my tears,
wash my soul
with your healing
spiritas it wanders through the
boundless,
like the incandescent
stars
giving life to the night
where even with my eyes closed
i could see
through you
and you could
make me fall,
in the death of my senses
i feel your presence
like anascending fire...
enslaved by
these words,
you move me.

the last time i and you* posted by imani , at 6:33 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

was when we were bathed by the
sunset, and the memory of that
instant thrives in this constant
longing, to fabricate experiences
of you and i, dismantled completely
the last time was when
i, my fragile body, shaken,
delicate, vulnerable, in limbo,
in silence...the deafening silence
of your words without meaning
without fervor,
but i lie here for you, beloved,
waiting for your eyes to search
for mine, and your hands
to touch what you have
not before, eras ago...
where in some lonely place
i found a night, seeing
myself, blinded and
fated to surrender, to release
to be possessed and owned
at the same time
to succumb to one quiet
sunset, and rest for the
last time i and you.

*a photograph taken by carla marie freed

pensively posted by imani , at 6:29 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

pensively
i am thinking
of the
thousand
rainy afternoons
we spent
drenched
divinely
gray clouds
fading
you hold me
closer
i could feel
your heart
and your heavy breathing
i touch your
warm lips
and it is all
i want
you are all
there is
for me
and a thousand
words
for hours
spent
pensively.

limbo posted by imani , at 6:25 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

stirring this time
frozen, unmoving
bound to the infinite
yonder where miracles
linger with reality
and i feel your hands
taking me ~ the silence
unbroken and breaking
all and nothing
passing and regretting
fear drowning the light
sadness taking flight
until i no longer
exist and i have ceased
then my words rise
to the highest and
preaches: 'waiting for
life to break in and
conquer death that
created me.'
consuming, ever-fleeting
craving what's forgotten
failing and believing
wondering of the moments
lost and struggling
under the mercy of
dying before breathing.

firelit posted by imani , at 6:22 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

and so i inhale you
like smoke,
the intoxication rises
from my mouth
to my consciousness
murmurs unsilenced
in my desolation
wanting youever more
the waves breaking,
crashing amidst
sand and stones
i feel my heart
sinking to let you in
again
i light another fire
and wait for you
patiently
i see you coming...
but do i let you?

this made my eyes water... posted by imani , at 6:02 PM, in Labels: freefall

i haven't exactly been able to write on my blog a lot this month. i was working on something for someone for two weeks and i finished writing it a couple of days back.

anyway, early this morning, i checked postsecret.com and i found something that truly is the gem (for today) in my bleak monday morning:

-----Email Message-----

Sent: Sunday, January 18, 2009 1:04 PM

Subject: she said yes!

Frank,

Sorry for not letting you know a little sooner. We have both been calling our family and friends since it happened. It all went down around 10:30 this morning. After getting out of bed, I grabbed the ring from where I had been hiding it for nearly two months. Being my birthday, I just finished opening my presents from my girlfriend. I then got the laptop out to check the weather, and we started to look at the secrets.

I was actually very nervous/excited as we scrolled down the page. As we got to it, my girlfriend asked what the card above ours was a picture of. I was somewhat concerned she had already seen ours, but she hadn't. I then scrolled down to our card. She was looking at the card for a while, and then looked at me. At the time, she was wondering if that was really our cat or not.

I then reached into my pocket, took out the ring box, and got down on one knee. Before I even asked, she kissed me. She was crying, and my eyes also started to tear up. I then took her hand and asked her to marry me. Her answer was yes!!! I then had to go into a discussion of how it all came to be. She was definitely surprised by the date of the proposal as well as my method of proposing. Frank, I would like to thank you again for your agreeing to do this.

It couldn't have been better. The date is set for March 13, 2010 .

to the person who sent these postcards - i am not sure if you will be able to ever read this, but i wish you the best and more than anything - follow your bliss.