day one posted by imani , Thursday, March 8, 2012 at 2:17 AM, in Labels: there is no try

i remembered what yoda said: do or do not, there is no try.

it has been over 24 hours since i lit the last cigarette (note how i am trying to detach the action from who i am: "the last" instead of "my last.").

i went to work today. and i honestly knew it would be a challenge - all because i am accustomed to taking my breaks and going out and leisurely lighting a cigarette, convinced that it keeps me awake.

i did the exact same thing: bought a bottle of juice before work, added a bar of chocolate on top of that, and the same cycle: i would go out every 2 hours, only this time i am waking around and drinking instead of smoking.

it started when i knew i just had to stop. i have attempted to get rid of the habit before but obviously there was a relapse.

i knew there was nothing good about it but i was hooked for at least about 5 years.

i knew that regardless if i would decrease the number of cigarettes i consume everyday - as long as i am still smoking, my body would suffer and is suffering the same damage.

i told my wife about it. i wrote on my datebook. and i asked God to help me.

and i know it would only be possible if i will help myself.

today was about finding a distraction. there is a desert in my mouth. there was this bitter taste at the back of my tongue.

i held on to the juice bottle and i walked.