thirty minus.then i remembered instances when people asked me about how young (or old) i am - to which i would simply say, twenty plus. then there came a time they wouldn't stop with one question. they would ask, plus or minus? until my answer became 'twenty something.'
well a few days ago, it became something totally undeniable. it felt like i could tell my age with temperature - in celsius, of course. i do not want to have to go through a conversion process in order to tell someone the fahrenheit equivalent.
yes indeed. last june 29th, i turned 29. and 30 or more people in my high school class have gone through or will go through the same thing. this year is our year. it is as if i am confronting a...frontier...or a wall. i am not quite sure. a big wall of...nothing. i actually do not feel as old. when i think about it, i try to simplify it - i just made another trip around the sun and it has been one hell of a year. i have seen and felt so many things (much of which i won't divulge because of explicit content hahahaha) and i know every year i am always at the onset or the precipice of what could be the best year of my life yet.
but this year, there was one thing i was able to keep at bay. that would be my annual depression. as i may have written on this blog years ago, i usually would go through this long period of depression - a phase where i would catch myself staring at blank spaces, or just staring at anything, quietly asking myself if i have achieved anything. if i have paid attention to everything i needed to pay attention to. if i have hailed moments that was worthy of thinking of and being grateful for.
my wife actually took the depression thing seriously and succeeded in keeping me preoccupied. there was a lot of skype-ing, writing and reading, but she sent me something really awesome. which i will deal with in another post. this one will solely be about me.
so what has the past year taught me?
it has taught me to be more patient and to expect less. it has taught me the power of prayer and of gratefulness, the redemption we experience from learning to forgive. it has taught me that bottom line is - everything entails hard work. if we want to succeed, we have to work hard to learn the things we would not normally consider learning. and i am talking about people, work, the tangible and the intangible. i have learned that there are things that we need to remove from the equation so we may give space to things that needed to be in the equation.
the last year has taught me of the power of waiting. and the contentment that came with it (which, i admit, took me a while to see). i realized that in order for me to be truly happy, i must take each day like a grain of salt, that i must not allow myself to be stressed out by everything or by anything that a year from today i would not even remember. i realized that happiness can be achieved when we know there is integrity in everything that we do. integrity to fulfill our own dreams, to follow our own will as long as it does not include having to step on someone's toes. integrity to always do what is right by looking deep within and realizing whatever it is that truly matters to us. to the universe we create for ourselves.
every time i age, i always go back to that day i lost my father. and in the last few years that has damaged the way i think of life. but today, more than anything, i knew i had to go through that so i may toughen up, so that i will realize my ability to overcome all struggles. so i may realize the need to be grateful that i am living. i suppose that this is true for everyone - the more we age the clearer the idea of our own morbidity becomes. and i am more enlightened now to believe that yes, i have accomplished some good things in my life. that yes, i am not wasting what i have been blessed with. that yes, i am breathing and you bet i am tasting every single moment of it.
the last year has taught me the gift of appreciation. that no matter how small or how huge an event is, we simply must learn to appreciate them - all because these things help us evolve. that is precisely the reason for all our learning - so we may evolve - into better versions of ourselves.
it has taught me to be more patient and to expect less. it has taught me the power of prayer and of gratefulness, the redemption we experience from learning to forgive. it has taught me that bottom line is - everything entails hard work. if we want to succeed, we have to work hard to learn the things we would not normally consider learning. and i am talking about people, work, the tangible and the intangible. i have learned that there are things that we need to remove from the equation so we may give space to things that needed to be in the equation.
the last year has taught me of the power of waiting. and the contentment that came with it (which, i admit, took me a while to see). i realized that in order for me to be truly happy, i must take each day like a grain of salt, that i must not allow myself to be stressed out by everything or by anything that a year from today i would not even remember. i realized that happiness can be achieved when we know there is integrity in everything that we do. integrity to fulfill our own dreams, to follow our own will as long as it does not include having to step on someone's toes. integrity to always do what is right by looking deep within and realizing whatever it is that truly matters to us. to the universe we create for ourselves.
every time i age, i always go back to that day i lost my father. and in the last few years that has damaged the way i think of life. but today, more than anything, i knew i had to go through that so i may toughen up, so that i will realize my ability to overcome all struggles. so i may realize the need to be grateful that i am living. i suppose that this is true for everyone - the more we age the clearer the idea of our own morbidity becomes. and i am more enlightened now to believe that yes, i have accomplished some good things in my life. that yes, i am not wasting what i have been blessed with. that yes, i am breathing and you bet i am tasting every single moment of it.
the last year has taught me the gift of appreciation. that no matter how small or how huge an event is, we simply must learn to appreciate them - all because these things help us evolve. that is precisely the reason for all our learning - so we may evolve - into better versions of ourselves.
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