eros the bittersweet

pride

Yesterday’s misty afternoon prodded me to finish reading Danton Remoto’s book aptly called ‘Gaydar’ – a collection of his essays that were published in the late 1990’s. Danton Remoto is a renowned columnist, poet and activist – educated both here and abroad.



What initially drew me to the book was a name that’s familiar to all of who us who came from La Consolacion College Manila. He made mention of the name Dr. Jimmy T. Rico – who happened to be our professor (Mumai and myself) in World and Philippine Literature and in Business Research.

Reading his book was a wonderful experience – it was a freakin’ eye opener. I have followed the Showtime series, The L Word, for six years and with the things they have showcased, I know that they are fighting for a good cause – to make sure that the GLBTs are decently represented in the media. And Danton has successfully done that.

So going back – yesterday, I had coffee by myself at Gloria Jeans in Glorietta, while listening to the radio playing Paula Cole’s ‘Feelin’ love’ and getting smothered by second hand smoke. I endured the whole thing because I just cannot put Danton’s book down.

He spoke about the plight of our GLBT brothers and sisters in the Philippines – how the various groups all over the country are fighting to have laws established that would promote equality amongst all citizens – gay or straight. The book has undertones of happiness and color, it also has an air of sadness in it. As I have said, reading it was an eye-opener – it’s a fact that every so often a story or two about gays and lesbians will be shown on TV but they talk mostly about the ‘indecency’ of those who belong in this group. Somehow, our local media has done a skillful job of omitting the more important issues concerning people like them – people like me.

A lot of times we’ve seen disrespectful cameras prying at what happens inside dark, sullen theatres found in Cubao and in Manila, there have also been cases when we’d see a tabloid bearing the words: ‘Lesbian kills girlfriend in motel,’ and the media feasts on this, whether we want to admit it or not. Why this happening? Why does this happen? First off, unfortunately, crowds upon crowds of Filipinos have driven gays and lesbians alike to places where the sun doesn’t shine. Secondly, many of those who are in the media use their ‘power’ to dehumanize others. When a congressman rapes a minor, we never see headlines that say: ‘Straight congressman rapes 15-year old.’

What is it with brands and labels? I know I have said this on one of my posts that brands and labels are for clothes and for filing – certainly not for humans. Funny how people of ‘position and power’ condescend just because they feel they have the license to…not realizing that gays/lesbians/bisexuals/transgenders also are citizens of this country – and honest taxpayers at that. I read that a particular congressman (I forgot his name – I suppose he isn’t really that ‘memorable’), years back, was even lobbying to suppress laws that might be enacted that would allow GLBTs to have equal rights – with the last phrase (equal rights) I meant the same rights that other heterosexual men and women are entitled to – which includes, but not limited to: marriage and adoption, for example.

This particular politician mentioned that it is his intention to preserve the basic element of the society – which is the family. And I think this argument is pathetic. Hmmm…preserving the Filipino family. How the hell can he do that when he’s shaming gays and lesbians, whom, I might add, also have families of their own? Why the hell can’t people just let other people be? If there are gay crabs and gay papayas, why can’t there be gay people? And the hell – to not allow and question gay couples (or single gay people, for that matter) in the subject of adoption – why, why, why? Because the child will not have a ‘mother’ and/or ‘father’ figure growing up? Does this congressman have a hard, scientific proof that heterosexuals are intrinsically better parents?

These were just two of the many issues that Danton tackled in his book. But despite the heartrending atmosphere of some of the serious topics discussed – one thing is clear – that unlike Dylan Thomas’ immortal line, ‘Rage, rage against the dying of the light,’ the fight of our GLBT brothers and sisters (within and without the country) for equality and against discrimination is unwavering and is not dying any minute soon. We are raging, we are pushing and moving forward, embracing who we are – men and women of different colors, shades, tints, hues, tones – all gay and proud!

top ten 'out of office' replies

this was e-mailed by one of my sibs at work, evan...:)
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from my holidays. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

a rose is a rose is a rose...

bibliophiles and bookhounds, your attention please!
on saturday, april 25th, instituto cervantes (manila) will hold the international book day where you can get your hands on a broad selection of books - of all genres - at the dia del libro book fair!
everything's gonna be crazy as brand new books go for as low as php 20.00. anvil publishing, powerbooks and a different bookstore will also be there - offering books at a humongous 20% discount.
it may also be your chance to meet and greet your favorite authors - famous writers will be there to sign copies of their latest work.
the celebration will begin at 10 am and will last until 12 mn. you get a rose for each book you purchase. this tradition was inspired by st. george's day in barcelona, spain, where men and women exchange a rose for the gift of a book.
see you :)

location:
Instituto Cervantes
855 T.M. Kalaw St.
Ermita Metro Manila
(FILIPINAS)

are you dusk or dawn?

YOU ARE DUSK

You are a naturally idealistic and creative person.
You look forward to nights where everything is possible.
You spend most of your energy on play.
Work is okay, but the true you emerges after the work day is done.
You're an offbeat type that doesn't like rules or schedules.
Life's too short to waste at a desk in a cube.
Whether you spend your night socializing or working on side projects, you like that your time is yours.

my goth name is...

WHISPER CLOVE


"But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter."


my note: my name does not make me cringe, therefore, i am not satisfied with my given goth name. wahahah

my rapper name is...

UNDERGROUND THUG

bust it!

my noble british name is...

LADY AUGUSTA MARCIA IRONSIDE


"I must confess that I am interested in leisure in the same way that a poor man is interested in money."

what is sexy about your name?

you are submissive sexy

You are sexy because you are sensitive. (wow, thanks!)
You feel deeply. (i do.)
You're the type of person who loves being seduced and pursued. (no comment.)
You're too passive to ever take the lead, but you don't mind waiting for someone to notice you. (passive, yes.)
And once someone is chasing you, you love every moment until you are caught. (ahahah.)
Everything inside your head gets a little intense at times. (everything about me is intense!!! waahahah.)
You can get a bit overwhelmed in the bedroom. (no i think i overwhelm the one i am with in the bedroom!)
Your senses are very sharp. (yes, my senses are sharp and can cut through anything wahahah.)
You are easily stimulated and turned on. (by what!?!?)

the wacky fortune cookie generator said...

your fortune is: cow with no legs, ground beef


follow these wise words carefully.

my soap opera name is...

BROOKE MIA HART

this is getting interesting...

songs to the key of p

i spent my weekend watching the 10th cycle of 'america's next top model.' it has been a long time since i was able to watch the show. i do have the cycle 4 DVD (fake DVD ehehe) at home, which was something i used to see on a daily basis.

so going back to the 10th cycle - twiggy's gone, and they had her replaced by the effervescent, ever so gorgeous paulina porizkova. it was naima mora (antm winner from cycle 4) who made me want to sport a mohawk. and right now i am fixated on paulina - who makes me want to grow my hair back and don a tiara.
paulina was the ultimate 80's supermodel. she was the muse of estee lauder during this era and was then one of the highest paid models (she earned $6 million dollars). she's of czechoslovakian descent, and is still rockin at (now) the age of 44!!! wooohooo!



one of paulina's earlier photos.

my average american name is...

DOROTHY LYNN ROBERTS.

yawn. so freakin' average.

my supervillain name is...

BLACK WARRIOR

muhahahaha!

hidden

no - this post is not about finding the hidden mickey...wahahaha.
thank you to my best friend mumai for this.

'WHAT'S YOUR NAME'S HIDDEN MEANING?'

YOU ARE SPONTANEOUS AND WHIMSICAL

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. (Passionate, yes. Tempted, no)

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. (Almost...)
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. (My friends can attest to this)
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. (Flaky!?!?)

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. (Check)
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. (Wow...intense?!?!)
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. (I don't know about this.)

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. (If you say so...)
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. (Hmmm...)
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. (Crush the weak?! This isn't a line from the Old Testament, is it?!)

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. (I try to do my best, but I understand that others aren't perfect, neither am I)
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. (Confident and aggressive yes...I am not sure about being authoritative)
You have the classic "Type A" personality. (A personality disorder!?! wahah)

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. (This may be true, but let me just clarify that I am not 60 years old to have a LOT of wisdom)
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. (Yes, and my active imagination often gets me into trouble)
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. (I am prone to a lot of things!)

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. (I am open as I am not close...)
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. (Sometimes they don't. No matter what I do)
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. (This is untrue)
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy.
Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience. (Again, I am not 60 to feel qualified to affirm this)
You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy.
You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. (Check)
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you. (Check)
You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.
Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe. (I don't know anything about people being addicted to me)

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. (Nope)
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. (I don't know about being well-rounded. I just know that I am round wahaha)
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

spellbound | poem twenty six

i must wait in
God’s city,
at the edge
of my infinite
hunger for
rain and
prayer
that the fire
and answer
will bring me
to the foot
of your altar


to wait longer
and love deeper.

spellbound | poem twenty five

in reckless impatience
i pray to hasten
the day to when
all my words
will fall from
the sky to
embrace and
captivate
that heart of yours
never to be
chained
only to be given
its sweet
freedom.

spellbound | poem twenty four

searching for a
word, or a feeling,
or a thought
to bare
all that i have
for you


and i knew
that would be
one grand
parade.

spellbound | poem twenty three

against your shore
my waves dither and
collide delicately
like how we are
when our gaze would meet
in the midst
of flames, blaze,
fire
now silently through
the avenues of
seconds stolen from
your sight
i desire to be the
image you carry
even with your
eyes closed.

spellbound | poem twenty two

in the end
i find the beginning
in the beginning
i find the last
in the last
i find the first
in the first
i find you
in you
i find me
in me
i find love
and in love
i find us.

spellbound | poem twenty one

the skin of my soul
seething, throbbing,
awakening
the sound of nothing
resonating the loudest
from this distance
between you and me
between fire and water
between dream and reality
losing familiarity and
losing myself to you
in the depths, the space,
the restless ocean
urging to rest in you.

change

i have not blogged for god knows how long.

the femme fetales - let's meet soon. i miss you guys so much.

be safe, and i love you, as ever.
 

anais nin

and the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

t.s. eliot

i should have been a pair of ragged claws.

frida kahlo

i hope the exit is joyful and i hope never to return.