burning red posted by imani , Wednesday, December 15, 2010 at 9:05 AM, in Labels: freefall

i shall begin this one differently.

you are impatient, you can be very stubborn. you are sometimes condescending, you sabotage perfect moments, 'it's fine' rarely means totally all right for you, you are confident but gets rattled when we begin arguing, you know your skills and capabilities but you keep your quiet when i ramble about literature, you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies and crazy notions

but...

i never have quite seen anyone love my family the way you do, you are one of the most thoughtful, kindest souls i have ever met, you have made me feel so valued, so significant, and you did that when i started questioning my worth, i have never seen a light as bright as yours, or a color as intense, you taught me to love myself by loving me just a bit more every single day, you have made love to and caressed my soul without touching me ~ by simply assuring me that i make you want to dream, you have given me the freedom to embrace the things (flaws and imperfections) that make me human.

i may not have been the first, or the one who has been there the longest, but i know you know i am the one who has offered as much depth as she could ~ when it comes to loving you. i cannot be anybody else but myself ~ my flailing, succumbing, thriving self ~ who cherish that which creates you, ready to hold you still when you are shaken, share a laughter with you after a long and arduous battle, willing to fight for you if it means keeping both of us breathing, this soul never will measure the distance between now and the years ahead of us, instead, it will plant seeds of good memories along the path it shares with you.

embrace posted by imani , at 8:50 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

no exaggerations, no insinuations,
just the pure, unchanged
shadow each breath you take
creates, casting silhouette

on a shameless gaze
where upon touching the
breadth of your soul and
your skin permits this

delirious heart to think
it is the cause, or at least
the answer, then we both

shall lose the mystique
and forge the unforgiving,
metallic stigma of separation.

later posted by imani , at 8:45 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the flowers disintegrating, falling
the truth unroots itself
from the earth arid and parched
the sky stretches out to

a pandemonium, black, listless
clouds drown the roads that
draw from my arms the warmth
of blood and flesh

an ancient despair takes its
refuge in the prism of a
delight i cannot claim

hence i devour solitude and
nourish my faith with the
hope i can be.

intimate posted by imani , at 8:41 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

your eyes stare into the night’s
long, arduous languor
gently seeking the fragrance
of an embrace once halted

by absence, still in the
haunted twilight i wander and
thirst for a familiar name ~
a sound, an echo, a voice

a delicate and elusive flower
that buds and forgets the
tree it fell from

chasing the bright trace
of skin that define an architecture ~
the wonder of an unaltered you.

depend posted by imani , at 8:40 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

infinities found in nothingness
spaces built upon spaces
the halt in your breath
disintegrates and necessitates

a sense of loss, desperation
and desolation fall on
angles and degrees of
blackness, these hands

grow blind without a certain
light, descending, ending,
hesitating, the nights are

now void of color, or was
it your shadow i heard,
your footfall that diminish as you move closer.

linger posted by imani , at 8:31 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

you are a naiad, a creature that
thrives only in my imagination,
the bearer of light and darkness,
the shadow of twilight and alabaster

a shape cast by the mid-day sun,
the fierce heat that leave petals
disheveled, the thought that
mangles the still innocence of water

call upon me, my goddess, so i may
praise and exalt your form, so i
may hymn the language of your

soul, and drown in the silence
of your eyes, resurrect the
stares that deceive shared synapses.

loneliness posted by imani , Sunday, November 14, 2010 at 5:24 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

from your fullness sprung a
naive, gentle woman
whose eyes are shut from
your evil, whose lips cannot

speak of your insanity,
whose thoughts are ravaged,
deserted, spoiled
whose soul seeks neither

compassion nor compromise
her fantasies elude her,
judging from one, sharp

breath she takes in so you
may have fire and splendor to
spare on atoms built upon beliefs.

glance posted by imani , at 5:22 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

perfect or imperfect, still or
restless, there are truths
that do not perish, as there
are nights that do not end

i have come to live on
one furtive, fleeting glance
with solitude begging for
another beginning, a chance,

an onset, a possibility
of finding all that remains
after years and years of ruin

and wretchedness, when all
things lie in the mercy of your hands
barren, empty, cold.

passion posted by imani , at 5:19 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the sadness wraps this body
bare of memories, its veins and
bones exist without a sound
the rain has just fallen,

trespassed the sanctity of this
permutated soul, the light
elevates and escalates until
everything is shapeless

until everything is kindled
by one taunted, delirious
fight that rescues the

dawn from ever being consumed,
racing to the naked, unarmored
embrace i call you.

swan posted by imani , Sunday, October 31, 2010 at 8:56 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

your light unravels,
unbridled and unchanged
haunt the darkness in the distance,
drowned by the staccato of

the falling rain, fallen, arrested,
broken, you shed your intimate
stars only to find them
sheltered by these hands

that long, yearn, live and
breathe for the motion of
syllables that fumble and falter

from your lips, they are universes
that plummet in sudden blackholes
perishing in your sad reflection.

akap posted by imani , at 8:39 AM, in Labels: freefall

bagamat hapo ang katawan bunga ng ilang oras na paglalakbay, ang diwa ko ay sadyang ayaw mapagod. iniisip ka, sa saglit na ito ~ nagpapasalamat, nagdarasal, tumatangis. umaasang darating ang panahon na mamumulat ka at mahihimbing sa tabi ko. nangangarap na lumagi sa piling mo, na huwag kailanman malayo sa iyo, mahal ko.

sa pagkakataong ito, dinaig ko ang sarili kong kakayanan para umibig at magparaya. hindi lubos maisip na ilang buwan lamang ang nakararaan ay sapat na sa aking makita ka at makausap ka ng ilang sandali. ang mga bagay na iyon ay sapat pa rin, ngunit ang pinakamalaking surpresa sa lahat ay ang bigyan mo ako ng panahon, ang pag-ukulan mo ako ng pagmamahal, ang handugan mo ako ng mga pangarap.

kaya naman hindi ako kailan pa man titigil sa pasasalamat ~ sa Maykapal at sa iyo, ang pinakamamahal ko. dahil ikaw ang bunga, ang rason, ang lunas, ang sanhi ng ligayang walang hanggan.

passion posted by imani , at 8:37 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

petals wilt and wither
thirsting for rain, the kind
that your eyes delicately
gives away, a requiem

of souls lost in the cadence
of a heartbeat, of a lightning
bold, the leaves of grass
i have bound in your name

the things that remained sacred,
beyond death, beyond doubt,
beyond the listlessness of this heart

clouds that gather fury
for not having you drench
my skies with an impossibility.

burn posted by imani , at 8:36 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the sharp edges of my thoughts
exist in a corner, drenched
by your struggle to find
a latitude, the hours that

recede only to be caught in
a tangle of misery, summoning
the delirium, the sound
of your name emits

loneliness permeates through
walls and illusions sink
on my skin violated

by a throbbing, irreversible
havoc your perverse affection have
caused this soul void of answers.

fragile posted by imani , Sunday, October 24, 2010 at 6:53 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the fragile threads that wrap
your nakedness weave the light
to your agile and delicate body,
tying the ends to timelessness

your eyes the color of amber,
careful yet intent, words spoken
softly send you to slumber
where you rest in my arms

quietly, gracefully, and all
i can remember are nights
imbued with dreams and wishes

holding us both in stillness
as i wait for the moon to drown
the strands that caress you.

touch posted by imani , at 6:53 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the lavender scent of your voice
that seeks without seeing, finding
its way through the darkness,
a sudden, inexplicable rush

of blood through my veins,
i rouse like a rhythm lost in
twilight, defied and defeated
by hands that travel this

familiar territory, our moans
that leave this room dense
and solemn, catching a fire

that ascends, transcends and provokes
the yearning that carve and bruise
a battle i have surrendered to you.

shore posted by imani , at 6:41 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the timid, tingling feeling
that glides down my spine,
like intricate, minute
particles, almost invisible

fabricate nights and dawns
bound by ardor, clamoring
for moments that carry your
sigh to my mouth, my soul

to yours, the rain shroud
what would be my naked desire
like water, slowly soaking

the arid space that
is my body, recalling nothing
save the beat of your furtive heart.

in the darkness posted by imani , Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 8:58 AM, in Labels: freefall

even as i write this in the darkness i know exactly what to talk about. i remember vividly how the trace of your smile lingers even when i am not able to see it ~ when you steal seconds looking at me seeking the other way, when your hands discern the feel of my skin when we make love, when your body is close to mine as we head to bed.

even in the darkness my heart knows the tangents and spaces of your eyes and your lips, and have memorized your stares like i was born with it, basking in it. my soul has been blessed with the delight of your kisses ~ like the ones you give me when i am soundly asleep.

i tell myself sometimes, that i cannot wait for a lifetime with you, but time and time again have found my resolve to simply be content with each day i am with you, with each day you give me, because after all ~ that is still a sweet, perennial thought to allow me to start every day with ceaseless desire to crave and yearn for you, to be loved and needed by you. i love you, as ever.

shadow posted by imani , at 8:50 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

that lurk and fall behind the

veil of faults and disbelief

crave the blushing, spinning

desire, a light brighter than

the sun that revolves without

caution or hesitation,

darkness travels faster than

soundlessness, the pandemonium

heavier with each breath you

take, the tears that bathe

these words meant only

for a ceaseless, relentless

soul that suffer in silence

haunted by your eyes.

dawn posted by imani , at 8:50 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the night is always darkest just

before dawn, so let me cast all

the piercing stares and pointless

arguments from whence

the gaping void between

what is left of us emerged,

a line that breaks, a sigh halted,

a pure abstract that resemble

my heart, let me go back

to endless beginnings and

deaths that resurrect

all the good i know, unaltered,

unchanged, unmasked, your stares

that make the flowers unravel.

destiny posted by imani , at 8:49 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

denied of life, of a sigh, of

a breath, of a sign to go on

and with shut eyes follow

the roads that break

only to show me what of

pain i do not know,

a heart that remains naive

of the secrets you keep

of the lies buried deep,

of stones i turn to reveal

what a sad, pathetic mess

we have made, after all

these hands are meant to

fulfill a destiny of failure.

hurt posted by imani , at 8:48 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

a descendant of pain that gnaws

on my soul, a deathless raven

drawn to the cruel sight of

your grin, these hands ache

for the burning, lashing breath

you took when you forced yourself

to forget the thirst murmured

by this poet lost in desperation

violated by the nagging voices

that echo, the conundrum that

breaks the dreary, heavy silence

carrying your footfall and

the tangents of your shadow,

i pray i could forgive.

you and me posted by imani , at 8:46 AM, in Labels: freefall

allow me to do this. before i head to slumber, before i close my eyes as the light of day fades, before i surrender the last, painful vision i had of you ~ when you were walking away from where i was standing ~ and give it up for the sake of the peace and silence of my thoughts.

and even when that was one of the most agonizing moments i have ever been in ~ i would take it, put myself through it, if it means discerning how much love i have for you. and most importantly, if it means taking that train ride, that journey with you every single day.

i have always believed that everything we encounter is a metaphor to a life we could or we might lead. that sooner or later, fate would unveil what role these encounters or experiences play in the grand scheme of things.

the road toward you was long and the pavement was covered with broken glass and thorns. but let me tell you that there has never been a day i looked back to the last three months of my life with regret or sadness. i am glad i chose to walk on the path that led me to you because i disproved my own feelings of being inadequate or being temporary. it taught me one thing: the reality of how much more i can offer. and i can and I am willing to give so much more than what both my hands can contain at a single moment ~ and if there will ever be a time i would lose sight of myself, i want to find you there, aching to hold me close to tell me that you would want to help me rediscover the things i am passionate about, that you would want to be there to witness how i’d renew my faith in us, in you, in all that we have been through, in the things that remain intangible but keep in flourishing because we both have poured so much of who we are to what we have.

as i have said once, i know that this is not about doing what would please others, it is about going after what we want because we understand that we begin to die the very second we start denying ourselves the chance to be happy. you said that the most important thing is you and me. and somehow that gives me comfort. knowing that i am wanted and needed by the same person i want to give all my life to. i couldn’t have been luckier, i couldn’t have been more fortunate. there was never a day i did not stop for a moment to thank Him for entrusting you to me. i did pray for this, i did pray for you ~ that if you needed something to believe in, i hope He would allow me to show you that some things do last, if we do not doubt the cause, the reason why you and i are here now.

and the reason is because we were searching for meaning and found each other. thank you for each day you give me. i love you as ever.

para sa iyo posted by imani , Friday, October 8, 2010 at 6:25 AM, in Labels: freefall

kung sakaling muling malilingat ang iyong diwa,
kung sakaling muling magigising mula sa pagkahimbing,

alalahanin, isipin, damhin
ang katotohanan
na hindi kailanman muling

magluluksa,
mag-iisa,
mawawalan ng kapiling

sapagkat narito ang kamay ko
nag-aabang na hawakan mo

at narito ako
para magpatotoo na
walang hanggan ang sampalataya
sa pagmamahal mo.

time posted by imani , at 5:41 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

turns, oscillates and fumbles
to familiar, painful monologues
~ all of which now exists
only in my memory

your scent trapped in the
cadence of our scarring arguments,
of words breathed and whispered
in my slumber

waking, emerging, devouring
my thoughts when i am still
longing for the hurt

if it would mean finding you
in the darkness, if it would mean
finding us after so much has been lost.

anger posted by imani , at 5:39 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the fire that seethes, the
blood that surges and bathes
my soul filled with doubts and
disappointments

left with darkness, existing
in nothingness, or just the
shards and pieces left
of us, of you and me

our dissonance rapes the
silence in my head and
all the fragments rise

to dissemble and disintegrate
to fade into oblivion and
drown the unknown.

sea posted by imani , at 5:37 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

circles, waves, ripples
that touch and embrace
my open and wide shore
await the net you cast

to claim me, once again,
as before, over and over,
to discern my particles
and my permanence

to help me remember the
blues and greens, the light
glistening on the surface,

that finds its way to my
chasm and fills the void,
defies the abyss.

berso sa metro ii posted by imani , at 5:21 AM, in Labels: something else

tulad noong disiplinadong nalunod
na binilang ang mga along sasapat para

siya’y mamatay, at nagbilang, at

nagbilang muli para maiwasang magkamali

hanggang sa huling alon;

maging ang alon na singtaas ng isang

bata’t umabot sa kanyang noo,

ganyan ako nabuhay, medyo pabaya

gaya ng kabayong karton sa loob ng banyo,

alam ko na ni minsa’y di ako nagkamali,
maliban sa mga bagay na pinakamamahal ko.

autobiografia ~ luis rosales

ikaw posted by imani , at 5:17 AM, in Labels: freefall

ikaw ang pinapangarap,

ang ipinagdasal,

ang itinugon.


hinding hindi bibitaw.

berso sa metro posted by imani , Wednesday, October 6, 2010 at 2:11 PM, in Labels: something else

i have seen this a long time back. i have walked past signs and missed to read the words. i have told myself countless of times i would one day stop to read it. there may have been instances i glanced at it ~ but never really took the time to discern what it is, or what it could mean. in my universe at least.

until one day, on my way to our rendezvous, i took a good look at it and was dumbfounded on how these lines embodied exactly what i feel about you:

lahat tayo ay dadaan at lahat ay maiiwan,

pero tayo ay dadaan,

dadaang gumagawa ng daanan,

daanan sa ibabaw ng karagatan.

~antonio machado

on a night like this posted by imani , at 2:09 PM, in Labels: freefall

tonight, like all nights, i would summon you to put all you know of love, trust and faith upon both my hands. i am imperfect, i am flawed, i am fallible. but one thing is for certain ~ that these impoverished hands would attempt anything and everything to assure you of what it feels and what it holds for you.

do not fear. do not doubt. stop your idle thoughts. let your guard down. shed all the notions that scare you about keeping this and keeping me. let me tell you that they are inconsequential. all because i choose to be here. all because i choose and need to be with you.

to love you is to count the stars that arise and even those that burst into supernovas. to love you is to touch the clouds that race in an afternoon wrapped by the warmth of the sun. to love you is to believe in things that i do not see ~ like timelessness and infiniteness. to love you is to risk the things i long have tried to preserve about myself and understand that i cannot lose.

such love and capacity for love is what i would offer you, on a night like this. it knows no bounds and it aches to embrace all that makes you ~ who you were, what you have become and all that you will ever be.

let me kiss you and hold you close. let me take your hand and tell you that you will never be without me. because this is the last time i am loving like this. and you are the person, who, at last, made me feel that i have been found.

maps posted by imani , Thursday, September 30, 2010 at 2:07 PM, in Labels: freefall

i will map all thoughts about you on this paper. prose and poetry. but all would pertain to you, your grace, your beauty, the surprise and joy of being with you.

i could not stop. the night is slowly embracing the afternoon, the last notion in my head was when i leaned to kiss you goodbye. and that left me with one feeling ~ contentment.

in you, in us, in what we have.

in the endlessness and infiniteness of what we share.

i will map the curves and coordinates of your body on this piece of paper, as it is the closest thing i have that could possibly contain the sacredness of your being. as it is the closest thing i have to making sure i hail and exalt today and its sanctity. as it is the closest thing i have to being alone with my thoughts of you.

my eyes are brimming with tears, out of utter happiness. because i know i have found my hope. because i know i have found my desire. because i know i have stumbled upon my cistern of love and of meaning.

my heart aches for you.

certainty posted by imani , Monday, September 27, 2010 at 1:39 AM, in Labels: freefall

in the quiet and stillness of this room cloaked with the scent of your skin, i am enslaved to the truth of loving you and the feeling of being loved by you.

and as we both have succumbed to slumber and awakened beside each other today, i realized i could not possibly want anything more than this, that i won't long for any other soul, heart or bones, save you.

my heart screams with anguish, as i know i will be heading to work in a few hours. that it would be, i suppose, the first time in a week that i won't live and breathe next to you. and i am afraid to admit that you are my heroine ~ habit-forming, indulging, addictive.

i know you and i are enveloped by the same sadness, so i promise to keep myself safe so i may be allowed another day to see you again. to embrace you. to kiss you. to whisper to you.

and tell you at last ~ you saved me. you saved me from myself ~ from the grief, misery, helplessness. from the ruins of my blood. from my afflicted thoughts. most of all ~ from an untimely death.

so thank you. from my heart to yours. from now until we conquer the infinite. from here to the end of our journey.

looking at your face today, as we watched the dawn spill light through the windows and over your bed, i am certain i desire only two things right this moment: you and a lifetime.

waiting posted by imani , Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 12:18 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

for the imperfect, impeccable
moment when nothing needs
to be compromised, compared,
measured, defined, just a

sense of goodness that spills
and takes the space you have
left for yourself, an untouched,
untarnished fragment that

is holy beyond understanding,
a leaf you turn, a vow you utter,
a soul that escapes to be

liberated, you are bound
to faith, not to losing, you are and
have become your greatest self.

drowning posted by imani , Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 5:23 PM, in Labels: freefall

to you...

whose gaze
affirm
the beginning
of greater things.

hush posted by imani , at 2:10 AM, in Labels: freefall

i am the rest between two notes which are somehow always in discord. ~ rainer maria rilke

i have been in isolation.

i have maintained this silence that almost maimed, almost crippled, almost killed me ~ all because my soul needed that room to process everything on its own and accept the things that has occurred. i at last have made peace with what fate has given me. and just when i thought it would all come to an end, i realized that there still are things that need to be done, feelings that need recognition. and the truth remains that ~ there are some things that need not be measured. that sometimes we must empty ourselves to make space for endings and beginnings, to see our endlessness and cease from gauging and quantifying. that patience is vital and necessary so we can begin to comprehend the greater things in this universe that surmount our logic. we are, after all, human. i have, after so much pain and disbelief, come to accept my fallibility. the shortcoming not of my spirit or what i can push myself to understand, but the frailty of my own reason and judgment.

it is an odd bookend, actually. i sought solitude and stillness and found my voice ~ it echoes in the hollows of my heart and it tells me that i am in a good place in my life. that i no longer should torment myself with questions, or beg for answers. or better yet ~ that not all questions deserve an answer. fate is teaching me to simply deal with the cards i have been handed.

now i am emerging. and have placed this thought in a better light: that the choices we make can either alter a moment or a lifetime. we are blind to the minute things we command, all because we think they are not elemental to the rest of our journey. matter of fact is that each decision we make is as significant as each breath we take. when we do not see the ripples of our actions, we fall victim to destiny’s injustice and blame the cosmos. reality is ~ a step, a word, a tick in the clock, a revolution ~ are all the same. they need not be calculated, because we all play our part in the grander scheme of things.

in spite of myself, this imperfect being is resolute in its desire to live this life with you ~ this instance, this very second ~ and all that which is left of it. this is for you ~ my sudden and unexpected delight, a sweet surprise, a gift i did not believe i am worthy of receiving.

the fire crackles and glows in the distance, embracing what we both have kept and held for one another. and with your footfall drawing closer and closer to me, i have finally understood why i had to have a part of me broken and mended in my own time.

because having you now tells me what faith truly is about ~ opening one’s soul to a detail so beautiful it shakes the very notion you have of color, happiness, effervescence, and quintessence. it shakes but never annihilates. it simply reminds you that there are things to hope for and look forward to.

rain posted by imani , at 2:04 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

shadows obscure the love i once held
and the mist cover the ruins
of this parched heart, lonesome
and forlorn, being without

death, without breath, without
fragments, without elements
void of substance, this body
filled with space and nothingness

words fluctuate, the incessant
rise and fall crowd my now
impoverished hands, the

feel that once sought
your touch ~ a soul chained to
the rain of your kisses and desire.

light posted by imani , at 1:59 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

carefully descend and
drown the words trapped
inside your mouth,
craving for and carving

the next second with fire
burning your shadow
the impossible becomes fathomable
and your windswept hair

caress the air, with your
fingers gently searching
the twists and turns of this soul

your silence force the stones
open, carrying the sweetness
that dwell in one momentary hum.

smile posted by imani , at 1:57 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

your particles elemental,
rooted to simplicity, sharpened
by your timid beauty,
sheer, unassuming, unbecoming

but let me tell you what you can't
see ~ that your smile make
flowers unravel and the
cistern overflows with the

fluid, unaltered motion of
beginnings and ends which fasten
our memories to the night

kept, held, embraced until
the darkness wanes and you
leave a sigh of my name.

kiss posted by imani , Friday, September 24, 2010 at 3:33 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

little by little the hours
painfully and slowly turn
the afternoon basked in
mist recedes to an

evening sheathed with stars
the air filled with glances
and gazes stealing your
fleeting and momentary pain

that erupt from my absence
but do not fear love, my soul
awaits a fragment, a moment

i shall hold your face with my
bare hands, feel the fire
that thrives and burns under a kiss.

dutdutan 2010 posted by imani , at 3:05 AM, in Labels: freefall

it is that time of the year again...when the best tattoo artists, the plain and simple masochists, sudden enthusiasts and the undeniably curious about tattooing convene to revere and celebrate the art of pain - and this comes in black and white, gray, designs of every color and shade imaginable - some even come alive under ultra violet rays.

september 24th and 25th are the dates for the 10th Dutdutan Festival so mark your calendars and head to the world trade center in pasay city if you would ever find yourself itching for the slightly uncomfortable and unexpected solace of having your skin inked.

and when you have gone there, get back to me. i am just writing about it but would (deliberately) miss it.

and it is for a darn good reason.

aurora posted by imani , Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 12:36 PM, in Labels: freefall

to you...

whose name
sounds like
the full moon
brimming with light.

i offer you my thoughts and my delight posted by imani , Monday, September 20, 2010 at 6:44 PM, in

i ache for the pleasure
of your smile
and the permanence
of your gaze.

you are my muse,
my logic,
my essence ~
staggering and perennial.

head to slumber, love posted by imani , at 11:05 AM, in Labels: freefall

after days of being with you and around you, the toughest detail i have to deal with now is not your absence...

rather...it is my immutable and incessant yearning to hold your face, keep you close and bask in your warmth.

i know you can't sleep posted by imani , at 10:50 AM, in Labels: freefall

to you...

whose heart my soul has
taken refuge in
when unforgiving nights
keep you and i apart

my faith remains
i will see your light
when the dawn breaks.

nag-iisa sa diwa posted by imani , at 10:48 AM, in Labels: freefall

at ibibigay, ibabalik, iaalay
ang lahat ng nalalaman
at kakayanan
para ibigin ka
ngayon at magpakailan pa man.

kiss posted by imani , Friday, September 17, 2010 at 4:38 AM, in Labels: freefall

what is it?

it is the sweetest distraction i know of right now.

it is the reason i have goosebumps all over.

it is the sign we both want something more.

it is the cause i will stop.

for a moment.

and turn to kiss you.

love posted by imani , Wednesday, September 15, 2010 at 3:42 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

your leaving gave this body
its armor and its poison
glancing on every window
that might resurrect your

reflection, the night dies
of envy, as i remember the
shape and the lines
that define your face, the

flaws and atoms of
your blood that desire me
tell me how to escape the

definite plunge, of wanting
all that makes you touch,
bear and afflict me once again.

waiting posted by imani , Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 1:48 AM, in Labels: freefall

that was what i intended to do.

what i have been doing.

what i have blessedly so endured.

it was the waiting that brought me to this very moment...and the waiting that taught me of my own capacity for greater things.

like adoring you without uttering a word. or loving you just because i know i cannot avoid it nor deny it.

i have kept my silence because i wanted to see how much of this my soul can embrace. how much of you, of what i discern in you, of what i want to hold in you, of what i ache to desire in you my skin and bones can continue yearning for without bending or breaking.

and after everything, surprisingly, i found you. still. falling. waiting.

i have descended from the highest of indulgence. i am emerging from what seemed to be eons of wordlessness.

again, i am attempting. because i understand how important it is to seize every breathing second i spend lusting for the same air that sustain you. because i know i have found the cause and the logic to the 'whys' i crave to unravel...

now holding your hand. now looking at your eyes. now seeing the depth and breadth of my own being.

this is for you...whose own beating heart keeps mine alive.

things remain unchanged posted by imani , Sunday, June 6, 2010 at 12:14 PM, in Labels: freefall

if i would be asked to define light, love and life in one word, i would say


YOU.

obsession posted by imani , Sunday, May 23, 2010 at 1:46 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

occupied by the frantic, listless movement
of starry, delicate, changeless moments
from whence this obsession emerges ~
a fragile stone lies still in your shore

awaiting the drunken, infatuated embrace
of your flesh, woman that defy ends
and endlessness, a savior, a discoverer
of things hidden, a traveler who

has journeyed through my sorrows and
into my hallowed hysteria
my faith suspended mid-air, with my

muscles twisting for a departure, a liberation
seeking the sacred ground of perfumed tears,
hours revolving upon the axis of your illusions.

shots of fun posted by imani , Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 7:22 PM, in Labels: freefall

what my bonding time with my partner-in-crime resulted to.
let's hang out soon, love!

narcissistic posted by imani , at 2:21 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

i offer you this, a flower that blossoms,
hiding in your own reflection, a ray that is
deceived by its own brightness, captivated
by its misery and solitude,

i lift my branches and extend my roots,
aching for the ravaging, arresting tyrant
found in our blood as we burn together
inside our bones we confront our

death, fading helplessly, heedlessly on
passionate tears that circle
my veins, liquid rising, mercury falling

narrowly escaping a breathless delirium
all i have are words that blur and
define a thought ~ mirroring your pain.


written 08 may 2010

of lilies and serendipities | part four posted by imani , at 2:08 PM, in Labels: freefall

Parts and bits and pieces and shards and crumbs and fragments and specks and traces of what we are, what we used to be, of what we could be, what we hope to be. I have stopped. I have ceased doubting the reasons I am here, doubting the reasons you are with me. I have pushed myself to the edge and end of what all of this could be, because there really isn’t any other way to go. I woke up tonight and the first thought that sprung from my mind was you. How long do you intend to this to me? You are a mystery I wish to unravel, a detail I cannot seem to forego, and thus have become a memory I can and cannot exist without. But more than my peace being broken, I am inexplicably happy. I have uttered these words before and I want to tell you about them now – that I shall be with you, I will remain with you as long as you feel the need of having me in your life. Let me take this, take you, let us allow this moment to take us as far and as long as it could in this road. And even when the streets and pavements break and fork to keep you and I apart, I promise not to regret anything. You are all that this present moment holds for me, and you have been an unexpected gift. And I couldn’t be any more blessed. I cannot allow for what will happen to crush and extinguish the seconds I held you and felt that you belonged to me. So in return I offer this night, this dream, this breath, this yearning to you ~ and I hope you find it in your heart to believe I wouldn’t feel now if not for you.

of lilies and serendipities | part three posted by imani , Friday, May 7, 2010 at 8:19 PM, in Labels: freefall

This corner inhabits a part of my memory, for in this space I shall begin to wonder about all those nights I allowed to pass without telling you just how much. You inhabit the soul and purpose of these thoughts. The last few days have taught me how I can and shall never be empty, because you are there to fill the void that shattered me. When the shadow of the moon has died and waned, the hope of sharing sunrises and sunsets with you never escaped. You are the life that pulsates in my daylight, the blood that rushes through my veins. You are all that crowds my infinite universe, not only because I have permitted you to, but because you have given birth to a star, with the magic and energy your eyes give out, because the thought of you makes the cistern overflow and pushes this poet to write about happiness, passion, hope, courage and love.

all i have posted by imani , at 8:16 PM, in Labels: freefall

are words that blur and define a thought.

of lilies and serendipities | part two posted by imani , Monday, May 3, 2010 at 3:29 AM, in Labels: freefall

Punctuations.

comma | colon | period | ellipsis

Smoke leaves my pursed lips and I gather air from the single, solitary memory I have of you sleeping softly in my arms, the night enveloped with mystery and familiarity of you…the one I adore, the one my heart longs for, the one these hands ache to nurture. Twilight descends painfully, urging my eyes to close and to rest, but I feel and know I must write this song out, to hymn your face, your being, to exalt your laughter and the sound of your sigh, to bless the days and months I have held the muted beating of this love so free, creating and ending a story that begins with you and me.

i feel like... posted by imani , at 3:14 AM, in Labels: freefall

getting inked again. this will be the nth time i will have to pay someone to give me pain. ain't that grand. i was just looking for designs i'd want to put on my right ribcage and found a couple of them:

hmmm...i have to think. and i have to think fast.

of lilies and serendipities | part one posted by imani , Saturday, May 1, 2010 at 11:54 AM, in Labels: freefall

This isn't the last letter nor the last thoughts that would have you in it.

This is only the beginning.

My hands are shaking - because of sleeplessness, because of caffeine, because of nicotine, because of you...or the lack thereof.

My notions are incensed by one light, humbled by one soul - yours. The wind caressing my shoulders, the occasional sunlight that touches my scarred spirit are halted by the stares and breaths we shared.

I am so scared of being happy. Heal me.

i am sorry i have been too happy posted by imani , at 7:40 AM, in Labels: freefall

i woke up this morning with a b*tch of a headache...and 'remembered' that i have been keeping myself preoccupied the last couple of days - and with preoccupied i meant talking to, drinking and going around with monette.

tonight is the third night i am finding myself tucked away in my unexpected refuge. and it does feel nice - to be here and keep the company of people i have known a long time. initially, i was planning to stay 'here' all by myself but realized that tagging someone along wouldn't hurt at all.

i haven't exactly been very responsible - i know i haven't written anything in a while and i am sorry. and just so that your expectations are well managed, usually the dry spell (pertains to my inability to write) is caused by one of two things (or both...): i am too happy or i feel numb. in this case, i am too happy. believe it or not. well i cannot believe it myself. i am in that stage where i realized life just has so much to offer so i took that leap of faith and i am trusting that life is meaning to teach me something.

so this post is my attempt to invite you into my world, or what has been happening in my life and what i can remember of the last three days.

day one:

• got to my refuge around 6:00 in the evening. had to brave the rain that swept through pasay and makati to get myself here. along the way i asked monette if she would like to meet and i receiver a message that said: 'i am free!'
  
• waited for monette and decided to get ourselves a bottle of tanduay ice - the first night wouldn't have been as enjoyable if not for a great conversation and the aid of alcohol.
• see, this experience makes me feel like i am going back to the basics. and with basics i meant feeling like a caveman. when we got hungry, we decided to leave the room and headed downstairs to hunt for food. monette and i found ourselves in ziggurat, a lovely, quaint restaurant sitting between tigris and euphrates streets. we had shish beef kebabs and indian rice - i am a sucker for persian food. dinner was surprisingly filling. i like culinary adventures and am glad that i shared that moment with monette.
• before heading back to our room, we decided to get ourselves them bottles of tanduay ice and replenish our cigarette supplies.
  
• don't ask me about what happened to my lungs.

day two:

• monette stayed the night. she decided not to show up (sorry i am being too cryptic here, but i will be crucified upside down should i ever mention it here.) and we headed to greenbelt where we had lunch at pancake house then got ourselves two tall cups of iced mocha.
  
• we went around glorietta and greenbelt - for what else?! - books! we ended up buying VCDs and that's just weird. wehehe.
• went back to the room around 3 pm and decided to watch the videos we bought. i still had to go to work that night due to the lack of coverage which was a total bummer but hey - for the love of God and everything that is holy and for the sake of avoiding having to butt heads with my superior, i went to work.
• i was at work a total of four hours and was able to accomplish all that needed to be done. my aim was to go 'honda' (in other words - leave the office on the dot) but was unsuccessful. i came back around 1:45 am with my best friend watching a cooking show on discovery travel and living.
• had a psuedo dinner at jolibee - i didn't eat anything before coming to work so i had to feed my pets (my tummy...or the creatures in my tummy if there are any).
• went to handle bar and had a good time. we didn't go there to be handled any other way though. i just want to be clear about that. ahahah.
• tried cerveza negra for the first time and just like what monette said - it has this distinct aftertaste - it left in my mouth the taste of black coffee. and i thought to myself - isn't this the grandest thing - i can consume two of my choice of poison in one drink.
• we headed back to our room and saw the movie 'memoirs of a geisha' again. which made us both want to re-read the book. and made me relive the moments i wanted ken watanabe all to myself.
  

day three:

• monette left me in the morning to do some stuff at work. boo to you monette - for being a slave to your work. wait...who am i to talk anyway!?
• got up 11:30 am, without any recollection of what i told monette before she left for work. she then reminded me that i mumbled: 'okay, text me' twice. and even when she has recounted the story, i still do not remember anything.
• i picked her up from her office in paseo de roxas and went straight to aveneto.
• she ordered a bowl of meatball parmigiana for me and chicken pesto for her. lunch actually felt like my 'last supper.' ahahah
• went to starbucks in greenbelt 1 to cool the heat off with a glass of iced mocha and talked about our lives (and loves and lusts...or at least the things we lust for and lust about) over coffee and cigarettes.
• monette had to go home get herself some clothes and i had to go back here. i waited for the other leg of the triangle to complete the bonding session - ron!!!
  
• prepared an 'odd' but highly effective concoction for ron and monette - composed of yakult (and all the lactobacillus shirota strain in it), pineapple flavored fit 'n right and GSM blue. odd, odd combination - you have live lactobacillus which they say is good for the tummy, you have pineapple juice and don't we all know what good it is supposed to give us...but then you add a bottle of gin - which kills brain cells and damages the liver. don't ask me where i got the idea.
• monette just stepped in (at around 11:22 pm) and we are well on our way to being or getting subdued...if not wasted.
• this night offers a lot - a chance to catch up, a chance to lament over things that hurt us, a chance to realize all the good that has happened and all the dreams we can still fulfill...and above all...a chance to seize the moment and enjoy life.

over and out...for now.

the sandman posted by imani , Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at 8:45 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

another page turns, burning and annihilating
the ones that lived before it, the infinite
and formless time ushers itself to being and nothingness
Death command the hands of Destiny

whilst Despair gnaw on hopeless, miserable
hearts savagely, mercilessly pushing Delirium ~
a fragment, an aeon, a history closer
to knowing and understanding Destruction

Desire has power to spare, kindling a bright, blinding
light across worlds, universes, across
the dark, shattering silence of the night

and life wanes like a weak and muted
star haunted by a fruitless
Dream of the godly ones – the Endless.

falling forward posted by imani , Friday, April 9, 2010 at 3:25 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

a stretch of your skin cover from pole to pole
all that which i attempt to hide from
the world, a tear, a drop of blood, a bruise,
a scar with which all desire for you

keep it from healing – but who needs mending?
When this soul goes back and forth between
the sheets of laughter i gathered from
mornings i lied next to you, from midnights

i was caressed by your voice, tones and
shades of holy and pure light that pour
itself steadily upon memories mercilessly

chaining me to the gorge, falling forward
an empty space, a pit, an abyss, a time alone
with you singing to the wind.

through his eyes posted by imani , Wednesday, April 7, 2010 at 11:06 AM, in Labels: freefall

thank you vinci for posting these photos (theunwritten.multiply.com)! i miss you - your humor is something i need right now. hope to bond with you soon!

your absence posted by imani , at 11:03 AM, in Labels: freefall

made me all the more grateful for my life and for having been allowed to share our triumphs and troubles with you. you were a great person and you are and always will be a father to me.

i pray that you find your light.

we miss you.

overflow posted by imani , Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 6:56 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

this dark age
claims its throne
once more
under punishing,
lamenting, starless
sky that breaks
open sores
some things must
be understood
without being felt
some truths must
be known
without being touched
the ink that overflows
from this
unraveling,
untangling,
unbeing ~
a force, a light, a sound
unknown until now.

only these words posted by imani , at 6:56 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

in shackling
pain this poet
thinks of her goddess
and utters only
these words:
your body unraveling
like a timid flower
caressed by eyelids
and endless sighs ~
that now inhabits
a heart drowning
in sorrow, drenched
in its own darkness,
that seeks the
freedom in its chaos,
that leaps in the
sight of corners
and roads leading to
your hands.

cistern posted by imani , at 6:56 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

sloping, slumbering
seconds that
resonate in the
darkness, the water
that craves a
cistern, a well,
in your hands,
in your mouth,
my faith that
gathers the
incessant fire
of this unsteady,
trembling, yearning
storm
drinking from
the light of your
face.

loss posted by imani , at 6:54 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

when the sky is
denied of the sun,
this body is
denied of your breath,
my sleep is
denied of our dreams
the ravens are
resurrected to
steal the goddess’
scent and stares
aching in
remembering
that my
loss taught
me of
love.

what of death posted by imani , Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 8:14 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

what of death
does a fresh,
intolerant bud
know?
it understands
nothing save
fear, darkness,
the annihilation
of a make-
believe
universe,
it understands
nothing save
pain, a sudden,
screaming halt
that neglects
and forbid
time from
ever happening
again.

this same heart posted by imani , at 8:13 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

this same heart
that you have
beaten and exhausted
will say your name
one last time
one final breath
one timid night
one certain death
and consider
all the other dawn
as holy as this
morning
it starts to realize
the need to love
itself so it
may be
liberated.

dark and shadows posted by imani , at 8:12 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

when silence is the
only water that
feed my thirst
i turn to the
prism that once
carried your
colours
and sought
within me
the delight
i shall always
embrace
the dark and
shadows
that gave you
your light.

as if posted by imani , Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 12:31 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

suffering only is
for those with
fortitude
whilst the blood
flowers and springs
from this unspoken,
bewildered, contained,
overarching
pleasure of gazing
at you as if
you are here,
as if all is still,
as if we are,
as if there is.

fate posted by imani , at 12:31 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

light is clearest
in the darkness
and after
the havoc my
heart shall
endure
for pain feeds
its memory
of wonder,
not of desolation
and at last
i will find
again
the voice of my
faith
and the fate
of this poet
be written and
drawn on pages
meant for you.

it is time now posted by imani , at 12:31 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

it is time now
i harvest the tears
that fell painfully,
cruelly upon the
skin that once
was your home

it is time now
i gather sighs and
breaths
that gracefully
exalted your name
even in this
wounded embrace

it is time now
i rest in clouds of
your gentle recollection
of the words uttered
in sleep and meant
in wakefulness

it is time now
i hear the ember
cracking as the
night summons
an endless beginning
for this faithful hand.

a return posted by imani , at 12:30 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

a return,
a descent,
a fumbling,
stuttering, nervous
demise
a faint light
crushing the
dusk exquisitely
imagined by
this poet for
her goddess,
a movement,
a whisper,
an entangled marvel
that speaks and
manifests
in silence
a soul never without
faith in your
humanity.

after posted by imani , at 12:30 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

after
the heavy, dreary
drunkenness in
the void
i resurrect my
dreams
to catch the
smiles that
unraveled in
the wind
parched by the
memory of
your gaze,
roots anchor
themselves
to the earth
as i clasp on
the tethers
of your melancholic
breath.

it is posted by imani , at 12:30 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

it is not hope
it is faith

it is not desperation
it is understanding

it is not night nor day
it is the spring that
sleeps in winter

it is not the sin of
changing
it is the metamorphosis
of a butterfly

it is not the words you read
it is the thought that transcends

it is not that which is broken
it is that which mends

it is not a wish
it is a prayer

it is not life
it is you.

one more fall posted by imani , at 12:30 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

my soul hums in
the bruised silence
of the streams
that carry your
rocks and stones
to my ocean shore
the fumbling faith
and dancing light
of this soul
seeks the darkness
once more
like a shell breaking
open to reveal
venus,
this heart is ready
for one
more
fall.

stillborn posted by imani , at 12:29 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

pain borne of fire,
the abrasions erupt
from nothingness
then the rusty nature
of blood kindles itself
with the memory
of the one who caused
the lashes now
opening loudly on
my skin
the journey of heartaches
and tears
cloud the listless, impoverished
hands that once
sought your face
my smile starved
by the crescent
that cast its
light helplessly on
the burdened, desolate
eyes imagining these
words stillborn
after you.

suicide posted by imani , at 12:25 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

of tendencies
and inclinations
the tormented poet
uses her wounds
once again
and writhes in
the blood raining
from her futile
suicide
aching in the
chaos of her
silence
the body
that reveals itself
in winter
a symphony of
the unspoken,
an attempt,
an unforgivable
and mute desire
to forget.

what i hold posted by imani , Tuesday, March 16, 2010 at 4:00 PM, in Labels: freefall

I don’t even know where to begin. Perhaps I can start with what holds significance in my life right now.

You.

You never stopped being that for me. The most significant. We have grown apart to find ourselves and what will be best for us. But let me just say this.

There is no point in me hiding or masking what I truly feel.

Sometimes I feel I have disappointed you more than I have made you happy. But when I think of all the seconds we spent with each other – even when we were arguing – there is definitely more good there than bad.

Maybe I am the eternal optimist. Maybe it’s all just too good. And it all was so real and true and I could not have imagined sharing all those things with anybody else. At the end of it all - I know I cannot just continue saying 'maybe' - because I know things are just the way they are. It just is. There simply are no gray areas.

We have taken countless risks from the moment ‘we’ began. And I am taking this risk again, to stop telling myself to stop. Because I cannot. It would be sacrilegious if I would do that. I will never deny you that.

I do not want to grow old sad and full of regret just because I did not take the risk. You are always worth it. And I will put my heart on the line because that is what this moment is asking me to do. Because I want to be with you.

We have fallen. We are hurt, we may even feel that we are broken. But I know we both showed each other so much and had one hell of a time. But all in all – those highs and lows cannot be taken away and we both did what we did at that moment because that was the course to take.

I always have thought that one is bound to feel indebted to the person that they love the most. And I realized that this is not true. When you love, you give it freely. And that is what I am doing now. I am giving it to you. As I have given it to you and only you from the very onset.

Given all else that has happened – one thing remains the same.

You.

tyranny posted by imani , at 3:51 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

broken by the
tyranny of isolation
this heart wonders
of what hope is
left when
darkness caves in
and shatters
the once peaceful
rose that lie
still in the
night
now my tongue
is halted
and my words
stripped of faith,
seeking the
long forgotten hands
that took me
down this road.

one universe at a time posted by imani , Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 10:41 PM, in Labels: freefall

I have been away. Too long.

Now I am back. And it hurts to talk why I was gone in the first place.

Each time I feel like I am flailing I turn to writing – because writing allows me to have control over things I, under usual circumstances, would mess or wreck. But the last couple of weeks have been a blur. What a beautiful blur. The emptiness still resounds in the void.

At first there were tears, puddles of tears. Then there was this inexplicable twinge in my heart that occurs only when I hear her name in my head. Which was like, every passing nanosecond of my existence. Then after a while, I couldn’t write anymore. I also stopped reading because it felt like I was just going to waste my time – I mean, I probably (I assumed) wouldn’t understand most of what I am looking at, probably wouldn’t be able to decipher the meaning of what I am reading so I ceased doing it for a moment. I couldn’t write. And it was excruciating. The thought alone of being paralyzed, of not being able to do what I have always loved, it was a kind of hell. It was worse than the misery or torment I had to go through days before that.

I realized I was…apathetic. No actually, worse. I wasn’t just indifferent to what’s going on around me. I was anaesthetized. I wasn’t feeling anything anymore. For days and weeks I mourned. I had this unbelievable overcast above me, lurking in the shadows wherever I go. Then I found myself in the center of the storm – and this time, without any regard for the chaos that is my life.

Then I had an epiphany. I just couldn’t let myself drown anymore. I just couldn’t allow this darkness to swallow me, chew what’s left of me then spit me out - and not care if the same darkness does the same twisted thing to my spirit the next day.

For the longest time, I believed this obscurity: that I define a lot of who I am based on my relationships. I neglected and left out the most important part: it does not mean that my relationships dictate who I am.

Yes, I am fallible. I do not wish to be perfect. This is the closest that I have ever felt to being human – feeling pain, eating, drinking, consuming pain day in and day out. I am frail but I should not deny myself the truth that there lies in my spirit a light that just won’t give up. And in that light I will find my strength. And in finding my strength I would understand that some things are meant to happen – and they happen because they are meant to make me believe in all that I had in the first place - myself.

There still are some parts of me that bleed. Some parts of me that ache, some parts that were scalded when I attempted to catch the fire of this battle. But my soul is housed by my inescapable self – the self that I need to look after, I need to love, I need to have faith in.

In my silence I am no longer haunted by the dreams that never will come true. In my silence I exalt Him for loving me so much to let me realize I have not met the end.

I just need to take the time.

For now I am happy pondering...one universe at a time.

persephone | sonnet twenty eight posted by imani , Saturday, February 27, 2010 at 4:45 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

there are worlds to be seen without the
embrace of one, excise the faults
out of wounds we have given, extract the tears
from each other’s flesh and discover

yet among discoveries a gist of truth and
a trace of laughter that hymn the loneliness
of my veins and bones, with sadness
the space widens and in it i gravitate,

our souls halted in babel, our blood found
a harbor in the reminiscence of lost moments
bruised and battered by the sigh of an

ancient yearning, its roots gnawing deep
unto my ground, there are worlds to be seen
never without the embrace or eyes of one ~ you.

persephone | sonnet twenty seven posted by imani , at 4:44 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

latitudes ache for the unjaded, unguarded
molecules of dawn that spill over my crushing
longing, twisting in the sigh of such grand,
intimate humanness of your calm, intrepid

voice that call upon me before i close my
eyes and i wander in open, immense
wilderness hunting for the scent that
you give life to…you are Persephone after all ~

not to be reduced to a muse but the cause
alone of growth and the mother of spring
clutching to my sanity yet ready to lose

it once more for an idle and impeccable
touch that resemble the hands of rain
as it burns ~ consumed by shadows.

persephone | sonnet twenty six posted by imani , at 4:44 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

winter emerges scathed by the ardent longing,
fuming rage, tempestuous fire that
your hands nurtured, impressions of us
precipitate after a dark age of absence

and desolation, my words fueled by
the necessary ache i gather from what
we once had, sustained by a trace of breath,
an iota of unsaid glances that hurl itself

in my slumber, the savage, forceful, unremitting
muse that cage my heart solemnly inside
her palm, mourning for madness lost

under the lamina of your peace and grace,
seeking no other mouth but yours to caress
the skin that cloak my naked desire.

persephone | sonnet twenty five posted by imani , at 4:44 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

blood in my veins and arteries throb
and the unforbidden resolve thrusts
itself up my throat, killing me a hundred
times at least, before the fear of

losing you disintegrate and dissemble
in the beaten path we once called sacred;
how does a heart survive the fall, how does
it resurface after asphyxia, how can it

resemble the pure, unaltered form you sought
and held it in, when my mouth is dry
from this improbably thirst, the ache ascends

and the intensity assumes the hue of crimson lust
my nerves tremble and my muscles disappear
in a cross, a chasm, a conundrum.

persephone | sonnet twenty four posted by imani , at 4:43 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

trapped inside the machinations of departure
my heart offers an alpha rhythm, only that
i am wide awake, staring blankly at
what has been lost and what was never found

a communion of spirits, our sighs and blinks
construct an inescapable archipelago of
history and familiarity, each thread
devoured by the lack of exclamation points

this is about you ~ the cause of spring and
bearer of life, this is about you and
our unspoken algebra ~ a mystery, a quest,

a delirium, a shipwreck ~ a tangle of thoughts
twisted and hidden for fear it would
slip from my hands unable to discern you.

persephone | sonnet twenty three posted by imani , at 4:43 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

this moment is created to annihilate all senses,
to crush and devour all temporary madness,
to torment and beseech the anguish and fear
that come between us, now and here

ravaging the insipid color that balm you,
the moonless music that trap you, pushing
me to fall, recalling only the pain so you may
remind me of love, of longing, of the discovery

of a light that sustains itself, basking
in the air i breathe, these imperfect words
make for a heart that beats only for you

a sonnet that exists only because you
give meaning to it, only because you
fuel the imagination of a poet lost in violence.

persephone | sonnet twenty two posted by imani , at 4:42 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

my memory fragmentary, the seasons and lines
create tangents only i can fathom, an impoverished,
constant war that rages between wanting you
and desiring to be who i am alone

yet the suffocating distance begs me to
see the naked, pure, simple curves that
glorify your body, fabricating dreams and
wishes, your skin and the way it feels

under my fingertips haunt and gratify
neglected senses that adore you, embracing
all atoms and particles that assemble

the beauty you always have carried,
the grace that drench your innocent, unbecoming
soul, the fire that cannot be tempered nor contained.

persephone | sonnet twenty one posted by imani , Friday, February 19, 2010 at 7:20 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

lost in remembering, i would rather be in your
arms than breathe alone, the veil of your pain
hide me from the world and this senselessness
begins to corrupt what i thought could be endless

starved, the arrogant, blinding grin of the
sun shackle and stifle my own light, and
i cast a web of idle firedream to the
languishing, exhausting yearning

at last to find you finding me again,
twisting in airlessness, the slow, insipid
motion of twilight seek the bitter

kiss from my lips meant to wait in loneliness
for you, trembling, arresting the sweet, clenching
vagueness of your face in the darkness.

persephone | sonnet twenty posted by imani , at 7:19 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

unable to escape the music of your silence
my heart bleeds and withers like the
first flowers you have offered when our
eyes never met, gauging the distance we have

traveled, the distance of three years and
forever, the distance of tears and laughter,
the distance of secrets and revelations,
the distance of yesterday and today

and i can hear my soul scream, aching
for your voice to manifest in my dream ~
the only place where i can find you

in this forsaken castle that now
houses only my thoughts and wishes
an all the signs that bring me you.

persephone | sonnet nineteen posted by imani , Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 9:00 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the weary, desolate road that forks and breaks
into lamentable avenues of pain and solitude
marks my skin, my veins are streets and
corners that bear desire for you, are chambers

where your name echo and my hunger for your
light heightens, this life is bleak and murky
and the alleys i walk on are lonely, searching
desperately for who we once were

you were a wild fire that kept me alive,
that sustained me, that created and annihilated
me ~ and i allowed you to carve your

gaze on my flesh because i drink from
the depth of your eyes, with my hopes facing
the sun, burning and succumbing to your spell.

persephone | sonnet eighteen posted by imani , at 8:59 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

scarred to breathe the air from your lips
my soul fumbles and collides with your
sacred inertia, drawn to the invisible scent
of your light where wild flowers bloom as the night

urges me to dream, clasping the sinful, soft
gaze you bear, gravity dripping, seeping, aching
with the speed of a thousand imaginary fires,
the density of us eludes me, caught in the

bosom of clashing waves unrelenting and listless,
drowning in the impatient clouds remembering
persephone’s desire to make the amaranths

come to life…seeking to get lost in the maze
of your touch, descending, hastening, battling
with the incessant gloom of midnight.

persephone | sonnet seventeen posted by imani , Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 6:36 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

the leaves descent poignantly on the surface
of our immaculate story, like a ritual, a dance,
like a single, deep breath taken in, like a
knife plunged to my flesh to curse

your absence, to forget the pain buried
solemnly, your skin lithe as the jasmine-scented
caress of a love that knows the shape
and contours of the body it burns

tender as the sound of your laughter,
the night folds and leaps and leans
over elements and origins and constellations

seeking fragments that once belonged to you ~
the raging, necessary, impossible, minute
syllable that abandoned my withering sorrow.

persephone | sonnet sixteen posted by imani , at 6:35 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

tragedy dispelled amongst caves and ruins
agitated to hasten the fall into a chasm
of fleeting, temporary havoc
that resonate in our sleep, that fumble

in the trembling surface of an unbidden
fruit that crave my mouth, i descend
slowly and without remorse to the
splendor of long, narrow nights

chasing your umbra, more than a celestial
marvel that gather stones of quiet and
patience, you are an infinite delight

that move swiftly across my mind,
that burden me with despair and darkness,
that make of these arms one empty embrace.

persephone | sonnet fifteen posted by imani , Monday, February 15, 2010 at 7:59 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

discerning and dismantling the inevitable pain
congruent to the deafening pandemonium of
this universe and of this soul loathing the
circumstances that gave me you

but how do the secrets escape the jaded
reflection of you and me, without measures,
without confines or traces that resonate
the bitter yearning to call you my own

when a gaze sets everything on fire, even
when our eyes do not meet, writhing and hiding
beneath the massive, staggering design of

your hands, stuttering as I lay in awe of
the forgetful, deceiving stretch of memory that
captures nothing of that which is divine.

persephone | sonnet fourteen posted by imani , at 7:59 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the days and nights endure being haunted
by a flame that thrives slowly in the
incandescent shadow your body makes
in the silence, in the mystery of things

to come ~ in the perpetual unraveling of
the unknown, the secrets heaved clandestinely
under stars and clouds and comets that
lurk in the darkness, of majestic, celestial

beings t hat deceive my eyes, closer, nothing
remains, just the smoke and vagueness
of our fears and the clarity of muted

desires burning, consuming, colliding,
carving itself upon the tangible thoughts laced
with ripples of this unending fall.

persephone | sonnet thirteen posted by imani , at 7:58 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the sky offers the depth and breadth
of a sun untarnished by haze or orange rays
gazing straight at my eyes, searching, meaning
to find something on an empty alley

and as the night diminishes and eats
the memories we have given birth to
i struggle to catch the air with my
hands bared and scarred

by your absence ~ it sinks, stings, stifles
every living particle that creates me, every
inch of skin, flesh and bones that ache only

for sunrises hummed by your eyes,
for flowers that manifest on the corners
of your heart, beating, dancing peacefully.

persephone | sonnet twelve posted by imani , at 7:58 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

before smoke obscure the silence of this
savage heart let the rain of flamed
amaranths wash upon this night of mist
and blackness, singing an ode to your

endless shadow flawed by the
heedless need to form water and air
with the energy of a thousand sun-blazen
stares that come from you and your

aureate, unmarred autumn ~ uncover the
fragrance of days when you held
me close to listen to everything beat

rapidly, to witness each ounce of restlessness
that has taken my body hostage disperse
in the glowing, bleeding sky of madness.

persephone | sonnet eleven posted by imani , Friday, February 12, 2010 at 11:27 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the ache of this heart drowns the serenade
murmured by the incandescent midnight
haze rain against the periwinkle horizon,
the clouds drift and shift amidst

dreamless lovers walking the street fastened
by the scent of forgotten embraces, humid,
sweeping whispers burn my eyes with tears
i grieve the days afflicted by a disease

i call loneliness, following, tracing the steps
you leave upon heaves and piles of leaves
on the ground, shrouded by soundlessness

awaiting the delicate sun to parch beginnings
and ends once more, over and over, again and
again until it holds no recollection of pain.

persephone | sonnet ten posted by imani , at 11:27 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

pierced by the magnetic, gleaming air
you breathe, devoured by the depth
that anchor my halo to your terrain,
while the polar shifts and the axes

fasten the metallic scent of your
body to mine, entangled to the
tides of emptiness, borne of vastness and
warmth, desire and destiny

chained to the melancholic machineries
of your touch and veins, delicate
and intricate mornings undaunted

by shaded rocks, colliding galaxies
hunting for impatient shadows
humming in oblivion.

persephone | sonnet nine posted by imani , at 11:26 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

she played an air on the piano
striking the keys with ardor and
thoughtful passion, relentless,
unswerving, obliterating

the sharp resonances that bring
me to dark, senseless nights
alone and powerless to stop
the racing heart left to fade

awaiting the thundering sound
of your familiar hands, the slender
fingers that caress me within

and without, the light in your eyelids
like the flesh that throbs and aches,
drown the isles that yearn for you.

persephone | sonnet eight posted by imani , at 11:26 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

just before the dawn awakens all but
a few words here and between my
fingers, the night lashes and curses
the seductive glow of mourning

the motions that permeate the
earth sullen and impetuous
daring the quiet atoms of your denial
elemental and unadorned

do not desist, my lost enchantress
and allow the ember of my tears
fill and rapture the well,

carve myself out of your furtive longing
excise laughter from my bones
and bury my forsaken madness.

persephone | sonnet seven posted by imani , at 11:26 AM, in Labels: ars poetica

the clouds heaved a sigh, the sound of
sheer alacrity, the hours spin to form
the rain of your delight, to drench
my fumbling ideas and the flint of

my words ~ let me walk through
the sleeping circles, let me forget
the blood of my desolation
let me drown in the pure sadness of your eyes

and as the soil wither and erode
like my heart parched by yellow sunbursts
the stars hover above, pulsating, slowly

diminishing into endless flames, disguised
as trembling flowers envious of your smile,
the ancient, faultless language of our souls.

my life according to tori amos posted by imani , Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 11:15 AM, in Labels: something else

i found the questions on facebook and decided to answer them.


Pick your artist:
Tori Amos

Are you a male of female:
Strange little girl

Describe yourself:
Abnormally attracted to sin

How do you feel:
Not dying today

Describe where you currently live:
Every part of you

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Dark side of the sun

Your favorite form of transportation:
Cars and guitars

Your best friend:
Sister named desire

You and your best friend are:
Marlene Dietrich’s favorite poem

What’s the weather like:
Raining blood

Favorite time of the day:
When sunny gets blue

If your life was a TV show what would it be called?
Heart attack at 23

What is life to you:
A sorta fairytale

Your relationship:
Sweet the sting

Your fear:
Ghosts and spooks and maybe you

What is the best advice you have to give:
It might hurt a bit

Thought for the day:
Assholes are cheap today

My motto:
Enjoy the silence

persephone | sonnet six posted by imani , Friday, February 5, 2010 at 7:01 PM, in Labels: ars poetica

reaching for the sunlight in your absent gaze
shards of your shadow falling victim to the mute echo
rising in my head and seeping into
my thoughts that carry no other voice

empyrean of frailties and vulnerabilities
i arm myself with the fleeting, tangible pain
so i can bring you closer to a spring in october
then watch the amaranths take shape in your

burdened eyes, with my sanctified embrace
take you away from the caves that darken your
memories of us, of this, of me

emerging from the vague depths of your mouth
escaping your lips until the sound dissolves
into the fragrance of my own name.