i will map all thoughts about you on this paper. prose and poetry. but all would pertain to you, your grace, your beauty, the surprise and joy of being with you.
i could not stop. the night is slowly embracing the afternoon, the last notion in my head was when i leaned to kiss you goodbye. and that left me with one feeling ~ contentment.
in you, in us, in what we have.
in the endlessness and infiniteness of what we share.
i will map the curves and coordinates of your body on this piece of paper, as it is the closest thing i have that could possibly contain the sacredness of your being. as it is the closest thing i have to making sure i hail and exalt today and its sanctity. as it is the closest thing i have to being alone with my thoughts of you.
my eyes are brimming with tears, out of utter happiness. because i know i have found my hope. because i know i have found my desire. because i know i have stumbled upon my cistern of love and of meaning.
my heart aches for you.
certainty
in the quiet and stillness of this room cloaked with the scent of your skin, i am enslaved to the truth of loving you and the feeling of being loved by you.
and as we both have succumbed to slumber and awakened beside each other today, i realized i could not possibly want anything more than this, that i won't long for any other soul, heart or bones, save you.
my heart screams with anguish, as i know i will be heading to work in a few hours. that it would be, i suppose, the first time in a week that i won't live and breathe next to you. and i am afraid to admit that you are my heroine ~ habit-forming, indulging, addictive.
i know you and i are enveloped by the same sadness, so i promise to keep myself safe so i may be allowed another day to see you again. to embrace you. to kiss you. to whisper to you.
and tell you at last ~ you saved me. you saved me from myself ~ from the grief, misery, helplessness. from the ruins of my blood. from my afflicted thoughts. most of all ~ from an untimely death.
so thank you. from my heart to yours. from now until we conquer the infinite. from here to the end of our journey.
looking at your face today, as we watched the dawn spill light through the windows and over your bed, i am certain i desire only two things right this moment: you and a lifetime.
and as we both have succumbed to slumber and awakened beside each other today, i realized i could not possibly want anything more than this, that i won't long for any other soul, heart or bones, save you.
my heart screams with anguish, as i know i will be heading to work in a few hours. that it would be, i suppose, the first time in a week that i won't live and breathe next to you. and i am afraid to admit that you are my heroine ~ habit-forming, indulging, addictive.
i know you and i are enveloped by the same sadness, so i promise to keep myself safe so i may be allowed another day to see you again. to embrace you. to kiss you. to whisper to you.
and tell you at last ~ you saved me. you saved me from myself ~ from the grief, misery, helplessness. from the ruins of my blood. from my afflicted thoughts. most of all ~ from an untimely death.
so thank you. from my heart to yours. from now until we conquer the infinite. from here to the end of our journey.
looking at your face today, as we watched the dawn spill light through the windows and over your bed, i am certain i desire only two things right this moment: you and a lifetime.
waiting
for the imperfect, impeccable
moment when nothing needs
to be compromised, compared,
measured, defined, just a
sense of goodness that spills
and takes the space you have
left for yourself, an untouched,
untarnished fragment that
is holy beyond understanding,
a leaf you turn, a vow you utter,
a soul that escapes to be
liberated, you are bound
to faith, not to losing, you are and
have become your greatest self.
moment when nothing needs
to be compromised, compared,
measured, defined, just a
sense of goodness that spills
and takes the space you have
left for yourself, an untouched,
untarnished fragment that
is holy beyond understanding,
a leaf you turn, a vow you utter,
a soul that escapes to be
liberated, you are bound
to faith, not to losing, you are and
have become your greatest self.
hush
i am the rest between two notes which are somehow always in discord. ~ rainer maria rilke
i have been in isolation.
i have maintained this silence that almost maimed, almost crippled, almost killed me ~ all because my soul needed that room to process everything on its own and accept the things that has occurred. i at last have made peace with what fate has given me. and just when i thought it would all come to an end, i realized that there still are things that need to be done, feelings that need recognition. and the truth remains that ~ there are some things that need not be measured. that sometimes we must empty ourselves to make space for endings and beginnings, to see our endlessness and cease from gauging and quantifying. that patience is vital and necessary so we can begin to comprehend the greater things in this universe that surmount our logic. we are, after all, human. i have, after so much pain and disbelief, come to accept my fallibility. the shortcoming not of my spirit or what i can push myself to understand, but the frailty of my own reason and judgment.
it is an odd bookend, actually. i sought solitude and stillness and found my voice ~ it echoes in the hollows of my heart and it tells me that i am in a good place in my life. that i no longer should torment myself with questions, or beg for answers. or better yet ~ that not all questions deserve an answer. fate is teaching me to simply deal with the cards i have been handed.
now i am emerging. and have placed this thought in a better light: that the choices we make can either alter a moment or a lifetime. we are blind to the minute things we command, all because we think they are not elemental to the rest of our journey. matter of fact is that each decision we make is as significant as each breath we take. when we do not see the ripples of our actions, we fall victim to destiny’s injustice and blame the cosmos. reality is ~ a step, a word, a tick in the clock, a revolution ~ are all the same. they need not be calculated, because we all play our part in the grander scheme of things.
in spite of myself, this imperfect being is resolute in its desire to live this life with you ~ this instance, this very second ~ and all that which is left of it. this is for you ~ my sudden and unexpected delight, a sweet surprise, a gift i did not believe i am worthy of receiving.
the fire crackles and glows in the distance, embracing what we both have kept and held for one another. and with your footfall drawing closer and closer to me, i have finally understood why i had to have a part of me broken and mended in my own time.
because having you now tells me what faith truly is about ~ opening one’s soul to a detail so beautiful it shakes the very notion you have of color, happiness, effervescence, and quintessence. it shakes but never annihilates. it simply reminds you that there are things to hope for and look forward to.
rain
shadows obscure the love i once held
and the mist cover the ruins
of this parched heart, lonesome
and forlorn, being without
death, without breath, without
fragments, without elements
void of substance, this body
filled with space and nothingness
words fluctuate, the incessant
rise and fall crowd my now
impoverished hands, the
feel that once sought
your touch ~ a soul chained to
the rain of your kisses and desire.
and the mist cover the ruins
of this parched heart, lonesome
and forlorn, being without
death, without breath, without
fragments, without elements
void of substance, this body
filled with space and nothingness
words fluctuate, the incessant
rise and fall crowd my now
impoverished hands, the
feel that once sought
your touch ~ a soul chained to
the rain of your kisses and desire.
light
carefully descend and
drown the words trapped
inside your mouth,
craving for and carving
the next second with fire
burning your shadow
the impossible becomes fathomable
and your windswept hair
caress the air, with your
fingers gently searching
the twists and turns of this soul
your silence force the stones
open, carrying the sweetness
that dwell in one momentary hum.
drown the words trapped
inside your mouth,
craving for and carving
the next second with fire
burning your shadow
the impossible becomes fathomable
and your windswept hair
caress the air, with your
fingers gently searching
the twists and turns of this soul
your silence force the stones
open, carrying the sweetness
that dwell in one momentary hum.
smile
your particles elemental,
rooted to simplicity, sharpened
by your timid beauty,
sheer, unassuming, unbecoming
but let me tell you what you can't
see ~ that your smile make
flowers unravel and the
cistern overflows with the
fluid, unaltered motion of
beginnings and ends which fasten
our memories to the night
kept, held, embraced until
the darkness wanes and you
leave a sigh of my name.
rooted to simplicity, sharpened
by your timid beauty,
sheer, unassuming, unbecoming
but let me tell you what you can't
see ~ that your smile make
flowers unravel and the
cistern overflows with the
fluid, unaltered motion of
beginnings and ends which fasten
our memories to the night
kept, held, embraced until
the darkness wanes and you
leave a sigh of my name.
kiss
little by little the hours
painfully and slowly turn
the afternoon basked in
mist recedes to an
evening sheathed with stars
the air filled with glances
and gazes stealing your
fleeting and momentary pain
that erupt from my absence
but do not fear love, my soul
awaits a fragment, a moment
i shall hold your face with my
bare hands, feel the fire
that thrives and burns under a kiss.
painfully and slowly turn
the afternoon basked in
mist recedes to an
evening sheathed with stars
the air filled with glances
and gazes stealing your
fleeting and momentary pain
that erupt from my absence
but do not fear love, my soul
awaits a fragment, a moment
i shall hold your face with my
bare hands, feel the fire
that thrives and burns under a kiss.
dutdutan 2010
it is that time of the year again...when the best tattoo artists, the plain and simple masochists, sudden enthusiasts and the undeniably curious about tattooing convene to revere and celebrate the art of pain - and this comes in black and white, gray, designs of every color and shade imaginable - some even come alive under ultra violet rays.
september 24th and 25th are the dates for the 10th Dutdutan Festival so mark your calendars and head to the world trade center in pasay city if you would ever find yourself itching for the slightly uncomfortable and unexpected solace of having your skin inked.
september 24th and 25th are the dates for the 10th Dutdutan Festival so mark your calendars and head to the world trade center in pasay city if you would ever find yourself itching for the slightly uncomfortable and unexpected solace of having your skin inked.
and when you have gone there, get back to me. i am just writing about it but would (deliberately) miss it.
and it is for a darn good reason.
i offer you my thoughts and my delight
i ache for the pleasure
of your smile
and the permanence
of your gaze.
you are my muse,
my logic,
my essence ~
staggering and perennial.
of your smile
and the permanence
of your gaze.
you are my muse,
my logic,
my essence ~
staggering and perennial.
head to slumber, love
after days of being with you and around you, the toughest detail i have to deal with now is not your absence...
rather...it is my immutable and incessant yearning to hold your face, keep you close and bask in your warmth.
rather...it is my immutable and incessant yearning to hold your face, keep you close and bask in your warmth.
i know you can't sleep
to you...
whose heart my soul has
taken refuge in
when unforgiving nights
keep you and i apart
my faith remains
i will see your light
when the dawn breaks.
whose heart my soul has
taken refuge in
when unforgiving nights
keep you and i apart
my faith remains
i will see your light
when the dawn breaks.
nag-iisa sa diwa
at ibibigay, ibabalik, iaalay
ang lahat ng nalalaman
at kakayanan
para ibigin ka
ngayon at magpakailan pa man.
ang lahat ng nalalaman
at kakayanan
para ibigin ka
ngayon at magpakailan pa man.
kiss
what is it?
it is the sweetest distraction i know of right now.
it is the reason i have goosebumps all over.
it is the sign we both want something more.
it is the cause i will stop.
for a moment.
and turn to kiss you.
it is the sweetest distraction i know of right now.
it is the reason i have goosebumps all over.
it is the sign we both want something more.
it is the cause i will stop.
for a moment.
and turn to kiss you.
love
your leaving gave this body
its armor and its poison
glancing on every window
that might resurrect your
reflection, the night dies
of envy, as i remember the
shape and the lines
that define your face, the
flaws and atoms of
your blood that desire me
tell me how to escape the
definite plunge, of wanting
all that makes you touch,
bear and afflict me once again.
its armor and its poison
glancing on every window
that might resurrect your
reflection, the night dies
of envy, as i remember the
shape and the lines
that define your face, the
flaws and atoms of
your blood that desire me
tell me how to escape the
definite plunge, of wanting
all that makes you touch,
bear and afflict me once again.
waiting
that was what i intended to do.
what i have been doing.
what i have blessedly so endured.
it was the waiting that brought me to this very moment...and the waiting that taught me of my own capacity for greater things.
like adoring you without uttering a word. or loving you just because i know i cannot avoid it nor deny it.
i have kept my silence because i wanted to see how much of this my soul can embrace. how much of you, of what i discern in you, of what i want to hold in you, of what i ache to desire in you my skin and bones can continue yearning for without bending or breaking.
and after everything, surprisingly, i found you. still. falling. waiting.
i have descended from the highest of indulgence. i am emerging from what seemed to be eons of wordlessness.
again, i am attempting. because i understand how important it is to seize every breathing second i spend lusting for the same air that sustain you. because i know i have found the cause and the logic to the 'whys' i crave to unravel...
now holding your hand. now looking at your eyes. now seeing the depth and breadth of my own being.
this is for you...whose own beating heart keeps mine alive.
what i have been doing.
what i have blessedly so endured.
it was the waiting that brought me to this very moment...and the waiting that taught me of my own capacity for greater things.
like adoring you without uttering a word. or loving you just because i know i cannot avoid it nor deny it.
i have kept my silence because i wanted to see how much of this my soul can embrace. how much of you, of what i discern in you, of what i want to hold in you, of what i ache to desire in you my skin and bones can continue yearning for without bending or breaking.
and after everything, surprisingly, i found you. still. falling. waiting.
i have descended from the highest of indulgence. i am emerging from what seemed to be eons of wordlessness.
again, i am attempting. because i understand how important it is to seize every breathing second i spend lusting for the same air that sustain you. because i know i have found the cause and the logic to the 'whys' i crave to unravel...
now holding your hand. now looking at your eyes. now seeing the depth and breadth of my own being.
this is for you...whose own beating heart keeps mine alive.
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