eros the bittersweet

synapses | sonnet thirty five

my soul is not about to shut the
symphony of what makes us, and a
frame holds in the midst of it a staggering,
stuttering, smoldering intimacy,

a collapse of walls and logic, i follow
your voice, opening the sanctity
of all unknown mornings, drifting into
your arms, my lifetime, blood of

my blood, fire, passion, red, adoration
~ a few unembossed, untexted notions
that keep running in my head

burning fields, catching the insufferable
light of your love, of the infinite breaths
we have given and taken as we remain.

synapses | sonnet thirty four

and i find myself painting the naked
night with stars that hang low, fighting
the glare of a rebelling darkness so
i may continue seeing your face,

and the meaning it holds, when,
little by little, piece by piece, we harbor
lights that crowd our tendencies
to de-create and re-create mute,

imperfect, glorious moments
we held each other as if the world
stood still and time vanished

along with traces, roots, windows
and prisms, seeking only the rhetoric
of dreams and languages, of shapes and origins.

synapses | sonnet thirty three

the day will dawn when all that
would emerge from the darkness
is my light and my love
aching to be chastised to

your midnight sky, anchoring
the stars to an immense and
eternal shadow, a
desolate drop of patient stones

carrying within the hope
of being taken by your gaze
and the gentleness of your hands

gravitating between your soul
and its undeniable beauty,
drawn to blossoms of your laughter.

synapses | sonnet thirty two

battling the sudden, undeniable fire,
seeking the energy of your gaze
blanketing what i know of this life,
under the sweltering heat of the

midday sun, like the music of a
sonnet you cannot escape, i urge
the clouds to shroud my heart
with memories of you and i,

now until the end that i do not see,
now until never, now until time
understands no other reason

but us, humbled by the sweeping,
inevitable faith for the one
who keeps my embraces and glances.

synapses | sonnet thirty one

the marvelous yellow sun
diminished by the elusive gaze
you give away, a haunting,
unattained, delusional image

that create stillness out of
my relentless shadows, leading me
to paths that take the form
of your hands and your veins,

gathering the stones on roads
we walk upon to save the
mythology and sanctity

of how we began, how we came
to be, how we will survive,
how we will need just one another.

synapses | sonnet thirty

summoning the dense midnight air
to wrap your body in its splendor,
my eyes beg for the sight of your
face, the sense of your naked skin,

my loneliness spiraling to a
delirious and intimate want,
or need, to be with the hands
that crave the passionate embrace

of clouds and sunrises,
arguing with the vagueness
of emptiness, emptier still,

lacking the laughter that
resonate in your voice, i lie
waiting, hoping, loving.

synapses | sonnet twenty nine

an ardent soldier who prays you
choose your weapons wisely,
and even if you have not, i
already have lost this battle,

death leans and laughs over my
labor and languor, i await your
voice to pierce and revive
the tangled web we weave,

to resurrect what i deem a kind
of demise, i will let you be, and
give you your peace, as i

always have and yearned to
do, but let me take the stars and
pluck each one like a dream to offer you.

synapses | sonnet twenty eight

and so the sighs we’ve let out
a thousand times shaped the
moments we have started claiming,
the light stabs the darkness

like ink on paper, releasing
delusions we’ve held and kept,
sonnets written in secrecy, awaiting
nothing but the perfect time

to show them to you, but emptiness
expels its own fruit ~ the wisdom
and sense of being with you

then without you, wounding
cold, relentless, unforgiving
mornings i uttered your name to no end.

synapses | sonnet twenty seven

this heart take the bruises from
loving you too hard, and neglects
the idea that it is illogical,
when the waters inscribe you

entirely and lets your soul
levitate, aching without bounds,
the air becomes my witness as
eras hasten to shards of

light and murmurs of loss
sink the economy of unblemished
laughter and stares

seeking your synapses, your
blessing, your naked hands,
reaching out to touch me.

synapses | sonnet twenty six

i still could sense the reluctant
metamorphosis of your spirit,
from who you are to
who you ought to be,

your doubts charged by
an impeccable, lyrical smile
that hover when you mean
to give more than you could,

yet despite my supposed innocence
or blatant ignorance, i capture
the brightness of your elusive

gaze and think of myself
blessed, for each day i take
your hand for a leap of faith.

synapses | sonnet twenty five

a decadence of fury ~ all for the
love i cannot contain, a fire that
wish to unravel its own flame
eats up what i have always

known of the red, striking,
impatient thoughts to be
hunting for the nuances that
remind this furtive soul of

you ~ its muse, its reason, its logic,
its restlessness and ruins
awaiting our own

surrender after an era of battle,
against what we should do,
against our own hope of closeness.

synapses | sonnet twenty four

your laughter the trembling of
snow falling over my hands
and my mouth, letting you simply
to define the borders and

nature of this poetry, of a heart
that basks in the existence of
these words without death,
as if we were summoned to

create infiniteness which falters
to broken despair and desire,
aching to subdue a trilogy

of fire, an immortal light
that begs for peace and twilight
~against all known clarity.

synapses | sonnet twenty three

i begin only with what i know ~
that our love is strong to overcome
anything and everything, that
you, ahold of my heart and my hand

is worth every single laughter and
tear from our own spring,
unmoved, unchanged, unaltered
by seasons, or days becoming years,

until the only space left between
us becomes the cistern that catches
our love spilling, our light trembling

with certainty, that at last we have
been found, that at last we will remain,
a place filled with faith and dreams.

synapses | sonnet twenty two

someone said my words now
are imbued with hope, and i thank
you, my lifetime, for the love
you have offered from the onset,

and it is true ~ that i did not
imagine i would feel this again,
yet again dissolving any expectations
~ as i am loving more now, today,

right here, than ever, and as
we clear the path and create
new worlds, we grow and

flourish and thrive, just us two,
and we know it would suffice,
and we know we would endure.

synapses | sonnet twenty one

how does one live when each
breath she takes was from someone
else, from the love that came,
that lingered, that remained,

how do i fight the battles
when my heart is no longer
my own, because you hold it,
still, in your hands, within your

soul, enduring cold, empty moments,
awaiting only the glimpse of your
sanctity and your sins,

loving all of you nevertheless,
without doubts, without questions,
without leaving, without giving up.

synapses | sonnet twenty

seeking to glance at the genuineness
of your soul and catch
the fragrance of your name
with my skin aching to feel

the warmth of your embrace,
stopping at nothing so i may continue
to hold your hand in this road
that leads to a lifetime,

the avenue that begs for a you
and me, the pavements we now
chase, armed only with the

fortitude of our love, ever-flowing,
ever so patient, never fleeting,
never ending.

synapses | sonnet nineteen

lulled to sleep by the truth i would
wake up to your gaze, your smile,
your voice, your kisses, your touch,
your faith, your courage to

take all steps to keep what we
have going, awakened by the
strength of your hands and the
gentleness of your embrace,

ever since you, i have ceased
to think there could be anything
better than the love that flows

between us, in the end, we go
back to the beginning, and feel
the same wonder, see the same light.

synapses | sonnet eighteen

i go back to our story, to the very
first time i realized it was love ~
when, without you knowing,
my days would begin and end

with you, and my nights are
forever washed by the light because
i have you beside me, defeating
the darkness and silencing our doubts,

this is how our dreams would
happen ~ we fortify it with trust
and patience, faith and hope

and understand that
what we offer each other is enough,
but we will exist to attempt at giving more.

synapses | sonnet seventeen

these days i could only write in
halted speech, poetry is nothing
more than an attempt to sanctify
distances that we have taken, steps

that took us to where we are now,
standing still, together, holding on to
pieces of ruins left by hurt
and the lack of understanding,

yet i tread the path with hope
and fortitude, longing somehow it
would be enough, that i would

be enough, with my happiness
filtered through your eyes, lonely and
hapless and ever so forgiving.

synapses | sonnet sixteen

talk to me about scars…
they are proof that you exist,
they are testament that you loved,
that you could forgive, that you

are trying after you stumbled,
that what we have between us
matters more than any pain or
anger or injustice we know,

that our words suffice because
we mean them, that our desires
include nourishing the dreams

we share and making them
come true, that there is nothing
better than faith.
 

anais nin

and the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

t.s. eliot

i should have been a pair of ragged claws.

frida kahlo

i hope the exit is joyful and i hope never to return.