i have been away for five long, arduous, painful months.
and it is all because of her. satellites have ceased oscillating as i found traces of her - memories, visions, scents - in my life.
and she never really did leave me. she never has and i am praying that she never will.
it was november 25th of last year that jona decided to come home. it was a bittersweet 'return,' as she was (and still is) confronted with challenges concerning her family, driving her to leave her work abroad and go back to manila.
despite this, i feel blessed having to finally 'see' her. after a year and five months (which translates to 'forever' in my vocabulary), i found her waiting in my room, gazing at me as i entered the door. i initially didn't know how to react to this, everything was a huge haze (and i just woke up that time), but my feet 'ushered' me toward this soul filled with a kind of brightness that is both silent and engaging - as if it is requiring for you to pay attention to her. i inched my way to her and embraced her. it felt like that was all that i could do that very second. i wanted to say and offer much more, we have not been together more than a year, but i needed to make sure i am not stuck in some reverie.
and all those times we lost to arguments, to the impossible distance between us, moments that were given up so we may follow our paths and give birth to more dreams and realities seemed to have faded away.
she is home, at last. although this set up is temporary, i am grateful that i am able to look at her and kiss her, that she is close enough to be longed for and desired, that she is close enough to be held and be told how much she is loved.
i am sorry i have been away. i am sorry i haven't been able to share my ramblings with you guys. just would like to let everyone know that i am okay. that right now, my heart is basking in light and love, and that at this moment, i have nothing else to ask for because i have her with me.
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