endure posted by imani , Wednesday, October 14, 2009 at 3:08 PM, in Labels: freefall

Last weekend, I spoke with one of my agents. He was asking for a change in schedule this Sunday as his parents are celebrating their 35th anniversary and will be renewing their vows.

I wanted to write something about it, I even placed a reminder on my datebook, but during my recent off, I did nothing but ‘try’ to write poems (the result? One sonnet. Not bad I suppose) and watch Ally McBeal. I think I am making the huge mistake of going over the series too fast – I know I will miss it when it all ends. I mean they have stopped airing the episodes maybe 6 or 7 years ago…just that it (Ally McBeal) really has always been one of my favorite shows.

During my two-day hiatus, I spent a good part of it in my bed. I ate in my bed, watched the TV lying on my bed, and when I got tired of watching and eating, I slept. That’s something that has not really happened in a while. I felt like a snail. But of course it is an entirely different thing if you will ask me to talk about what it is like to be given a shot of Benadryl on both arms (two weeks apart – last September, I was taken to the hospital twice, all because a sneaky little bed bug bit me which resulted to hives that made me look like I gained 5 pounds).

The last time I had a severe allergy attack, I did not bother to take Benadryl in capsule form, because it really won’t do a lot of good. So I went straight to the hospital and kept chanting: ‘Please give me a shot. Please give me MY shot.’ Ultimately, the nurse in the emergency room did, and before she stuck the needle in my arm she said: ‘I am sorry.’ I am unsure as to what that was for, maybe she was saying sorry because the fluid is a little dense and that means it would hurt (a lot) when I get the shot. Anyway, I did not bother to say anything back, and I just smiled at her as she gave me my personal version of Prozac. It made me happy, and I dozed off in less than five minutes. And felt more like a sloth in the hours that followed.

Anyway, going back to my agent’s parents. Something struck me. The idea of being with another person for no less than thirty-five years is a feat in itself – it’s the reality – there are bumps in the roads ahead and these roads actually fork…so to find the same person standing right there beside you…someone who actually wants to renew the vow of love with you…that is something.

The idea sort of made my romantic muscle flex involuntarily. There is something so…help me…I am trying to look for the best word to describe what it makes me feel…there is something just so bittersweet about it. And I mean it in a good way.

As I was saying, marriage does not guarantee anything. And I admire all those who do it for no other reason but love. This is just my opinion, by the way, but I don’t think anyone should marry for any other reason. It should always mean something more than signing above your name on a sheet of paper…or having the wedding of your dreams…or having a motif that’s in the season.

Again, there are bumps on the road and the same freakin road has forks. And you have to remember that when you commit your lifetime to another person, you will not be making the decisions all by yourself or for yourself alone. You have to take that person with you each and everytime you move forward. I think at one point I have written about this – that I don’t believe compatibility should be a requirement before you enter into a lifelong commitment. At least not an absolute compatibility. Because as you grow older, your views change, you (supposedly) mature, your outlook in life changes. Seasons change, so do people.

I have forgotten the title of the book and the guy who wrote it (which is odd – I have always thought of myself as an elephant, because of my good memory), well maybe I can get an exception today – the names escape me as of this moment. Basically, he said that ‘Compatibility is not a precondition for love. It is an achievement of love.’ And I resonate him. I don’t think that could have been said any other way.

To stay together, to stay with one person despite the occasional storms, despite the occasional verbal battles, to want to stay with that person because you feel the need to be there when the dust has settled, because you just love her so much, because you know you would rather brave the arguments than walk away…now that is the best part of loving.

To endure these things despite of the disagreements, to want to crawl back to her arms after each falling-out, to want to say sorry and mean it, to say ‘I love you’ and get a twinge in your heart each time you utter it because the feeling is just too real…these are what makes love the best elixir and poison.

Marriage does not guarantee happiness. However, it does guarantee there would always be someone there to fight with (ahaha). Most importantly, if you both are eager to make things work, it guarantees no loss. For how can you lose when you gain another person’s unconditional care and love to the extent that the same person lives inside of you and you within her?