but it is me posted by imani , Tuesday, June 10, 2008 at 11:10 PM, in Labels: clandestine

I take the last few minutes trying hard to reconnect to the person I was…the person I once was…before you.

And it is all sad and nostalgic and it all seems that everything is beyond repair. I do not know who I am anymore.

I do not have anyone to blame, except myself, perhaps. I am responsible for what I have become. And I have become just the type of person I never dreamt of becoming. Someone who is needy, someone who seems to be helpless without the other person.

And it scares the hell out of me.

It has been a long time since I wrote something about myself. Most of the time, it was all about you. And I want to just take this tiny moment to think about myself, to ponder on what I have become – because I allowed you to change me. Because I allowed myself to fall.

And I did. And I have failed, I have failed miserably. I have failed myself because I am here. I am here needing to have you fill the void within me.

I scare myself. Sometimes it almost feels like I cannot be without you, that breathing is impossible because you are not near me. There would be times that I would feel there is nothing much to gain, learn or understand to have you beside me constantly.

I contradict myself. I defeat myself. I have become the other.