january 31, 2007
was when you told me…
‘remember this day, because today you knew that you have surpassed all of them.’
and i have no doubt that i will always remember today…or earlier i mean.
today i realized that i love you so much it hurts, that every time i speak of how much i feel for you, my heart literally aches. because i know, within, my words, my kisses and embraces never would suffice, they never would be enough. i always think that i do not give you enough, that i never could give you enough. but what you said have, in a lot of ways, calmed me of my worries. that was all that i have been waiting to hear from you. i never quite had the fortitude to ask that from you…for you know that i do not want to change anything about you. i have come to appreciate every thing about you and would not seek to alter anything. there is absolutely nothing to be remedied. you are loved for who you are. and i know i could not ask for anything more. i do not want to ask for anything more. i am content. i am happy with the way things are. i am glad that we took the time that we both needed before completely acknowledging that we want to be with each other. and i want to be with you. and as i have said before, i will be with you, i will remain for as long as you want me to. i never have passionately wanted to be with anyone until you. i know that you have your fears, you are afraid of instances that might shake what we have. i wish i could take those fears away from you, but i unfortunately can not, for i have my own demons to battle. i suppose if there’s anything i can assure you, that will be the reality that i will be with you to thwart all your fears from consuming your hopes and your dreams.
today i realized that i cannot promise to give you so much, except all that i am. it is the only way i ever could love. it is the only way i know i could make you feel that you are desired beyond the superficial, beyond what i can see from the surface, for i have taken the journey towards the light of your being and have found the reason for my own.
written february 1st, 2007
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