i sit alone under one of the parasols in my favorite coffee house. i am biding time, waiting for when i can take eros to the service center to get him fixed. the mall radio is playing a 'milder' rendition of 'feliz navidad,' - the guitar humming in the background and luckily, it's an instrumental.while i am sipping my favorite blend, i thought - why not afford myself this time to write about something that may be so familiar but emphatically the most important thing in my life right this moment.
today marks our fourteenth month.
today marks the fourteen months i have been basking in my lifetime's love and light - though some days were blighted with 'misunderstandings,' what i appreciate is that my wife and i never allowed a day to end without seeing eye to eye and gazing toward the same direction - reconnecting with the dreams we have conjured and its realities, which, for the longest time, we both have been seeking.
they say we deal with the cards we are given, whilst others have made it a point to underscore that the house always wins. it is true that there are elements we cannot avoid, that there are things we both have to face to deepen what we share, and in that sense, we deal with whatever life throws our way. however, after everything has been said and done, it is how we act that defines a moment. that it is the manner in which we continue to bear the weight of who we are and what we have between us that determines which instance would matter or not. and it is not significant who wins and who loses. the question always is - what can we take away from an experience?
and even after all the laughters laughed or the tears shed - everything counts between you and me. everything. i would not leave anything out only to make what we have appear saccharine or perfect. i do not need a perfect situation. i do not need a perfect relationship. what i do need is someone imperfect who so perfectly stays with me until the dust has settled - someone who would hold my hand and say i love you, even in the middle of an argument - because there is a love to be saved and a lot still to hope for.
and i have been blessed with that. i have been blessed with someone like you.
and who would have thought i deserved a love like yours, who would have thought i can be part of something greater than what i have made for myself. up to this time, i ask myself that question. and i don't have an answer. except that, maybe, even when i am flawed, i never tire of trying again and again.
that you, ahold of my hand now, tells me even in silence that i can learn. that you will be there to help me differentiate (even more) the right from the wrong. that you will be there to discover the universes left for us to understand. there is still a lot to be done and a lot to be said and learned, but i will be as unwavering as i always have - in your faith in us, in my faith in myself.
i honestly never felt, for once, that we would cave in. that we would sit and watch what we have meet its demise. all because every time we are in the height of what seemed to be too implausible to discern, i am reminded of how we both waited for the right moment - how we both waited for each other. how we both took an endless halt until we find an unmarred instant we can both make sense of whatever it is we have been keeping for each other.
and today - just like all the days we have spent together, all the days we have been together, i begin to see what little i know of who you are and the passion that drives you and begin to understand that i could not possibly let my fear get in the way. you bet i will be with you until the end that we will never see.
you can bet that i will be with you to understand all that makes you the fumbling, sweet, beautiful being you always have been. so please, please, let me embrace you through all these. let me love you the best way i can, all with the notion that i can still do so much to love you more than i am doing now.
do not stop falling in love with us. do not stop meeting with me in the middle. do not stop letting me know when i fall short or when i do not see the things that you are seeing. do not stop needing to see me at the start and end of each day that passes. do not blink at the slightest conundrum. you know i will listen. you know i will say what needs to be said. you know i will remain. do not stop loving me the way you do. do not stop for us.
i love you with all i have and i am loving you with all the hope and courage i could muster. because you deserve it and there could never be any other way to make you feel that we will last and you will never ever have to be alone.
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