i wrote this about two years ago and posted it on my other blog...
i am not sure, but sometimes, when people ask me this question…i am left…wondering…asking myself if i have suddenly become the focus of the universe ~ without me being aware of it. a lot, i mean, a lot of people have come up to me to just ask about my…sexual orientation. what the hell?! it never felt like i really have to answer it, maybe these people really just can’t help it. this is not an attempt to end the discussion, just a way, maybe, for me to share my thoughts about it. i am not going to say that i am inclined to one or the other, or just one of the two. i want to actually be…label~free. i am single. period. if they want to call me heterosexual…that’ll be their choice.
but as far as i am concerned…i don’t want to be ‘tagged’ like everyone else. i am my own person. i am myself. this is who i am…and all that i am. i don’t believe that i am too feminine nor too masculine. i like the fact that i am never ashamed of my weaknesses and i am content because i have a million reasons to believe that i am a strong and brave and courageous.
as far as love is concerned…i am alone, but am never lonely. i want to keep my thoughts open to all the possibilities…and impossibilities. for me, it matters not whether love takes the form of a man or a woman…we can also love a child or a pet and it’s still love. and nothing can break that. sometimes people think that when someone loves, the feeling would have to be exact. but i beg to differ…love, of course, is infinite…it bears different meanings because each individual perceives it in a different way. we all have our inclinations, i’d say i am ‘bi-curious,’ i am different…(and i love being unconventional…haha)…that is why i have a different perception of love. it does not matter what form or shape love takes…at the end of it all…it is still love. right now i am thinking of the love that i have for myself…(hmmm…am i smelling the tendency of having a narcissistic personality disorder?!) i still cannot get over the fact that this world is populated with people who like categorizing and stereotyping others. it is sad, i know…especially when i realize that i am still very young and i’d have to live through all of it in the years to come. it’s a fact that i’d have to live through it but it does not mean i have to accept it or tolerate it.
anyway, when i do things, or to avoid confusion…when i mark myself…for me it is to show that i own my individuality…that i know my essence, and i would like to believe that i am free of fear. i’ve had enough of it. i do not want for others to think that i simply am a self-loathing body mutilator because i am not. on the contrary, i love who i am, i love the person i have become and i know nothing stops here…i will continue to evolve, grow, mature and age (but not too fast though)…gracefully. i have so much to say. there is so much in this world and in this life that i feel so positive about. i am sure that there are still others who share the same vision…and that reality alone cures all the pain that i have gone through and will still see in the future.
elizabeth barrett browning once said: ‘earth’s crammed with heaven.’
and it is. i believe it is.
i am not sure, but sometimes, when people ask me this question…i am left…wondering…asking myself if i have suddenly become the focus of the universe ~ without me being aware of it. a lot, i mean, a lot of people have come up to me to just ask about my…sexual orientation. what the hell?! it never felt like i really have to answer it, maybe these people really just can’t help it. this is not an attempt to end the discussion, just a way, maybe, for me to share my thoughts about it. i am not going to say that i am inclined to one or the other, or just one of the two. i want to actually be…label~free. i am single. period. if they want to call me heterosexual…that’ll be their choice.
but as far as i am concerned…i don’t want to be ‘tagged’ like everyone else. i am my own person. i am myself. this is who i am…and all that i am. i don’t believe that i am too feminine nor too masculine. i like the fact that i am never ashamed of my weaknesses and i am content because i have a million reasons to believe that i am a strong and brave and courageous.
as far as love is concerned…i am alone, but am never lonely. i want to keep my thoughts open to all the possibilities…and impossibilities. for me, it matters not whether love takes the form of a man or a woman…we can also love a child or a pet and it’s still love. and nothing can break that. sometimes people think that when someone loves, the feeling would have to be exact. but i beg to differ…love, of course, is infinite…it bears different meanings because each individual perceives it in a different way. we all have our inclinations, i’d say i am ‘bi-curious,’ i am different…(and i love being unconventional…haha)…that is why i have a different perception of love. it does not matter what form or shape love takes…at the end of it all…it is still love. right now i am thinking of the love that i have for myself…(hmmm…am i smelling the tendency of having a narcissistic personality disorder?!) i still cannot get over the fact that this world is populated with people who like categorizing and stereotyping others. it is sad, i know…especially when i realize that i am still very young and i’d have to live through all of it in the years to come. it’s a fact that i’d have to live through it but it does not mean i have to accept it or tolerate it.
anyway, when i do things, or to avoid confusion…when i mark myself…for me it is to show that i own my individuality…that i know my essence, and i would like to believe that i am free of fear. i’ve had enough of it. i do not want for others to think that i simply am a self-loathing body mutilator because i am not. on the contrary, i love who i am, i love the person i have become and i know nothing stops here…i will continue to evolve, grow, mature and age (but not too fast though)…gracefully. i have so much to say. there is so much in this world and in this life that i feel so positive about. i am sure that there are still others who share the same vision…and that reality alone cures all the pain that i have gone through and will still see in the future.
elizabeth barrett browning once said: ‘earth’s crammed with heaven.’
and it is. i believe it is.
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