The last month that I did not see her was the toughest obstacle I ever had to confront. It was almost this unbreakable, impenetrable wall that I (it seemed) had to slam my will against every time I realize just how genuine it is.
Despite the circumstances being harsh and unfortunate, I learned just how much she means to me now, more than ever. And because of that terrifying absence I learned so much more about myself than I possibly could in the last six months of my life.
In order to be with her ~ at least in my thoughts ~ I had to conjure darkness and pain and the unflinching claw of our separation, then battle the demons myself ~ battle the very same reasons why she and I are apart. But like all things that make us, it was worth it.
It always is.
And one of the best things that were borne out of not seeing her is this collection of sonnets that I offer her for her twenty eighth birthday. It wasn’t just because of ‘tradition’ that I decided to write about her again. It was because she always have encouraged me to write what I feel, in whatever design or manner. It is because she has always challenged me ~ the extent and the limits of what I can do. So I knew that to write all those sonnets in less than thirty days would be the best way I can take on the challenge. Plus I really liked the idea of doing something I have always dreaded, something that scares me senseless, something that has never really been attempted before.
More than anything, I started to write poetry again because it is the form that felt most natural to me and for me ~ but I never will say that my words will suffice or that it is all that she is and all that she could ever be.
This is to honor her ~ the one love I wish I never had to hurt, the one love I wish I did not have to let go of, the one person that made me realize love can be real and tangible after all ~ because she breathes and exists and exalts the glory of this life in ways that are raw and pure and uncomplicated ~ by loving herself and others without borders.
Despite the circumstances being harsh and unfortunate, I learned just how much she means to me now, more than ever. And because of that terrifying absence I learned so much more about myself than I possibly could in the last six months of my life.
In order to be with her ~ at least in my thoughts ~ I had to conjure darkness and pain and the unflinching claw of our separation, then battle the demons myself ~ battle the very same reasons why she and I are apart. But like all things that make us, it was worth it.
It always is.
And one of the best things that were borne out of not seeing her is this collection of sonnets that I offer her for her twenty eighth birthday. It wasn’t just because of ‘tradition’ that I decided to write about her again. It was because she always have encouraged me to write what I feel, in whatever design or manner. It is because she has always challenged me ~ the extent and the limits of what I can do. So I knew that to write all those sonnets in less than thirty days would be the best way I can take on the challenge. Plus I really liked the idea of doing something I have always dreaded, something that scares me senseless, something that has never really been attempted before.
More than anything, I started to write poetry again because it is the form that felt most natural to me and for me ~ but I never will say that my words will suffice or that it is all that she is and all that she could ever be.
This is to honor her ~ the one love I wish I never had to hurt, the one love I wish I did not have to let go of, the one person that made me realize love can be real and tangible after all ~ because she breathes and exists and exalts the glory of this life in ways that are raw and pure and uncomplicated ~ by loving herself and others without borders.
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