day two posted by imani , Friday, March 9, 2012 at 1:18 AM, in Labels: there is no try

i do not know how i lasted the entire evening...how i survived the entire shift.

i only know i went to work armed with nothing save a 4-hour sleep. i was floating. and i was carrying a big bottle of juice everywhere i went.

i was walking back and forth, assisting my team, trying desperately to talk without slurring. trying desperately to keep myself awake.

and then i remembered all those days i depended on cigarettes and energy drinks and convinced myself that it is much easier to keep myself going long as i have those two.

this is the second day i haven't smoked a cigarette, the second day i haven't taken a swig of some energy drink named after a reptile.

but guess what.

i was really tempted. to take one. to light one.

probably not the idea of consuming an entire stick.

the notion of inhaling a puff of smoke seemed to suffice.

but it hit me - again.

and i hope it hit me over and over until i am battered and bruised.

until i would detest, abhor, hate myself for ever thinking about it.

it hit me - what will i get out of it?

my throat seems to be in this perpetual state of itch and i know that it is temporary. well, say it lasts a few more days than i hoped it would, i would have to put up with it. i deserve to hurt, because i did not think of pain before. i only thought it felt nice to have a vice and hold a cigarette in between my fingers.

here's another day. and the battle is not over yet.

keep me strong, Almighty.