i would want your synapses…
your beginnings, your springs,
your winter solstice, your indian
summers, your parched
summer twilights, i want the
littlest things that create you,
the swift, subtle realities
made tangible by your kind
and gentle soul, i want the
nuances and eccentricities you
dislike about yourself so i may
gather them one by one and
embrace them, as if they were
my own, as if they were a part of me.
synapses | sonnet two
remembering the long, miserable
days of being without the light
that basks me suddenly, restlessly
hungrily, sheepishly aching
for a second, a synapse, a moment
a day starving naked in the
open light, universes break
in silence, that collects itself
in conundrum, that seeks the
sweetness of your stares and the
succulence of your lips,
that spins into an unending
illusion of suns and stars, of heavenly
bodies that orbit around your smile.
days of being without the light
that basks me suddenly, restlessly
hungrily, sheepishly aching
for a second, a synapse, a moment
a day starving naked in the
open light, universes break
in silence, that collects itself
in conundrum, that seeks the
sweetness of your stares and the
succulence of your lips,
that spins into an unending
illusion of suns and stars, of heavenly
bodies that orbit around your smile.
synapses | sonnet one
in the lack of tangible things
to describe you, i shall attempt
to wrap your nakedness with the
haze of words, and what they
ought to mean in this universe,
when shadows were what it all was,
silhouettes tangle themselves in
the night with the hovering scent
of passion drenched wildly with
fire, the oranges and reds of this
memory swinging back and forth
to frames of dreams and reality,
the beating seconds harbored by
the delight of punctuations.
to describe you, i shall attempt
to wrap your nakedness with the
haze of words, and what they
ought to mean in this universe,
when shadows were what it all was,
silhouettes tangle themselves in
the night with the hovering scent
of passion drenched wildly with
fire, the oranges and reds of this
memory swinging back and forth
to frames of dreams and reality,
the beating seconds harbored by
the delight of punctuations.
xxxv
this year, i promised myself and my lifetime that it will all be different. it was a plan which took three months to complete, and as mentioned in a post last may, i really didn't want to say much about it until she has seen them.
so it was a multitude things, my thoughts and words, included. all i wanted was to give her something for each year that i wasn't there, and told her never to dislike the notion of getting older, because it took me twenty-seven years to be with her.
this is for you, my lifetime.
so it was a multitude things, my thoughts and words, included. all i wanted was to give her something for each year that i wasn't there, and told her never to dislike the notion of getting older, because it took me twenty-seven years to be with her.
this is for you, my lifetime.
basking in the rain
just took my lifetime to work, and instead of sleeping, i am blogging. the weather is crazy (when has it not been?!) and i couldn't go out and smoke, and thought things were going hopeless until a thought sprung from my mind - why don't i check if i can connect to the office wi-fi. and voila! i am instantly preoccupied.
just ranting because it is june again. again. which means i have but a few days left. i am turning a year older again. but these days instead of feeling 'misplaced' or 'lost' or 'angry,' i usually just find myself in awe of the year that has been, the blessings i have been given, the things i had to overcome, the tears and laughter in between, the countless coffee cups with my wife and the endless thanks for being found and having found her.
so it has been a year. almost. or something like that. it has been a year and i am standing still, with my life and dreams and hopes clearer than ever before. it has been a year and my heart still seek to know more about a love that embraces me, and i know i will. it has been a year and i am ever so grateful for giving the last year to me, and all the years ahead.
just ranting because it is june again. again. which means i have but a few days left. i am turning a year older again. but these days instead of feeling 'misplaced' or 'lost' or 'angry,' i usually just find myself in awe of the year that has been, the blessings i have been given, the things i had to overcome, the tears and laughter in between, the countless coffee cups with my wife and the endless thanks for being found and having found her.
so it has been a year. almost. or something like that. it has been a year and i am standing still, with my life and dreams and hopes clearer than ever before. it has been a year and my heart still seek to know more about a love that embraces me, and i know i will. it has been a year and i am ever so grateful for giving the last year to me, and all the years ahead.
waking up to you
yesterday, we woke up around 5 in the morning, and it was only then that i realized i kept eros' charger plugged in the whole night. we were exhausted from the day before as we both had to squeeze what's left of our brain so we can decide on what netbook to get.
we had coffee and smoked some cigarettes and i continued to amaze myself with the applications installed on our new toy. my lifetime took some photographs of the morning sky (and me, of course), and this was what i liked best:
thank you, my lifetime - i know i am already killing you for saying thank you too much, but i just want you to know and understand that you always have been enough for me and that i would want nothing more than to be with you until i am old and gray (hopefully not saggy). but more than anything, thanks for making me realize how much you value my own dreams and passions.
we had coffee and smoked some cigarettes and i continued to amaze myself with the applications installed on our new toy. my lifetime took some photographs of the morning sky (and me, of course), and this was what i liked best:
thank you, my lifetime - i know i am already killing you for saying thank you too much, but i just want you to know and understand that you always have been enough for me and that i would want nothing more than to be with you until i am old and gray (hopefully not saggy). but more than anything, thanks for making me realize how much you value my own dreams and passions.
and i named it 'eros'
my lifetime and i went to two staggering ends of manila today in search of the perfect equipment. after scouring stores that branched to no end we then decided we should head back to glorietta to check, yet again, the specifics (and freebies) of this nice, overwhelming machine.
and glorietta it was.
a twenty minute ride, php 130+++ long, we got our butts out of the cab and headed straight to the second floor. as soon as we got in, i set my eyes out and sifted one face after another, looked for the laptop overlord named bren. he found us looking helplessly at the shelves, trying to decide whether we should get brand s or brand h - scrutinized the specs and compared the cost, haggled with bren about the freebies and other useful under the table applications.
i would have to give it to the guy. he somehow made it 'painless' to call the shot. we ended with brand h - because it has always been known to be dependable, and because of the free 8 gig imation usb and the optical disc drive i have yet to claim.
before going home, my lifetime urged me to think of a name for my new 'play thing.' i took her suggestion and thought long and hard, and finally decided to name it 'eros,' a homage to this blog - the testament to my never-ending attempt to harness what i think i can be good at.
'eros' is my lifetime's present, and up until this very moment, as i attempt heedlessly to write again, i am still in awe of what she did, not only because of what she has given but how she expresses how much she cares about my passion - writing.
here's my first photograph with 'eros:'
and glorietta it was.
a twenty minute ride, php 130+++ long, we got our butts out of the cab and headed straight to the second floor. as soon as we got in, i set my eyes out and sifted one face after another, looked for the laptop overlord named bren. he found us looking helplessly at the shelves, trying to decide whether we should get brand s or brand h - scrutinized the specs and compared the cost, haggled with bren about the freebies and other useful under the table applications.
i would have to give it to the guy. he somehow made it 'painless' to call the shot. we ended with brand h - because it has always been known to be dependable, and because of the free 8 gig imation usb and the optical disc drive i have yet to claim.
before going home, my lifetime urged me to think of a name for my new 'play thing.' i took her suggestion and thought long and hard, and finally decided to name it 'eros,' a homage to this blog - the testament to my never-ending attempt to harness what i think i can be good at.
'eros' is my lifetime's present, and up until this very moment, as i attempt heedlessly to write again, i am still in awe of what she did, not only because of what she has given but how she expresses how much she cares about my passion - writing.
here's my first photograph with 'eros:'
this is all of me
for you.
do not ever doubt that you are enough. because it is your wonder that keeps me clinging to this life, it is the gentleness of your gaze that keeps me hoping, it is your undeniable magic that makes the notion of a lifetime sweeter.
counting down
i have begun, actually.
my heart is brimming with wonders filled with light and delight and i am just awaiting for the perfect time i can write it all down here.
i just have to make sure she sees and reads them first.
my heart is brimming with wonders filled with light and delight and i am just awaiting for the perfect time i can write it all down here.
i just have to make sure she sees and reads them first.
random things
that make me feel one of the three (or all at the same time): alive, sane, preoccupied.
- metal puzzles - i am so into these things that i find myself scouring bookstores to no end just to see if they have any new puzzles for sale
- carson's 'the autobiography of red' (about done with the book and it is delicious)
- poetry - reading and/or writing
- ackerman's 'origami bridges'
- cleaning my shelf
- trying to keep everyone else updated by writing on my blog again
- pain (masochistic!)
- the notion of getting another tattoo
- saving up for my laptop
- 17 more to go (of what - i will reveal in the opportune moment)
- painting flowers again
- the mosquitoes under my study table that just won't quit
- lie to me
- re-reading carson's 'eros the bittersweet' (yes, the book that inspired me to put up a blog)
- wrapping my books
- getting a new set of sticker bookplates
- the idea of you
- the want to experience even just a semblance of peace
- so proud of my nephew angelo being so smart - he solved one metal puzzle that has been baffling me
- the destruction in japan, as read on yahoo.com earlier - i pray that we all do what we can to help any which way possible
- losing my office id - i don't like the process i'd have to go through to secure another one
- miller's 'tropic of cancer' - piece of advise: read this after nin's 'the delta of venus'
- photography
- portraits of you
- you are all i can see behind the lens
- the hope that you will soon see things from my end
- just recently started 'learning' poker. a few weeks later i got myself my own poker set.
- the difference of green and olive green
- going someplace else
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