We almost ended it.
For the past two weeks we have successfully wreaked havoc in each other’s supposedly normal and ordinary life.
I have my reasons for asking her for some time, for a ‘break,’ for some space. But each and every time we touch that subject we both end up throwing a lot many words and the tendency of course is for everything else to get lost in translation.
But that’s not the point. The point is – every time a frontier dawns before us, we are always led to remember what we both have done and sacrificed to stay together this long. Thank God that always happens.
I remember crying with her and to her because of things I ‘think’ I cannot take anymore, not because they have become too heavy but because at one point it all felt useless to keep holding on.
And then I remembered seeing only the truth in her eyes.
The truth that there couldn’t be anything more painful than walking away from the one I love the most. The truth that there is nothing that I cannot attempt or learn to accept – if it meant holding her longer and keeping her forever.
The truth that everything I fear has manifested and has become tangible all because I am going to be without her.
I am not sure if she still believes me when I say that I love her. And that I intend to keep her for always.
I am staying not because I think nothing else awaits me if we’d part. I am not staying because this is the most convenient thing to do. I am staying because I understand what it means to fight for you and for us. I am staying because I understand that there would be so much to regret if I decide to let you go. I am staying with you because I know that I would not miss this for the world. I am staying because you have become my light and my life. I am staying because of you.
Nothing has changed – even when I was overcome by my confusion and was drowning in the reality of things beyond my control – I hope you still find in your heart – my unaltered and ever constant passion and longing for you.
My only one.
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