Waking up today made me feel queasy. Like something has changed or has been changed. Today is different in a sense that I seem to be more lethargic…or the day seems to be more discouraging.
I was literally dragging the toothbrush across my teeth and just totally lost the adrenaline junkie in me. I absolutely did not feel the need to whack myself to wake the hell out of me. It all felt alright to be catatonic. It all felt alright to simply let things be.
I just learned that one of my best friends at work is going…is leaving (for the greater good). And with that said, it is inevitable that she leaves us.
I hate this feeling. The feeling that something bad is looming in the horizon. The feeling that something will happen and that ‘something’ will change the course of things when it occurs.
I do not fear for my best friend (Chika Grande) – I know that she will be okay and that everything will be alright. Perhaps, now, more than anything, I fear the idea (and soon the reality) that I won’t be able to bask in her presence…that she won’t be around too much. I sure will miss her light, humor and laughter. I am afraid of having to deal with that too soon.
It is like everything that I have been trying to avoid for the past two years is suddenly being magnified to a terrifying degree…and that is the plausibility that again, of course, since we are (I would like to believe) grown ups, we need to make decisions that might involve not being around each other constantly.
Since I created this blog, I have wanted to write something about my doyens – that is – my best buds at work. Basically, ‘doyen’ is synonymous to ‘master.’ So all three of us are masters of something. J is the Doyen of Weird Attraction – that means she attracts weirdness. You name it. Weird situations, weird notions, weird people. E is the Doyen of Forced Abstinence, and I think that already says a lot. Alternately, E can be called the Doyen of Lewdness and Lechery, which, I think, again, would already give us ‘not’ the vaguest idea about my best guy friend. E and J gave each other’s names.
I know at this point you probably are already getting irritated – that is just how we really call each other, by our initials.
And of course, I am T. I christened myself. I gave myself my own name. I don’t know why. It just happened. I think for the longest time I did not have a name so I invented one. I am the Doyen of Contradictions and Complications. And if J and E were here they would say that the name is apt and that I can actually be complicated without ever diminishing my hotness (ahahah…now that’s purely me).
I was literally dragging the toothbrush across my teeth and just totally lost the adrenaline junkie in me. I absolutely did not feel the need to whack myself to wake the hell out of me. It all felt alright to be catatonic. It all felt alright to simply let things be.
I just learned that one of my best friends at work is going…is leaving (for the greater good). And with that said, it is inevitable that she leaves us.
I hate this feeling. The feeling that something bad is looming in the horizon. The feeling that something will happen and that ‘something’ will change the course of things when it occurs.
I do not fear for my best friend (Chika Grande) – I know that she will be okay and that everything will be alright. Perhaps, now, more than anything, I fear the idea (and soon the reality) that I won’t be able to bask in her presence…that she won’t be around too much. I sure will miss her light, humor and laughter. I am afraid of having to deal with that too soon.
It is like everything that I have been trying to avoid for the past two years is suddenly being magnified to a terrifying degree…and that is the plausibility that again, of course, since we are (I would like to believe) grown ups, we need to make decisions that might involve not being around each other constantly.
Since I created this blog, I have wanted to write something about my doyens – that is – my best buds at work. Basically, ‘doyen’ is synonymous to ‘master.’ So all three of us are masters of something. J is the Doyen of Weird Attraction – that means she attracts weirdness. You name it. Weird situations, weird notions, weird people. E is the Doyen of Forced Abstinence, and I think that already says a lot. Alternately, E can be called the Doyen of Lewdness and Lechery, which, I think, again, would already give us ‘not’ the vaguest idea about my best guy friend. E and J gave each other’s names.
I know at this point you probably are already getting irritated – that is just how we really call each other, by our initials.
And of course, I am T. I christened myself. I gave myself my own name. I don’t know why. It just happened. I think for the longest time I did not have a name so I invented one. I am the Doyen of Contradictions and Complications. And if J and E were here they would say that the name is apt and that I can actually be complicated without ever diminishing my hotness (ahahah…now that’s purely me).
The Doyens, circa 2006. That would be me on the left...when I was growing my mohawk. That's definitely E (our major male influence, because, well, he's the only guy in the trinity) - after 4 bottles of beer. And that's J...without any sleep and mortified by the fact that she attracted two weirdos who never will be out of her life, even when she wants for them to be.
Today is a day of reckoning – a day when we need to sum up all the best and the worst that has happened the last two years. Today is also a day for answers. And the truth is that nothing will ever be lost. Nothing will ever be forgotten. I am sure that we will always look after one another, even when we don’t work in the same friggin place anymore.
They both have hauled the very best out of me. They are the reason why the pathetic becomes tolerable and why the unacceptable can be…well, considered. Their magic and wisdom has guided me and will continue to guide me. I will miss J. I will miss having to see all the three of us together.
But whatever happens…you both will always be my stoplight.
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