prime (part i) posted by imani , Monday, August 25, 2008 at 1:41 AM, in Labels: freefall

Yes. You guessed it right. I am talking about WOMEN. My kind. The species that brought all other humans to Earth through a rather painful and life-threatening process – birth. Don’t tell me you were hoping to read we were brought here by Martians or Little Green Men. Please.

Basically, I am writing this to simply help my brain comprehend and digest the fact that women in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s have become hotter now more than ever. Hot. One way or another. Others might share the same insight. Others might not. I could care less, really.

To begin with –

Angelina Jolie. That’s it. Thank you. Wrap up guys.

Up to this very moment, I still believe that when she was born, she came with a warning sign that said:

YOU CANNOT HANDLE THIS.

Maybe I am just imagining things. Maybe it's true.

What I know is that I won't mind at all - if she'd skin me alive or eat my entrails while I look at her. Kidding. I don't think she's capable of threatening people. Sometimes she just makes them feel they look inferior, that's all.

Angelina just turned 33 this year. And I think I, if not we, could blame the increase in the Earth’s temperature to her over the last three decades. Because of her, solving global warming has become even more difficult. You cannot annihilate Angelina Jolie so you can save the world. It’s not her fault to be so insanely beautiful. She practically embodied my idea of lusciousness and hotness when I was growing up. And she is inarguably gorgeous. Not to mention that she has established herself as a humanitarian. For that I think she earned a gazillion brownie points in heaven. In terms of appeal, I think she is the standard to which all the others are compared. If I would ever meet Angelina, I would gladly tell her that I would be her slave; I would cut her toenails for her and take her clothes to the drycleaners for free. Angelina – if you would ever read this, I hope you would consider my offer and please know that my offer does not and will not expire.

I hope you all remember Jodie Foster, known for her role as Clarice Starling. Aside from being Hannibal Lecter’s love interest in the movie, she was also a constant figure in my daydreams and fantasies. Now I know that made me sound like a sex lunatic but I won’t take it back. I know that The Silence of the Lambs really isn’t something you would like for a kid in grade school to watch, but what happened already happened. So don’t worry Mom, I grew up normal, sans the tendencies to wear masks or practice cannibalism. Oh and by the way, she’s 46 years old now.