Perhaps I was afraid that once I have revealed what I truly feel about what happened, I would end up with nothing.
I was wrong.
The Doyen of Weird Attraction – Jerlen – spent her last day in the company with Erick and myself last October 1st. We went to Starbucks beside E-telecare (am not sure if that was really the name of the company…or maybe I am just plainly not paying attention.)
We spent about 3 hours together…something that we have not been able to do for a long time. This year, the three of us went out to get coffee 3 times. Once every quarter. It is more than depressing. It is freaking unbelievable and just made all of us feel somehow that the universe is consipiring for the Doyens to never ever spend some quality time together.
Anyway…hanging out with each other always meant getting a cup of coffee from Starbucks. Our favorite Starbucks branch used to be in Glorietta 2, until that fateful day.
Starbucks (both the ambiance and the coffee) paved way to a lot interesting discussions for the Doyens - some are satisfying, others are unsettling. Honestly, I do not believe there's a lot of people who can spend an entire day with me (without leaving them feeling like all their energies have been depleted). But all three of them managed to survive occasions when they had to put up with my childishness, my foolishness, my inability to process thoughts on my own.
In this place, over a cuppa joe, we babbled about anything and everything under the sun, we pondered on the mysterious depths of the universe (our universe), we revealed memories we did not dare unveil to other people. We also were subjected to Erick's perfectly-timed innuendoes, Jerlen's wicked sense of humor and Ernie's ceaseless enthusiasm.
So last October 1st, we shared some really great stories, we laughed our lungs out, we scalded our sinuses with coffee (except for Erick, who bought a burger meal from McDo, adjacent to Starbucks), we laughed some more to the point all three of became flatulent.
But there was something that day. There was an air of sadness, an air of nostalgia. We all know that things won’t ever be the same again, but we all avoided having to talk about it.
It was as if discussing the ‘end’ or anything that has to do with any kind of ‘ending’ has become a taboo.
I miss Jerlen so much. Erick and I had a nice little conversation the other day. That we cannot accept it would be the last time we’d ever be together. I, for one, just want to really hold on to Jerlen and have her stay with us (meaning work in the same place) for as long as possible, but I know I have to respect her decisions. So I held myself back – because I understand what it means to her.
Before we ended the coffee session, we clinked our ‘cups’ (since we were drinking coffee) and smiled. Ernie, if you would ever read this, don’t worry, we raised our ‘cups’ for you…to honor you, to honor what we have, to honor the Doyens.
I suppose there is only one thing that won’t ever be the same again. I won't ever be the same again. I won’t ever be the same because Jerlen, Erick and Ernie all have become part of me ~ part of my id if you will. I won’t ever be the same because they have allowed me to look at situations differently, they have made so many should-have-been ‘shackling’ moments seem to not matter at all.
More than anything, I know that the friendship that all four of us share encompasses stories and secrets and blackmail (in case you would attempt to share it with someone outside the group). Our friendship is about life, and living it the best possible way we can.
So let me raise my cup/mug/glass/goblet for you, my Doyens ~ in the end we only think of the beginning…and let me confess…I doubt that there would ever be an end to this.
I love you guys.
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